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[bashoono25]

I have toddler twins. Just turned 2. I'm a stay at home mum and I'm sat in my room crying at the moment.

It is a battle to do anything with them. It was difficult between the ages of 0-2 but we managed to get out of the house everyday. It's more difficult nowadays - it is a battle with everything. Putting shoes on. Getting changed. Eating breakfast. Everything is a battle x2.

During the holidays, the little support available disappears and I get so lonely without mother and baby groups. My husband works full time.

When my childfree friends hang out or are able to, I feel so left out and my self esteem suffers. I take it personally that I'm not worth bothering with.

What's worse is that people say I'm so lucky to be able to stay at home with the kids and that I don't know how lucky I am to have them. I've also been called a lady of luxury.

I would like to return to work but we can't afford nursery at £100 a day for 2 kids.

I might hire a nanny for a couple days and try and find part time work for sanity's purposes though.

I don't know what I'm looking for in this post. Probably just an awareness of the difficulty.

Please don't kick me when I'm down. I chose to have kids yes. But I did not chose to have twins although we are very lucky.

Anyone else been through a difficult period with kids?

I can't begin to imagine how hard it is for you. I found having my first hard enough but you have that times two.

If you are thinking of work, does you DH work regular hours? Is he home in the evenings or weekends? Could you find work to fit around his hours like call centre, bar or care work?

Is there a twins group in your area? We have an usually large number of multiples where I live and there has been a healthy twins group for a few years. It might be worth getting in touch and seeing if they meet up. There's a multiples section on MN which you might find useful too.

Does your DH take them out without you at all? He could take them to the park or library or his Mums for a couple of hours at the weekend which would give you a break.

Please ignore anyone who says your are a lady of luxury. If they say daft things like that, ask then if they can have the boys for an afternoon to share the joy

Is there a Homestart near to you too? They may be able to send around a volunteer to help you out, my friend had one when she got accidentally pg with a 3rd and it turned out to be twins.

Can I ask what battles you are having with them too? If you give us a couple of examples, we might be able to offer sone solutions.

If you are feeling a bit left behind by your friends, can you arrange a night out with them? It might give you something to look forward too

Thank you for your long and thoughtful reply.

The battles I have with them are just regular day to day tasks. I go to brush their teeth and they resist. Same with undressing from pjs etc. If we go for a walk they'll want to go a certain way - always the opposite way to the way we're going.

Honestly you’re in one of the hardest parts of parenting. Once they’re 3 and older things change quite dramatically. They can be reasoned with. They can do a lot more for themselves. I struggled massively with that age and only had one child and worked! Working was hard and tiring but I really valued the adult time.

In a year, things will seem so much easier. You’ll have free nursery hours which will give you a breather. I echo what the poster above said. Look into the options and try and schedule regular adult time.

This too shall pass. It’s not you, it’s tough. You’re doing great xx

Thank you 😭

Some practical thoughts...If you and your partner earn less than £100,000 between you when you go back to work you will be entitled to 30 "free" hours childcare. It's not really free but significantly less.

Could you work in the evening or weekend to reduce childcare costs? Even if it's just for a few hours a week so you feel like you get some adult time.

I know about the 30 hrs free childcare when they're 3. Can I get it if mine are 2?

Before I had the kids I used to feel so close to my mum and my sister. But my sister has since had a new parter and I hardly ever see her. Nothing sinister with him, it's just she's off living her childfree life at the weekend. I don't blame her, I just miss the fact that we used to see each other every weekend nearly or in the week. I also feel rejected in a way. That I'm so boring now that she doesn't want to hang out with me.

Also, my mum appears flat with the whole grandparent thing. She loves them I know that but she said she wanted a rest because my sister hadn't moved out of the family home yet and she had become a grandparent. Made me feel like an inconvenience. I say I'm struggling sometimes with their tantrums and she'll tell me that 'I should know what to do because I went to university." Basically I'm a know it all. And also that, "she's a little girl - stop being so angry with her". Which just makes me feel guilty for finding the meltdowns difficult.
She's also refusing to talk to me as often.

Maybe I just need to deal with things on my own more.

I only have 1 2.5yr old OP and some days I want to get in my car and drive away. Terrible 2s can push you to your limit, everything being a battle, watching them constantly- you have my utmost respect for raising 2.
You say your husband works full time, what do weekends look like?

Thank you. I think sometimes when someone tells you not to be angry then you think it's your problem. I am totally drained sometimes. Don't get me wrong I enjoy them but I'm finding it hard.
Weekends husband and I are both at home, visiting family, exploring (the same old parks as I don't have the energy to explore somewhere new).

Maybe take the odd day at the weekend to leave your husband with the children and have a couple of hours to yourself away from the house? You are still a person in your own right and allowed a break.

Thanks. I think this is the problem. I feel like a nobody. Even though I'm doing a really difficult job , I'm not working , have no one to bounce ideas off (in the day) - my husband is there in the evenings. I just can't do it anymore without support. I don't like being with them anymore really they get on my nerves.

You do the most important job in your family, take some time for yourself at the weekend. Just a couple of hrs- go have a coffee with a friend.

You do seem quite down Bash, have you though that you may be depressed?

Does your DH know how low you are feeling?