Arguing with my partner all the time

[Emmerrrxoxo]

Since becoming a mum me and my partner seem to be arguing a lot more. The first couple of months were fine and we was in this little bubble and everything was perfect but now we just arguing every other day and I don't know what to do.

It'a not even anything big just silly little arguments that just frustrate me like who is more tired ? When I'm getting up 5-6 times in the night to feed the baby. I will say I'm so tired and he was make comments like "yeah well I was woken up too and I still have to go to work"
Or I will ask for help around the house and I just get told I'm moaning all the time so I said how can I ask you for help with out you accusing me of moaning ? I ask you really nicely

And then this week I asked if he would help me get dinner ready as it took ages for baby to go off to sleep and we was both tired so I said if you help for 5 mins will get done quicker and then we got into a argument about jobs around the house and he said to me " well what have you even done all day ?"
And I just lost it and told him to leave me alone and not talk to me and then I asked him to apologise and he is refusing.

Generally we have such a good relationship and I love him so much and I know having a baby is an added stress but I honestly just don't know what to do any more

Honestly, he sounds like a dick. Let him take care of the babh 24/7 for a week and see how he likes it.

Hi lovely, didn't want to read and run but I know how you feel. I've been there.

Honestly? PP is right - plan a trip with family or friend and leave him with baby for a few hours if you are able to? Or a whole day if you can.
He will realise how demanding a baby can be when you have them full time.

I went back to work full time and my husband became a stay at home dad - he soon apologised for everything he ever said to me!

Thank you for your advice I'm actually going away for 3 days when I start back at work to do some training and he will be having baby so will be interesting to see how he deals with it, it makes comments saying it's gonna be a piece of cake and that just makes it worse.

DH and I had some vile arguments when our first DD was born. Mostly in the middle of the night. We were both so tired we took it out on each other.
Hang in there. Things will start to get better as you get your sleep back.

Having a new baby is hard on a relationship. The focus on the key carer shifts entirely to the newborn and the other parent can feel rejected.

In ye olden days babies were brought up by families or even communities. Now that we lead more isolated lives the caring falls largely to one person usually, and it's hard.

This happens to most couples I think. Everyone is exhausted and overwhelmed and feels resentful. You can’t underestimate how shitty it feels to not get enough sleep day in day out. Try to raise how you feel in a really calm and rational manner when everybody is relaxed, your DP probably has no idea how hard it is caring for a new baby full time. It does get better.

Thank you everyone it's nice to know I'm not the only one x
Hopefully things will get better just had to have my rant x

Me and DH had a couple of huge rows in the first few weeks of parenting. I think it was a combination of tiredness and trying to adapt to a new dynamic.

We agreed not to do “competitive tiredness” as nobody ever wins and it just made us both more annoyed. So instead we focussed on empathising with each other and accepting that we both felt exhausted.

DH said he struggled with the sudden change in me, whereby I (quite rightly) prioritised DD over him. Ie I would drop what I was doing with him immediately if she needed something. He was quite offended initially and felt unimportant. I pointed out that he was capable of meeting all of his own needs but DD was completely reliant on us and wasn’t old enough to wait. He did realise he was being unreasonable but just needed to be told bluntly.

It’s been totally different this time round. With 2 kids we’re even more exhausted and have even less time for one another but we have a much better understanding now of what it is to be parents.

In this situation it doesn't matter which one of you is right. Screw the blame game, its a waste of energy. If you want to get along and be happy again, then be the bigger person and just try have a little bit of good time together. It makes a huge difference.

I had things on my mind and was going to have a talk with my OH which would've ended up in an argument. My friend advised me not to talk and to try have a nice time which sounds weird like you're brushing things under the carpet, but honestly, I ended up just being nice and we had a lovely evening and had a right laugh and afterwards I shocked myself thinking that I nearly started an argument basically. When you're both stubborn and tired and both feeling stressed, what's the point in going through relationship stuff when you can try have a nice evening to help you both feel a bit better xxx

The "I'm: more tired/work harder/do more at home/do more childcare" argument has no winner - ever!

Everything is more difficult when you're parents so both parties will always feel the most hard done by. Eventually I made a rota, apportioning the chores in the same ratio to how much we each work outside of the home, and I changed to a job that I mostly do when dh isn't at home so he had more time than a lot of dads when he's running the show and he's just had to figure it out.

The rota is a good visual reminder of what is expected of each of you, and you can see what the other person is responsible for thus removing the need for twatish questions about what anyone has been doing all day!