Naps on me

[Wuzzle85]

Hi all. I need a bit of reassurance of what is normal or suggestions at to what to do. I have 4 month old (was four months this week) so we are out of that 4th trimester. I think sleep regression is starting to hit as I am struggling to get her to nap. She has been sleeping roughly from 8 to 6 for the last few weeks at night. She would fall asleep in my arms and she would go down easy in her cot. Now that is becoming harder so I am trying to do some gentle putting her down when sleepy at night and letting herself settle. That is kind of working but still needs me in the room for a little while to fully settle. I’m ok with this. She feeds roughly every 3 hours during the day (formula fed as unfortunately bf didn’t work for us). During the day she will only sleep in my arms or in the pram if I am pushing it. I am feeling really down as I love holding her but with the weather as it is I’ve found it hard to get out so feeling very trapped. I have tried putting her down but ping she wakes up, also tried putting her down drowsy but she just screams. I know that until she learns to consistently self settle at night that it won’t work during the day. So my questions are:

• is this normal? I know the 4th trimester stuff but we are out of that phase and before she used to sleep well in her Moses basket or cot.
• Am I making a rod for my own back by letting her nap on me now and will napping in the cot come in time?

-Any suggestions of places I can go and push a pram around inside for an hour when the weather is like this?

She is very young to self settle.
Napping only in a cot is tying as it means you are stuck at home.
Push her around shopping centre, library, museum or gallery.
Remember all sleeps should be with an adult in the room until 6 months.
I have a 3 year old so find it easiest to just put my baby in her sling for nap times. So today she napped while were out puddle jumping, at the aquarium and at my parents.

Unfortunately no museums or galleries here and only a small library. Like I said I don’t mind her napping on me. I just want to know when I should be pushing for her to nap in her cot more rather than on me as I don’t want to make bad habits that become hard to break when she is bigger and can nap without an adult needing to be in the room. I also want her to be on a safe sleep surface so the cot in the evening is that.

Also when I say self settle I mean putting her down drowsy but awake then staying by her until she is asleep. If she starts crying I pick her up- I don’t leave her to fully self settle.

My ds napped on me frequently until ten months and even then I only stopped because he got too heavy.

I can assure u it's great for bonding / development. Don't ever feel bad for letting baby nap on you.

My ds is one and a half now and is as happy as can be. Sleeps like a log in his cot every night and has done from age 1 (and every now and again a bit before too) and is in no way clingy. I look back on all the naps he had on me with happy memories.

The idea that having baby nap on you creates a "rod for your own back" is a very western concept and is really isn't true.

Just do whatever works and don't fret about "creating problems". Enjoy your baby.

Hi OP, I remember this stage very well, my DS was around this age at this time of the year too so I understand not wanting to go out. Your baby is still very going so don't worry. Mine would only sleep in the pram or the sling so I had to go out or carry him around at home. There's no way mine would have self settled, it took another 7 months and even now at over a year old he isn't consistent.

Thanks- she sleeps great in her cot at night. Stirs but gets herself back off again 9 times out of ten. She used to fall asleep in my arms and I’d put her down in her cot day or night but recently she stirs as soon as I put her down and wakes up. Hence the putting her down slightly drowsy in the evening so she falls off to sleep and if she does wake up she doesn’t panic that she isn’t where she thinks she is. It just doesn’t work in the daytime. It is good to know that I’m not making her over clingy. Did your DS take to napping in the cot as well? @firstimemamma

Yeah he did take to it well, but I appreciate my way of getting him to nap in the cot might be a bit different to yours I breastfed him to sleep and placed him in the cot fast asleep and that worked for us. When I thought it was time to cut down / give up breastfeeding (just after age 1) I gradually replaced feeds with cuddles - i would rock and cuddle, place in cot and he'd fall sleep on his own in the cot but with me still in the room. Different things work for different babies.

@firstimemamma thanks. Yes unfortunately BF didn’t work for us. Long story so don’t have that as an option but we do have a little bedtime routine of massage and some skin to skin which I love, story, bottle then lullaby. I used to hold her until she fell off to sleep but she wakes now and gets upset when I do that so we do putting down drowsy which fingers crossed seems to be working.

@Asiama We have a sling but he just spends his time trying to look out. Loves it for walks but never sleeps in it otherwise I would use this round the house. I think she will want to forward face when she is able to.

*spends her time

@Wuzzle85 sounds great that it seems to be working for you 👍🏻 your baby, your rules.

My DD only napped on me or in a moving pram until she was about 9 months old, although I started being able to transfer her asleep into a cot from being about 8 months old. We did a gradual retreat-type thing veeeery slowly starting with going to bed at night, it took months but it paid off. By the time she was about 1 she went down for naps/for bed at night in her cotbed alone and went to sleep herself. She does have a dummy and she has a Sleepytot bunny, I think both of these helped her. She also has something attached to her cotbed that when she presses the button it plays lullaby music, she goes through phases of using that too if it takes her longer to fall asleep than usual.

Long story short, 4 months is TINY. She's a tiny tiny baby. She will get there when she's ready.

She won’t nap forever so don’t get too hung up on naps.

@selfsettling3 Thanks but I don’t find that comment very helpful. I do know that she won’t nap forever but also know she will need to nap for a couple of years yet so I want to be realistic in my approach to support her to nap well now and as she gets bigger without causing undue upset.

@MeadowHay Good to know gradual retreat works so if I need to do that in future I’ll give it a go. I know it just takes patience and time.

My ds is 20 months and he napped on me, in the car or in the pram until he was probably about a year. He actually started doing it at mil house (she has him once a week) so I figured he could manage at ours too. He now goes down quicker for his nap than at night time. Hes always been a good sleeper at night (unless poorly).

4 months is teeny, enjoy the cuddles, it's my very guilty pleasure if ds is under the weather - hate him being unwell but love the cuddles and naps together.

In terms of getting out - bundle them up and out you go! Ds used to love looking up at trees at that age then would constantly fall asleep long enough for me to treat myself to a coffee in a cafe

Like PP my DS only napped on me or in the buggy/car seat for most of his first year. He's napped like a champ in his cot by himself since he turned 1.

I'd take being stuck under a baby for a couple of hours if it means a half decent night's sleep.

My DS is 7 months and has his naps on me.
He sleeps at night always has luckily enough.
If I put him in his chair for a nap in the afternoon or his crib he will nap for about 40 minutes but if I keep him on me he naps for 2-2.5hrs so I just let him nap on me.
I can't help but think they're not little for long so I'm enjoying the cuddles (whilst he still wants them!) 🤣

I’m sorry you feel that way. But I’m on my second baby and this approach is working well for me. I gave my time to make that comment because I thought you may find it helpful.

@Selfsettling3 I just found it a little condescending alongside your initial comment about sleeping in the same room until 6 months including naps. I have looked at safe sleeping guidelines and also the research behind them so I am making an informed choice with that regard and it wasn’t my question. Maybe your comments weren’t meant to sound that way but it is the way it came across.

It's easy to say don't get hung up on naps if you have an easy baby or it just fits into your routine no problem. A lot of people don't have either.

OP, I was in your position and baby only slept on me and it was causing real issues. A lot of people are happy for baby to do all naps on them until close to one but if it's not working for you then you need a solution and nobody should make you feel bad about it.

At four months I started a nap routine (five minutes of quiet time, then sleeping bag, into cot, sleep phrase (sleepytime, love you, sleepytime, love you for example- can be anything), lights out. I started at four months.
Nap 1 baby lay looking round for 20 minutes then cried. I went in and out constantly to settle.
Nap 2 fussed, I settled until they fell asleep.
It got better nap by nap. Within a few days I could lay them in the cot and walk out and they'd self settle no problem.

Nighttime was harder but we're getting there!
I feel for you. With DC1 I ended up getting to 8 months with her sleeping on me for every nap and it was a big contributor to PND as I couldn't do anything (baby screamed in pram or car or sling). Because we'd left it so long we had to sleep train, although it worked so quickly. But I wanted a gentler approach this time round and it's worked well so far for us.

@cheesefries Thanks that is really helpful. It is good to hear other options. My main issue is that my partner is away for work a lot so I have to keep the house running. She doesn’t like to independently play on her mat or in her swing for very long so I have limited time to do things. She is a content baby just needs lots of attention and interaction when awake. I do want a gentle approach so that is good to hear how you worked away from naps on you. There is so much differing advice and research out there I just feel overwhelmed. I guess like most things there is no right way and I have to figure out what works. Thanks everyone will just take it a day at a time and figure out what works for us.

She sounds just like my second- happy but needs a lot of facetime! I totally get it about needing to get things done, that was my main issue too. I needed to be sorting things to move house and also just not be stuck to a sofa all day!

Best of luck, I hope you see some progress soon.

@cheesefries I have PM’d you.