Not coping with motherhood

[anonnancy]

I can't believe I'm writing this down but I feel like I need to get it out as it's eating me alive and I can't come to speak the words out loud to anyone as I feel so ashamed I feel this way.

I very much love my little boy who is now 7 weeks however since he has been around 5 weeks old I just feel like I'm sinking deeper and deeper into a dark hole that I just can't climb out of.

I'm exhausted as he doesn't nap in the day for longer than 20-30 mins (he maybe has one longer 2 hour nap but that's it). The rest of the day he is so cranky/grizzly and will not be put down. I can't put him on his play gym, in his bouncer or in his Moses basket as he just screams / cries and is generally fussy.

I don't even have the chance to go for a wee because he squeals so much. I would consider getting a sling but he doesn't even like being held by me for too long in one position. Plus my back is so sore ALL. THE. TIME.

I find myself having intrusive thoughts about someone taking him away so I can just get half an hour of peace, and then instantly feel guilty.

He is formula fed and feeds every hour pretty much. Drinking around 3-5oz at a time. He is difficult to wind

I just feel like I can't look after him as everything I do he just cries.

I don't know what to do or how I will manage the rest of my life with being his mum.

I have help from my mum in Monday's and Tuesdays and she prettt much cares for him all day as I just don't feel like I can. When she is here I have little interest in my baby and surely that isn't normal.

I don't want to say anything to my doctor as I'm scared my baby will be taken away from me for thinking these awful things.

My other half is a lorry driver so he can't really help in the night and I practically feel like a single parent.

I feel lost. Alone. Sad. And like I've just made the biggest mistake of my life by becoming a mum....

Firstly, sending to ia huge hug. Mine are 8 weeks.

Secondly please PLEASE tel your GP or HV. They won't take your baby. PND is fairly commonplace and can be treated but you need their input.

Go for a wee. He's screaming anyway so put him somewhere safe and go pee.

He's drinking an awful lot of milk for his age, is he sick a lot? Does he arch his back during feeds or scrunch into a ball?

Can you tell your Mom how you're feeling?

Please, please go and see your gp, and tell them what you've written here. I've been where you are, and it's very hard, very dark, but you don't have to suffer. Your gp can help.

No one is going to take your baby away because you're having a tough time, especially when you're asking for help. What they will do is offer that help. It might be Anti depressants, therapies, extra visits from the health visitor, just someone to talk to, all of these can make a difference. Their goal is to keep you and baby happy and well, and to support you in being well together.

Oh you poor love. Sending . Please go and see your GP.

Firstly, no one is going to take your baby from you for this.

Secondly, being a parent is incredibly hard even if you have a baby that sleeps. Your body is recovering from growing a baby inside of you, just that is tiring.

Ring your HV immediately and tell her. You are not the first Mum to find this overwhelming. It is completely commonplace. You need to tell he/she how often you are feeding, film your baby crying especially if the cries seem to change.

And either you or your HV need to get you a GP appointment, my HV did it for me for something to do with my baby's health.

There is absolutely no shame in this and there is help available. Ds1 was a reflux baby but Ds2 was a whole other kind of reflux baby. He just screamed, arched his back, refused to eat more than a small amount so I was feeding him 10-12 times a day and it was horrific. Luckily he got sorted pretty quickly and my sanity returned and my ear drums healed

Your story really resonated with me as I felt pretty much exactly the same when DS was the same age as your baby.

I just wanted to echo the comments of other posters and urge you to go and see your GP. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Your baby won't be taken away - you'll be offered the help you need such as counselling, medication or additional support from healthcare professionals.

Please also tell your mum and partner how you're feeling. In my case, things got much better after I started taking anti-depressant medication and also just as DS got older. My baby didn't seem to like being a baby but he is much happier as a toddler and we have a great relationship now he is 2.5 years old, despite a rocky start. In fact, I'm even expecting my second baby now, something which I didn't think I would ever be able to do in the early days of DS.

Feel free to DM me if you want somebody to talk to. Remember to take care of yourself, you're doing a great job - some babies are just more unsettled than others and it's nothing you are doing wrong.

OP I could have written this just over 12 months ago. I was exactly the same, I told my husband that I wanted to go back to work because I hated being at home with the baby.

My health visitor came at 6 weeks and said she was worried about it and advised me to see the GP (she also said she'd check back on me which she never did )

I went to the GP and the one question she asked me was 'do you miss your baby when your mum takes her out for a couple of hours' and I immediately said no. I felt awful but I needed to be honest.

I was prescribed medication and it did make me feel better but the first few months were hard.

Take help wherever you can get it. Struggling is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and I wish people talked about it more openly xx

@SleepingStandingUp
With regards to his feeding, he often makes sounds like he is pushing to do a pop whilst feeding. He sometimes will arch his back but not always. Usually when he is kicking off that I have taken his bottle away from him to try and wind him. He does crunch himself up a lot. He is very unsettled at night time and constantly making noise and thrashing around in his next2me.

He will do a long stretch of sleep after his bath and bedtime bottle 6:30-10:30 usually and then he is up either 1.5 hourly (sometime 2 hourly if I'm lucky). I go to bed around 7:30-8 so I can try and get a couple of hours before the night shift starts, but feel like I don't see my other half as he gets in from work at 5.

I’m sorry you are finding it so difficult. I found the new born stage the worst. I’m sure other people have told you but no one is going to take your baby away for feeling this way. Go to see your GP.

A few practical things

• If you can go and have a massage when your Mum has the baby. It will help your back.
• Try a sling. A good sling will be better on your back than holding a baby.
• Honestly sometimes going to bed early is a great. Idea but get DH to be in charge of the first wake up or until 12 so you can get some sleep
• Boots gripe mixture is great for wind. It’s suitable from 6 weeks I think
• Sign up for a baby massage course or go to a baby social group. Meeting other new Mums will help you realise that everyone is struggling.

I'd go to gp for yourself but also sounds like baby could have cmpa so I'd also ask gp to see if you can trial a non dairy formula for a while.

Get a sling, you can pee with one on!

If Dp is home at 5 then he def should be doing his share whilst you sleep. It won't be forever but it is hard feeling like you never see each other.

Sounds like he could have colic or maybe silent reflux? Mine used to cry during feeding then guzzle almost like to yaks the pain away. Now he's on medication he eats a bit less.

Def her an appt for you both
You're perfectly normal anon, that's nothing wrong with you Re having baby taken away, you just need some help right now

Definitely sounds like CMPA to me. He's feeding loads. Mine wanted to feed lots to soothe her sore throat and tummy but then it made it worse and became a horrible vicious cycle. You poor thing. Parenting is hard enough but a baby with silent reflux is horrendous.

If it's any help, I felt the same way as you and was very honest about it, and nobody took my baby away - they just helped me.

Sending huge hugs! Mine is now almost 11 months and u have had times if feeling like this a lot! I found the first few months incredibly tough and felt like I had no idea what I was doing, nothing seemed to be "right". And it's not helpful as such but it does get easier!!

Noone will take your baby!! Please speak to someone as it sounds like your trying to do everything and really you need support! It can feel like baby us the most important, but you need to be ok before you can look after baby. It's not selfish!

I found I had to limit certain friends, groups, and people on social media as they made me feel worse! I found new people etc to help boost me. I found the podcast happy mum happy baby helpful to year other mums stories.

Your really doing great! But please look after yourself too xo

Look up 'purple crying'. Your baby is at an age where they tend to cry a lot no matter what you do. Knowing this made me feel a lot better when my LO was screaming his head off for hours on end between the ages of 6 and 10 weeks. Sending hugs!

Have you tried changing the formula? I had to try 4 different kinds to finally have a settled baby.

Everyone thinks about the fact they need a break so don’t be feeling guilty about anything. No one will think bad of you for asking for help there is so much support out there for you stay positive

@NickyLou8 tried changing formula but it made him
Horribly constipated and that was even worse :(

How are you doing @anonnancy?

Hi,
Felt so much sympathy reading this. My boy is 2.5 now and i still remember how hard those days were.
My partner accidentally helped the night time walking by offering dummy before feed and if he wasn't hungry he would nod back off (he fed plenty so didn't need it).
Also I was in a friend's house one day (she had a new born a week after me), he was about 5 weeks and wouldn't settle for long ever, I was really down and she showed me the godsend of swaddling. He hated it first and cried for about 20 mins but then chilled out and slept. Never looked back. Anytime he needed sleep just swaddled and rocked him. It does get easier and takes a long time for you to adjust to this extra person. It's easy to feel resentful of how much it takes from you. Be nice to yourself and take lots of pics, it goes so fast now you will want to look back she they are this small later!! Good luck xx