Feel guilty about stopping BF

[NickyLou8]

My little girl has always struggled BF, she couldn’t latch on we eventually managed to get her on using nipple shields but due to her low weight and the fact she would refuse to nurse longer than 5 minutes (screaming at hitting out) we have topped up with a bottle. I can’t pump I’ve tried but it reduces me to tears.

Anyway I have made the decision after a week of constant tears, bad Colic and sickness to give up BF I’m devastated but it’s 100% the right choice to ensure she is thriving correctly and at least I made it to 10 weeks.

I have reduced the BF to once a day and I know my milk will dry up but selfishly I still want the closeness I have with her. I cannot stop feeling sad or guilty and that she will resent me. I know it’s stupid because she is already much more happier and less sick.

Has anyone else been through similar and know how long before my sad feelings go away?

I haven’t been through it, but can tell you now she will not resent you and please don’t feel guilty. Some things really aren’t worth the stress. This is one of those things. You can still enjoy closeness whilst giving her a bottle.

She won't resent you - dd(5) had no idea how she was fed until baby dd arrived and she started asking questions

My mum had the exact same experience with me, i was on formula from 9 weeks, and I'm now 27, healthy and a mother myself - i could honestly not love her more, and do not resent her at all.

I stopped bf my older DD at 6 weeks. I had counselling to deal with how I felt, I also had PTSD type symptoms as a result of EMCS and poor hospital care leading to spesis. Honestly I don’t think I have completely forgiven myself but certainly I felt much better after having second child and realising that I did so well with so little proper breast feeding support. DD has CMPA and I blamed that an me on EMCS and my decision to ff but DD2 also has CMPA and soya despite only having a couple of bottles of formula in the early weeks so I nolonger think I caused the CMPA.

DD2 and I are very close. We Coslept from 6 months to 2 years - naked except in winter so way more skin to skin that most children. From 1 year until 2.5 years we bathed together every night. Honestly if we had continued to try and bf I would have fallen into a black hole of PND.

My mum BF me. She hated it. She still tells me how much she hated it and I'm nearly 40. I really really wish she'd switched to FF and wasn't miserable for the first six months of my life. Your daughter will not resent you and you sound like you've done an amazing job. For what it's worth, I'm currently FF my 6 month old, staring unto his eyes, pulling faces at him and watching him giggle. I found it much easier to bond when I wasn't worried about his latch / how long he'd been on the boob / etc. You sound like a great mum.

Thank you 😊 I’m hoping the eye to eye connection during bottle feed will still keep the closeness

Sorry just realised I made a mistake, the start of my second paragraph should have said DD1 and I... she was my ff baby who was physically closure to me than my friend’s babies who were bf.

I found using a sling really helped me to feel bonded with DD1.

I switched to bottles at 5 days and stopped pumping at 5 weeks. I felt terribly guilty at the time (I had postnatal depression) but I was able to spend so much more quality time with her once I wasn’t distracted by worrying about trying to breastfeed. My daughter is 8 months old now and bedtime she snuggles in against me for her bottle and it’s a lovely bonding time. Much more so than our attempts at nursing with me crying in pain, her struggling to latch, crying with hunger and thrashing her arms and legs about! I don’t feel like I’m missing out on any closeness with her and she’s a happy healthy active baby!

You're doing the right thing, a fed baby is the priority. I actually combi fed for 3 months, and at nap/bed times I would put my face right up to hers for snuggles once she's finished the bottle so we still had that skin contact and closeness.

she won't resent you, you're her mummy and no one else comes close to her bond with you

By the time my milk came in, DS had utterly trashed my nipples and I was in a bad way. I went to a breast feeding support group and they couldn't help me find a position that was comfortable to feed him. In retrospect I think he was tongue tied. My milk supply disappeared the day after it came in, I assume it was my fault as I wasn't pumping/feeding enough as it was too sore.

I still feel guilty I wasn't able to BF him but there are some very nice things about it, mainly that DH can share the load 50/50!

I don't think that my bond with him is any less than friends of mine who have breastfeed, I'm still his favourite person!

Don't beat yourself up (even thought it's easier said than done), your baby will be happiest if you are happy!

I only made it to 3 weeks bf DS. It will not affect your closeness one little bit, you will still be feeding changing and tending to every need of your baby. DS is now 12 and still tells me I'm the best Mum ever most days, in between odd Kevin the teenager moments.

Exact same happened to me with both my babies. I tried with both, but ended up each time with babies having blood in their mouth because I was so sore and me being in tears every time they were hungry as I was finding it so hard.
I totally totally understand the guilt thing, if I'm honest, I still have it (eldest is 3 and youngest 4 months). They both have CMPA which I know wouldn't have happened had I been able to carry on BFing.
BUT it was totally the right thing for our family. I was instantly happier and more relaxed. My partner got to have a go at feeding, so can help in the night and she got some of the special time with her too.
Your bond with your baby will continue to grow no matter how you feed them. Please try not to give it any more thought. You've made the decision, move on and enjoy your baby. Oh and congratulations x

I switched at 8 weeks. I had the exact same feelings, I was actually glad that I got a block milk duct at 7 weeks and had to carry on for a bit longer until it was sorted! I felt sad about giving up breast feeding for about 6 months or more (less and less as time went on), and sometimes get a little pang when I see my friends feeding their toddlers. But switching to formula meant that both me and DS weren't crying every day, so I instantly felt a lot better. We're at 16 months now, and I'm so glad I switched.

DS and me have a great bond. You can get the same cosied in feeling while giving a bottle. I highly doubt he remembers breast feeding at all, he now drinks cows milk out of a cup.

Oh I know how you feel.
We had so many feeding issues and it took me along time to accept it wasn’t working out.
Our bond has not been affected at all. If anything it made it stronger because I finally relaxed and started to enjoy her. She’s a toddler now and we just have the best time together.

I had similar experience, Nicky. I did express but, honestly, my son thrived when I tailed off the breast feeding and gave him a bottle. He'd been colicky and that disappeared. He thrived even more when he started eating proper solid food.

Don't feel guilty, you have certainly done your best. Ten weeks is nearly three months, many can't manage more than a week! Your baby will have received ample immune system support.

Fed is best.

If breastfeeding is affecting your health, mental or otherwise it's not worth it. Your child will be fine, you tried. It's every woman's choice and I think people forget that. I managed 5 months but I was one of the lucky ones who didn't struggle.

Thank you so much for all your kind words of encouragement and reading everyone’s experiences has definitely helped

Op if you have trouble whilst stopping feeding, blocked ducts etc. You can give your breasts a gentle squeeze in the shower (I'm not a perve honest 😂) just enough to relieve the pressure. I struggled stopping as I found it very painful but that definitely helped

Good advice, Jessie. I had no problems but didn't go cold turkey, withdrew breast feeding and expressing gradually.

I'm sure the op and her baby will be absolutely fine, she really did try hard.

We struggled so much and my baby was plummeting through the centiles even after having a tongue tie snapped at around 4 weeks old. I'm still not sure what the issues were. We fed so much but didn't seem to work! She wasn't consuming enough calories from me for whatever reason. I too felt guilty, and really sad when I saw others feeding as it looked so effortless (I know it likely wasn't!). But at 13 months I've accepted it and I know my daughter thrived, she's a bouncing happy healthy girl and it hasn't hindered her. You've tried and in hindsight I wish I had accepted it sooner and not gone through so much - the first two months were just back and forth to doctors and midwives and constant weigh ins followed by tears.

It feels awful but I promise that in time you will wonder why it bothered you so much. I’d recommend still doing skin to skin; maybe after a bath or in the evenings or mornings.