How to stop breastfeeding

[cupoftea84]

I currently feed my DS to sleep. Hes16 months. He wakes 2-3 times unless he's ill then more. Each time I feed him back to sleep.

Sometimes he goes in his cot awake but settles down.

I don't feed during the day.

I'd like him to sleep through but accept that he's just not child.

My husband is frustrated by him not sleeping through. For that reason and that we'd like to conceive another child he thinks I need to stop feeding. He does help get him back to sleep at night if he's already feed recently or I can't get him to sleep.

I tried to put him to bed last night without feeding him. He screamed so much I ended up in tears shaking. I was making my baby that upset and it was horrible so I just fed him I couldn't let him continue. I've said I'm not doing it again and we should focus on less feeding over night.

Now how do I reduce feeding over night?

Also a little bit of me resents my husband for thinking it's that simple. I'd happily just continue as we are. He says I need better sleep and need to stop. DS is also clingy with me and DH thinks that'll change if I stop feeding him.

Urgh (I would really like some good sleep though) so how is it done?

I don’t know but my ff baby stopped having milk during the night at 13 months but that did not mean she would sleep through. Sorry.

Honestly, sleep might improve if you night wean but it isn't a magic cure all and doesn't suddenly make it easier for dad's to offer support.

I waited til DS was a little bit older than yours (21 mo) and with a lot of preparation (I read 'Loving comfort: a toddler weaning story' every day for a couple of months, then we talked about the book- this helped more I think,) then we went with trying to resettle without milk if it seemed easy but not to let him get worked up. Gradually night feeds reduced then I stopped all together, but not without explaining this. Only 3 nights til he stopped asking and virtually no tears. We kept bedsharing as needed and the bedtime feed/ gymnastics session until that tailed to a couple of minutes if that. We then called time on that too- 30 seconds and then more bothered about finding a book!

But bedtime itself didn't get better until we stopped naps

He doesn't sleep through that often even now at 2.7. But if he wakes, I hop in with him and then we usually just sleep til morning. I brought him through to my room last night on his request as DH is away. But honestly, after that, nothing for 7 hours!

Could you gradually reduce the amount of time he is feeding for? Or try and stretch the time between feeds to do it more gradually?

Thanks for the advice. I'll try the book.

I was in exactly the same position as you! Sympathies.

I tried to not feed before bed, but it was too traumatic. I ended up compromising, and deciding to feed before bed but not overnight. Initially DD was not happy about not being fed back to sleep overnight and cried, but after a few nights things got better, and then better again. DD still feeds before bed, but she does go into her cot awake. She still wakes in the night, and inevitably comes into our bed around 4am, but she knows she doesn't get fed in the night now. She will still ask, but I just pretend to be asleep and ignore her, and she settles down.

Re fertility, everyone will tell breastfeeding has an impact on fertility, but also that every woman is different. I was feeding 2-3x a day and struggling to conceive (5-6 months of trying), but then it just happened. Are you ovulating? You can use OPKs, or ask your GP to order a blood test for you that tells you conclusively if you're ovulating. If you are, then chances are you will conceive if you keep trying, breastfeeding or not.

Good luck

oh yes @chipnightisthenestnight we did three two one zero countdown to end feeds and gradually less and less 'sleepy' when i did that

Dad had to put mine to bed and do the night wakes for a few days

You need to try and replace with another form of comfort. Send in your other half for cuddles or to walk up and down the hallway (this is what we have to do sometimes), try a comforter that smells like you. Whatever you do, your DS won't like it and will be angry just because it's a change from what he's used to, but persevere and he will get used to it and be fine.

You need to reduce it gradually rather than just stop, especially because at 16 months he is too young to understand what's going on. You could do this by limiting the time and gradually reducing it, or by replacing one feed at a time with a bottle.

You could ask your husband to give him a cup/bottle of expressed milk or cows milk at bedtime - especially if it's your husband who wants to cut down the night feeds - babies are often more willing to take a bottle from someone who isnt their mum as when you do it they know you could be breastfeeding them instead!

I also found the bedtime feed the hardest to cut out, and actually the least onerous for me to do so not even worth cutting it out! You can still conceive while breastfeeding (I did) but the less you feed the more likely it is that your fertility will return. So if its just one bedtime feed then you probably could still be fertile.

I was in this position (only fed at bedtime and during night back to sleep) and had to go away for work for 1 night when dd was 15 months old, she never took a bottle but ate well so wouldn’t be hungry. DH had to deal with the night wakings, she still woke twice at the same times as usual but he was able to comfort her fairly easily. I missed bedtime the following night due to traffic so DH did that again and I did the night wakings but decided to take the opportunity to stop feeding altogether and did manage to get her back to sleep with cuddles, she woke again for a couple of nights but then started sleeping through for the first time.