Does she know what she's saying?

[Bringiton2019]

My DD is nearly 8, I've been split and divorced from her Dad for over 2 years.

I've met someone new and we've all been living together for the last year. My DP is great with my DD and DS.
This week DD has been obsessed with valentines and has been saying she thinks DP will propose to me, then she starting saying my DP gives my DS (her older Bro by 1 year), all the nice things.

She said that her Dad would be upset if I married DP and that he has no one and is lonely.

Her Dad is a complex person with anxiety and depression, so I think he does tell her these things, or maybe she picks up on it?!

She seems to have developed this behaviour, where she sneak downstairs and get some sweets, I'll find a packet in her room and she'll lie and say it wasn't her.

I'm worried she's now reacting for me and her Dad splitting up.

Should I be worried or is this normal (ish) behaviour for a 7 year old?

Oh OP don't blame your split. It's a very weird age and both of my DD"s were to put it bluntly, ODD at this age. And difficult.

They're not little children and they're not big children either so they're all at sea.

One part of them thinks they understand the big issues and the other part of them just wants a cuddle.

She sounds like she's feeling a bit insecure.

Just dismiss the comments about proposal...tell her "We're happy as we are...you don't need to think about marriage!"

And change the subject.

Give her more hugs and attention than usual.

I would be on the look out for anxieties in her. Within a year of her parents splitting a strange man moves in?

She will have a good deal of feeling about her father's position in all this, and feel very protective of him, your ds may also but just not be acting out in the same way.

You need to check with your dp that he's not planning this, as its obviously unnerving your dd, so the timing is off.

I would act now to head off any further difficulties.

Have you all talked through the difficult bits of the family break up and moving on?

Whether he's putting thoughts in her head or not, she's a little girl who's seen her daddy quickly replaced by a strange man who favours her brother.

That's a massive thing to deal with when you're old enough to understand but too young to be listened to.

Speak to her about the stealing but I'd think maybe it's really upsetting watching her dad struggle. Maybe he has told her he's lonely - or maybe seeing you with DP makes her worry about her dad. She needs a lot of love and a lot of cuddles.

Have you addressed the favouritism comments with DP? It's normal for her to favour her dad over him - it's not normal for him to blatantly have a favourite.

All these behaviours (saying her brother gets all the nice things, saying her Dad would be upset if you and DP got married, sneaking sweets and fibbing about it) are normal in themselves for a 7yo. However, when they are all put together, they might indicate a child who is having a difficult time emotionally.

While you shouldn't blame yourself and the divorce, you should be prepared for some fallout from it and the need to support both your DC through it.

As a pp says, lots of extra cuddles and attention and reassurance and compassion for your DD is a good start. Can you two have a 'girls day out' together while your partner takes your DS somewhere? Encourage her to talk about things that may be bothering her. I don't really like pp's idea of closing down the conversation and changing the subject - if she wants to talk about this, listen to her.

Thank you 😊

Lots of good advice. She's very emotional at the moment, so I'll talk to her on our own later.

I'm also going to take her out on Monday for some girls time. I know she worries about her Dad being on his own too.