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Do Grandparents calm down with 2nd Grandchild?

5 replies

Nikster11 · 10/02/2020 16:12

Just wondered what people's experiences were regarding this?

When I had my Daughter, my MIL was incredibly overbearing (it was her first grandchild so not sure if this makes a difference). Without going in to every single detail, she would basically turn up nearly every day of my maternity leave with no warning, she would apologise for just turning up every single time, however made no effort to do anything differently. She would turn up with her friends while we were eating dinner to show off the baby and stay while we were sat on the sofa mid meal and exhausted, she would invite her side of family over and then leave and say "oh I don't want to take over". She purchased first Xmas dress, stocking, advent calendar, just about every first possible. She gave constant advice on how to bring up baby (which left me feeling absolutely useless). She would constantly invite family to stay over at hers, and then message to say so and so was staying over for a few nights and could we meet them with the baby. Just generally tried to take over and seemed as though she thought the baby was hers to show off etc.

Anyway, my partner had about a hundred words with her and eventually she calmed down. Took about 18 months - 2 years, and only really calmed down once I went back to work and she could look after my Daughter a couple of days a week.

I will say now though that she is absolutely brilliant. She is incredibly helpful, and I am massively grateful for everything she does for us. She is always willing to help, will drop everything else when we need her etc. The relationship really is so different now that she's calmed down.

We are due another baby next month, which will be her 2nd Grandchild and I just wondered if she might revert back to some of her previous behaviours, or if generally Grandparents tend to calm down when it is the 2nd Grandchild as it's not quite so overwhelming etc?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Lelophants · 10/02/2020 20:18

She sounds very intense and a bit abnormal tbh doI really hope so.

Shookethtothecore · 10/02/2020 20:21

Nope- they calm down when they are explicitly told

Snaleandthewhail · 10/02/2020 20:21

She sounds very very difficult and you probably need your DH to have a talk now on the lines of “you know how last time you were completely nuts, well, this time... no”.

Mine weren’t like that at all. But what interest they had had massively declined by the time subsequent grandchildren were born. We were also less worried about telling them “no”.

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user32564567 · 10/02/2020 20:24

'They' are not all the same.

rottiemum88 · 10/02/2020 20:29

Grandparents aren't a breed of people you know Hmm

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