Massively struggling being a mother

[muddypuddles12]

I guess I'm just here for a bit of a handhold and to get other people's input as to whether they've ever felt like this.
I have a 9 month old baby, and for the majority of his life I have found being a mother very easy. Up until a few months ago, he was just one of those babies who never cried or whinges. People would comment constantly about how mild mannered he was, and how happy and content he was. I say this for no reason other than to give you some context and contrast compared to how he is now. The last few months, I don't know what has changed but he has become one of those children who honestly whines and whinges for around 90% of the day and I am beginning to find myself struggling to enjoy him....at all.
From the second he wakes to the second he goes to sleep, he is moaning. NOTHING satisfies him. He has started refusing solids (still taking his milk) and he's either crying, screaming, whining or whinging unless I carry him around with me, and even then sometimes he's still not happy. I used to leave him on his playmat and he would be happy and content for a long time but now I can barely put him down for 2/3 minutes.
I don't know if he's unwell, teething or what, but I find myself sitting in the corner crying and just (I can't believe I am even admitting this) longing for my old life back.

I know you will all say it's normal for babies to cry and moan, and I totally understand that, but is it normal for them to cry and moan constantly throughout the day and for weeks at a time?

I feel like there must be something wrong with him, maybe he's in pain from something because I other people's babies don't seem to be as miserable as him.

Please be gentle I'm feeling incredible fragile and just looking for others points of view and whether anyone has been through this with their baby, and can reassure me that it does get better!

Thank you xx

Have you taken him to the doctors or spoken to your health visitor? Might be worth it to check he isn’t ill or in pain x

Yes it’s normal for babies to cry but not all day every day. How is his sleep?
As he has gone off solids I would take him to the GP to check throat and ears in case there is any little infection there.
How are his bowel movements?

Slightly different as my DD cried form birth and it nearly broke me- until recently (she’s 19 months). Honestly, I think it’s mostly been teething this whole time as well as a highly strung personality. I think I underestimated how painful it is to have all your teeth come through. Also 9 months can be a frustrating time as they are learning to walk/ crawl and all this new development is happening.

Worth a trip to the GP/ health visitor to check.

Just remember to ask for much support as you can. You will get through it.

I've had something similar with my 9 month daughter. Since she became confident in crawling and standing she constantly wants my attention and I can hardly get anything done. Like yours, happiest being picked up and although she's eats some food, it's a struggle.
I give her finger food to keep her hands busy and then spoon feed her. Distracting her with someone else, eating with friends works well to.
I got a standing play table which does distract her a bit and keeps her happy. I brought a ready made baby sensory box from eBay which kept her quiet for ages!
I hoping it's a phase, today she seemed much happier actually so hoping I'm coming out of it. Good luck

I would try a day of giving regular doses of calpol (every 4 hours), to see if that makes a difference. If it is pain from teething then this should make him feel better and hence alleviate his mood.
I give my 8 month old calpol most days just now due to teething pain. It definitely takes the edge off.

Also my baby goes really off his food when he's not feeling well.

My daughter has been high maintenance from day 1! He may be going through a devlooemental stage, learning to talk, stand etc. A demanding baby is an intelligent baby or at least that's what I keep telling myself... He's whinging because he knows when he whinges he had a good mummy who is going to meet his needs! Otherwise he would just be quiet.
When DD was 9 mo she was teething like a goodun and kept biting all the time, I remember being in tears thinking when will it end, then one day they just change. It will come, when he starts being able to communicate and get around better he will be less frustrated x

My DS went through a very whiny stage around the same time. He just seemed so unhappy all the time and moaned and whined the whole time he was awake. It lasted a few months. I put it down to a mix of teething, frustration at not being able to do what he wanted in terms of crawling/walking, and developmental leaps. I think there is a really long leap around that time. Have you given calpol to see if that stops the moaning?

Thank you all very much for your input.
We have been back & forth to the GP and urgent care for almost 3 months and we eventually had no choice but to go to a private doctor as he has a lot of issues with allergies and intolerances which have been causing a number of issues (he went through a phase of 2 months where he was vomiting daily) which we actually thankfully seem to now be on top of, but it hasn't improved his demeanour. He is no longer vomiting and we are on top of his feeding (milk wise) now, but he is more unhappy than ever.
He has always been a fantastic sleeper, which I am so thankful for, and he is sleeping like normal (if anything I have noticed he is becoming tired way earlier than normal). He's been going to bed an hour earlier than normal (normally 7pm) for the past week as he's been furiously rubbing his eyes from about 5pm onwards so it's been a battle to keep him awake past 6pm most days! Is this a sign of teething? Can teething last for weeks? He got his first tooth around 7months and already has 6 teeth but it's never affected his overnight sleep so I perhaps naively thought it wasn't bothering him??

Wow I have just seen some of the latest responses and just breathed a huge sign of relief. He isn't crawling yet but desperately trying to, and yes it's like all of a sudden he just needs constant attention. Never happy or content and gets bored within 5 minutes when he was never like this before.
Praying like you say it's a leap and we get through it soon.
Can't thank you enough for making me remember I'm not the only person out there who's baby can be difficult (even though some days it certainly feels that way!!!)

What are his nap times? Is he crawling? Cruising?

Is he quite slobbery, red cheeks etc.?

Go easy in yourself too. Could be any number of things, growth spurt, teething etc sounds like you have both been through a lot as well. My dad used to say to me 'this too shall pass' - so generally a phase he is going through and you will get through it. Xx

Does he nap once or twice a day? When mine went to one nap his bedtime was a lot earlier for a period of time. And he definitely slept more during leaps. That period of time was absolutely the hardest for me and it was around the time I was due to go back to work and I was ready to go and have some time away from him. Which sounds awful now but at the time I was reaching my limit.

There are many phrases on mumsnet I love. 'What ever it is, it's a phase.' Kind of reflects this. It works well for when you're ultra proud and at risk of feeling smug.

My recomendations are chat to your health visitor, if it helps write down a typical day to say this is more than a bad day. Health visitors can be a great shoulder to cry on but they can also make lots of suggestions of things to try.

Not medical advice but just based on a personal experience...did behaviour change around the time of solids introduction? DS1 had a phase of constipation. I didn't know it was that as he was still pooing but the doctor recognised (could feel in his abdomen) he was backed up and permanently grouchy. He was given some meds and over a couple of weeks it cleared completely and his grouchyness improved.

My next suggestion is to take the support offered by those around you. If this phase is taking it's toll on you, step away for a bit. Have a whole hot drink, watch a film, have a long bath. If you have support available don't be a martyr. It's absolutely fine to need some time to yourself. If you're happy and well (physically and mentally) it's easier to have a happy and well DC. If you don't have support could you afford the odd half day in nursery to buy yourself some time?

@PerfectPeony2 definitely not related to naps as he's a fantastic napper and sleeps 12/13 hours each night. Not hunger as he's offered lots of food and is currently rejecting most of it (I then sometimes offer milk afterwards to make sure he isn't hungry - don't want to encourage anymore moaning 🤣)
I know when he's been teething in the past as vvv.red cheeks and his cheeks also get little rashes that then go as the redness goes. He has a canine tooth coming through that I can see just peeking through the gum, but no red cheeks and so far it hasn't affected naps or nighttime sleep so I assumed it wasn't bothering him....
He is very dribbly and chews on anything and everything in sight, but that's fairly standard for him and something he's done ever since he gained the skills to successfully aim something into his mouth!

In that case. My guess is he’s going through a lot of development! He’s pissed off that he’s a baby and can’t do all the things he wants.

My DD was incredibly active and didn’t settle down until she could walk independently. Luckily she was an early walker!

Take a deep breath, leave the room if you need to, tell yourself it’s just a phase and look after yourself.

@Standinguptononsense thank you so much, wonderful advice that I will certainly try to remind myself!

@MrsL2016 still on 2 naps, one short morning and a long lunch nap generally waking around 2:30/3 when he used to easily be able to last until 7pm bedtime but he seems permanently shattered. V.interesting that you say he slept more during leaps. A lot of things do point to it being a leap but according to wonder weeks he's not currently in one 
I absolutely feel the same way. Due to return to work in 2 months and I feel like the worst mother in the world admitting that a huge part of me is feeling utter relief that I get to have a bit of time away.

@PerfectPeony2 thank you for a very kind and sympathetic message. He actually has been constipated on and off for months due to his intolerances, but he has been pooping more regularly for the past few days. Doc prescribed lactulose which I've used a little but am a little scared to overdo it (even though they said you can't really as it's just sugar water?!) I may be a little more liberal actually as I guess it could definitely be a contributing factor. It was in the back of my mind anyway as he was a breastfed baby until 7 months and pooped round the clock, but that has all changed in recent months.
I'm very fortunate to have a very supportive DH and lots of family around me who all adore my son and fight amongst themselves to take him whenever I need some help, but I think your message certainly rings true in that I often find myself being a bit of a martyr and what for? It's not helping anyone. Take home message = accept help!

@HoneyCheesecake so simple but so true. Maybe he's just cross because he's realised that he could crawl over to that toy in the corner that he wants but he just can't quite work out how to get there yet!

Calpol dear! Calpol was my secret when my kids was like that 🙈

Loads of fantastic advice here OP.
I just wanted to say I too couldn't wait to get back to work and until recently was embarrassed to admit that. Everyone else's babies seem chilled out and I spent far to much time comparing.
My DD was an angry,screamy clingy baby for quite some time and we tried everything to try and work out what was wrong. I felt such a failure. Each day seemed never ending.
She's 18 now. Independent,driven and feisty.
I wouldn't have her any other way but boy those early days were tough.
There's no such thing as doing the wrong thing. It either works or doesn't work and it sounds to me like you're doing a great job with a very tricky customer.
This too shall pass.

OP my boy is (and I say this in the nicest way) a really whingy child. He has improved more and more since he started crawling and even more since he started walking and it's just improved from then. Around the 9 month mark he was desperately trying to crawl and was getting so frustrated and angry. It may well be this. I am hoping you find when he starts properly crawling things start to improve. Then the fun really begins! 😀

Please don’t ram him full of calpol! It’s only supposed to be used for 3 consecutive days.

I think around 9 months is a classic ‘clingy’ phase so it may be that he is struggling with separation anxiety?

I'm pretty sure around 9 months is when they start to realise that you can leave them and it makes them extra clingy for while if hes teething on top of that I can imagine its hell. Hopefully it's just a phase and itll pass soon.

Sounds a lot like reflux both they do go through these phases. They snap out of it after a few weeks.

Thank you all for your lovely kind words of encouragement and lack of judgment in equal measure. I think he sensed my frustration as he has woken up this morning in a wonderful mood. I did give him calpol this morning as he woke up with incredibly red cheeks, and again at 3pm so this may have contributed to the better mood (if teething was the issue), but whatever is going on I feel far more equipped to deal with it trusting you all that it's a phase that will, like all others, eventually pass. Although the sooner the better preferably