Ex says he's walking away from kids because I won't let him come and go as he pleases

[inthedarkX]

So my ex has text me saying I will have to bring the kids up alone and the kids will hate me just because I asked him to give me a proper routine for the kids! He thinks he can just turn up in the morning for school run without prior discussion and this weekend gave me a few hours notice before wanting to come get the kids without prior discussion. So I told him, he either gives me proper arrangements or he stays away so he's text me nasty things and said he will never see the kids again! I stood my ground in wanting proper arrangements and he didn't like it!
He said the kids will now hate me and search for him when they are older and go live with him!
I didn't like him giving me less than 12 hours notice to see kids, turning up when he wanted and going through our 13 year old to arrange contact and because I put my foot down and stood my ground I'm told i will bring them up alone! Why is it so hard for him to listen and come to an agreement!! So worried and stressed right now!

Ignore. He's just trying to regain control. Keep all of the abusive texts.

How old are your kids?

Stay calm.
Seek legal advice.
Agree with PP, he is trying to control things

I had the same conversation with my ex. He hasn’t seen them now for 14 years. The kids still live with me (they won’t move out!!!) and it’s very much his loss.

I told them I’m age appropriate ways what was happening and have given them more information as they’ve gotten older. Even when we emigrated he didn’t care or try and contact them.

DD2 is currently in England and has been trying to meet up with her dad. He fled the country a few months ago (his new wife came home to a note on the table saying he was leaving and moving to Singapore) and DD2 is being messed about with phone calls and WhatsApp messages when it suits him.

Keep everything in writing and make sure you have text proof of what’s happened. That way when he tells everyone how awful you are not letting him see his children you can prove them wrong.

Btw - my kids don’t hate me, have no intention of living with him and appreciate the job I’ve don’t bringing them up and see him for the sad, waste of space he actually is.

Isn't funny how these men who choose not to have a relationship with their children because their Ex won't give into their demands always think that once their child turn 18 the child will suddenly hate the person and go off with a stranger, because lets face it that's what the missing parent is.

His choice.

tell him that it’s in the best interests of the DC to have consistent regular contact and that is why you are taking this approach. Tell him EOW and one night during the week is standard as being in the children’s interest.
Ask him if he is not happy with this then what would he like to do that is consistent and regular.

And never let him have them with less than 12 hours notice. That is not in their interests. You need to stand firm

It seems to be common for men who walk away to threaten the mum that the kids will hate her. I dont understand this logic. The kids will hate him, not you. Especially if you have evidence (e.g. these texts) that you made a perfectly reasonable request and he refused.
He is trying to get his own way. Stand your ground. He is the one who will lose out in their arrangement.

He’s a right drama llama isn’t he.

Actually kids do far better with a steady routine. So stay strong, and don’t let him control you.

If he wants to see them, he will turn up, if he doesn’t show, it’ll be because he can’t be bothered, not because of anything you do.

He is both trying to control you and find a get out clause to being a adult and not parenting properly. You known insisting on a routine and modelling good clear boundaries is what is best for children.

He's now texting my 13 year old arranging things and completely ignoring me when I've asked him things in regards to the kids and stuff. He will do something bad soon because I'm standing up to him I can see it

Be careful

Let him go.
My ex wouldn't agree to anything. He stopped seeing the dc's almost 11yrs ago.

Off he goes then.

Sounds like the kids would be better off without this fuckwit in their lives.

See it's not unusual for a non resident parent to text a teenager to arrange outings etc but generally, I'd make sure your child knows to ask you first.