struggling to let people hold my baby

[Butterflyy20]

my baby is a week old now and i have had visitors every single day since. i am aware people are excited but dh parents have been every day turning up without asking expecting to hold my baby that i've barely even registered yet as i'm still in a bubble. They are now arguing as we said we want some time on our own as a family of 3 without visitors! am i being unreasonable?? i just feel so protective and i want time with my baby without them complaining they've only held him "5 minutes" tia

Absolutely not! I wouldn't let anyone come round within the first week let alone every day. This is your baby and you make the rules, if they want to get pissed off then let them. A baby isn't magically going to grow into a toddler in a few weeks! Enjoy these precious days.

Not unreasonable at all to want some time just the three of you. Our families always ring or text first to check its ok to come round and don't stay for hours.
Are you breastfeeding or bottle feeding?

I’m not surprised you feel that way, every day is far too much! We plan to limit visitors in the first 2 weeks while DH is off; people can come and meet the baby but DH (and me) need time to bond with him too especially before DH then goes back to work

Oh God YANBU.

Mine is 3 weeks old and I'm now at the point of bitterly resenting visitors* - every hour they're here is a nap we can't have. They also ask unbelievably intrusive questions. Pricks.

*Except for DH's friends who turned up, said nice things, made the tea for us and left within 45 minutes.

I would make a habit of taking the baby into the bedroom to feed which ever way you’re feeding and day you just need to settle the baby. That will soon put people off too

This would drive me insane! Grandparents need to learn to back off & allow new families to become just that! Some of the family stories I read on here leave me astonished. Grandparents seem to think they have a right to do as they please with your baby, it’s bizarre. You are adults, you’ve just had a baby. You need to recover & you need time to just relax without having to socialise constantly!

Even my mum who lives 5 mins away wouldn’t dream of just popping in without asking me first. Just a quick text & she’s never offended if I say no!

YANBU! My in-laws were like this turning up everyday. I didn't mind afew visits from grandparents/close family in the first couple of weeks but not everyday and not for long periods. I understand they are excited but I think they forget how overwhelming having a new baby is especially if it's your first.
Stick to your guns, unfortunately I found since having my babies some family members have become quite entitled and you need to make some clear boundaries from the start.

I think it's alright to let yours and DH's parents to visit the baby, but every day is too far. A quick visit to see the baby and see how you both are, and then give you space to get into a routine. People do get very excited about babies, forgetting just how much they can turn things upside down for the new parents - even if they have had babies themselves!

No - the way you feel is normal. I didn't like people holding my baby when he was that age. I would just tell everyone you are too tired and need to rest and only let helpful visitors round (one's that unload the dishwasher, make their own tea etc) or perhaps offer some half hour slots but explain baby may be asleep.

Sorry just to add ideally get your DH to explain this to them rather than do it yourself.

Oh my gosh! Tell them to sod off! It’s your baby, and you’re barely recovered from birth! You need to bond not cater to visitors.

No one held my baby, apart from grandparents, for the first three months or so! No one was rude enough to ask and I didn't feel like offering. Do remember to make them wash their hands beforehand too, if you do let them.

Not at all! The plan was for us to have 2 days to ourselves but we had a 5 day stint on the ward so said people could come visit for my own sanity more than anything and then once we were home we wanted some space

Nope. Most midwives will suggest only Mum and Dad hold baby for the first few weeks.

You are not unreasonable at all. You need time as just a 3 to bond and recover from the birth. Dh’s parents really forced themselves on us when ds1 was born. I wasn’t in a good state after he was born and I wasn’t strong enough to stop them and just let it happen and sat there watching them pass round my baby like a parcel and didn’t get to even hold him for days at a time when they visited. It affected our bonding and I think it definitely contributed to my pnd and I felt quite disconnected from him as if he wasn’t mine. I still feel quite sad looking back on that time and wish I’d been able to put my foot down and keep it just the 3 of us for the first few weeks. I was firmer when ds2 was born. I of course had them visit but not for days at a time and if I wanted my baby back I got him back. At times they weren’t happy but tough. Being a new mum can be hard. Do what is best for you. Plenty of time for them to bond with the baby in future.

Your baby is a tiny newborn. You are both brand new parents, in charge of this precious bundle. The only thing that matters right now is that the three of you settle happily and safely.