Women do 10 hours more domestic work every week than men, is it because women just don't mind?

[Zenlifeforme]

I want to see what other mums think about gender roles....

Obviously this doesn't apply to single parents.

But for those in couples we women do on average 26 hours of unpaid domestic work a week, including childcare, whereas men on average do 16.
When we are on maternity leave this becomes more like 60 hours as we care for a baby. Which in monetary terms equates to nearly £40k a year (according to the ONS). There are jobs out there where people get good money to care for babies (eg nannies), yet as the actual mother only some of us get paid, and not even a fraction of that amount (eg if we worked before having children we get statutory pay or if we have a good employer they pay us some of our wage for some of the year).

My question is: Why do women do more of this unpaid under valued work in the home?

If we really hated it why dont we do something about it? Arent all humans programmed to want contentment after all, so really do we just not mind the extra work? We do the extra cos actually it's not so bad?

Or maybe it's that all other women we know do more so we just go with our gender stereotype? (cultural). On mat leave every other woman we know just 'gets her head down and gets on with it' so we follow suit, even though we shoulder the majority of the donkey work.

Is it because it's just the way it's always been?

Thoughts, opinions and further questions all very welcome

Thanks

'Women often significantly overestimate the domestic work they do, as women still believe they should do most of it and when questionnaires like this are sent out many will lie. What woman would admit they nap when the baby naps or that after the kids start school/ they return from work they like to shove the kids in front of the TV and get a takeaway / readymeal for a bit of peace.'

Even if they nap when the baby naps they are still taking care of their child, the husband isn't. Even if they put the telly on they are still responsible for childcare, even if they get a takeaway they're still feeding their child.

Whereas the blokes are doing what exactly?

And in answer to the OP the men who don't share half do it because they, consciously or subconsciously, see it as women's work that they are too good for and shouldn't have to do. The women end up doing it because no one else will.

For those who are doing an unequal proportion - why and why have you enabled it?

My dh grandma, long gone now used to make me laugh. Never did a days work in her life and was a sahm and proper old fashioned housewife, quite mc. You'd visit her and she'd say the same story all the time.
Why do women go round picking up after men? Leave it there they'll soon pick it up when they run out.
Even in her day they didn't do it, why enable men to be useless today? I just don't get it.
Her husband would set his things out for the next day, make his own lunch to take. Only one child but he was a good involved father.

grumpy that's exactly how it goes when dh stays home with dc when I'm away for a couple of days :o

Lots of women don’t work or work part time so I would expect most of not all of the housework to be done by them. Same as if the man was in that situation.

We both work full time and it’s split equally but I’d settle for nothing less and in return don’t expect DH to work more than me or have to shoulder the financial burden simply because he’s male.

Au contraire, I mind a lot. I can't stand to live in the kind of shit tip that DP doesn't seem to mind. It's a battle enough to get him to change the sheets.

My dream is to go back to the days when we were dating and he would spruce his house up before I came over

Why do I do more? Because when I challenge h on the imbalance, he is absolutely fucking vile to me, and so I shut up and knuckle down. This isn't an unusual scenario in amongst my wonen friends.
I'm withdrawing my labour divorcing him. He's adament he will have the dc 50 50, but isn't stupid and absolutely knows how much harder he will have to work, so I have a feeling it's going to be a loooong process getting shot of him.

For those who are doing an unequal proportion - why and why have you enabled it?

Because I have lower standards. I don't mind the house being messy or drawers being open or how the dishwasher is loaded (or unloaded). I like taking shortcuts to get stuff done. I am more tolerant of mess. A pile of unwashed things doesn't stress me out. I'm out of practice with cooking so kind of bad cook I do cook. I have the 1 hr commute so I need to leave early & I get home later. It just makes sense for H (works locally, PT) to do most the housework & childcare, especially since he cares so much more about how things are done. He likes being in charge. I find the cleaning threads on MN baffling: why do so many people care so much? I try hard to spend my evenings & weekends doing child/housecare & admin, at least.

I think it’s probably - generally speaking - because they’re home more as women are more likely to give up work than men.

Dh and I both work full time but he is home more with dc because of my working pattern. I would say he surely does more of the day to day housework than me. But fair enough, whoever is home should be doing it.

However, obviously there are lots of women who just think it’s what they should do. I am more particular so I care more than dh does, but he’s enough of a grown up to know it doesn’t really matter and he still needs to get it done.

Useful replies.

Just to note about the data source, the Office of National Statistics usually use census data for there publications. You will have contributed to a survey if you have ever filled in a census questionnaire. They claim to be representative of the UK demographic.
Of course quantitative data such as this is just an average (there will be households where the man does loads more and vice versa) and there is no meat on the bones so to speak eg no background, no whys, no context. And yes as someone pointed out, researcher bias or survey bias where people over or under estimate what they do.

However saying all that, the fact so many people replied with explanations and personal anecdotes suggests there is a degree of truth in it.

The main trends I'm getting from these responses are:

Patriarchy/cultural conditioning

Practical reasons -more women work PT so do the homecare as have the time

Acceptance -the way it is, don't mind it, see as your role, want to be at home with kids, like it done a certain way

Resignation -feel it won't get done if you didn't do it. The woman is living with a 'manchild' and he cant look ofter a household in the way it needs. That certain women haven't picked a 'good one'.

Our programming as women is to put others first.

Domestic housework and childcare are separate things -women genrallyhappy with childcare but not with housework.

Fear - that if the women insisted the man took on half 'the drudgery' he might leave.

My questions from the above themes are:

Is it that we as women too easily get roles of motherhood and house work blurred? once we have kids, which we enjoy/want we resign ourselves to the housework element too as just think we have to? And this is reinforced by cultural conditioning and living in patriarchy?

Another question is, is the reason some of us women feel resigned to doing it/don't see it as our role but don't speak up and do it anyway, does that come down to self-esteem or an under valuing of ourselves? Feeling inadequate so don't fight for a better homelife? Don't think we deserve to be able to share more of the domestic work with partner?

Patriarchy.

Yes, as @woodencoffeetable says, it's because it wouldn't get done otherwise.

I am a single parent, but I notice even with the jobs my two teens have responsibility for, I have to remind them and remind them and remind them. So despite having a dishwasher the sink is always full of dishes because one is slow to unload, the other is slow to reload.

Only that I'm trying to TEACH them responsibility it would be so much easier and quicker and tidier to do it myself.

my x was the worst of every world, he noticed all dirt and mes but tutted me because of it! don't miss that.