Not sure about trying for baby number 2

[Brackendemon]

Hi,

I'm looking for some advice and some stories of how it really is with 2 children rather than 1.
I have a wonderful dd who is 2 and a half. She's really laid back, sweet and funny...but she's also a 2 year old so has the usual tantrums and so on which I know is normal and hope is a short phase! She adores babies and is incredibly gentle with them and I really think she would be a great big sister.
I am really struggling with deciding on trying for our second though. My husband has said it's my choice as he is happy either way. I'm a stay at home mum so I take care of our daughter most of the time. We are planning on home educating her, and would do the same with our second child.

So...when I get frustrated with our daughter after a day of tantrums I question if I have the patience for 2 children, am I a good enough mum to parent 2 at the same time?
I worry that my daughter would miss out on activities, my undivided attention, trips, groups and such if we have another. Can I still give her all the opportunities and experiences I hope to?
I also worry that our second child would miss out, for much of the same reasons. Can I afford to take 2 children to all the groups my daughter attends? Is streamlining things really such a bad thing? Would they get more out of each other than going to that one extra group a week? Is a walk in the woods and a picnic just as good? Would having a baby ruin everything for my daughter?

But at the core of it I'd love to have a second...but I think am I just thinking with my heart and not my head.

Sorry for the long and muddled post...though it does reflect exactly how my thoughts are at the moment! Xx

my first is nearly 6 and my second 2.5. my first is very challenging and I was worried for a long time I'd made the wrong decision, but now they (usually) play so so well together, run off together after school. dd2's first words some mornings are where's dd1? and asks to pick her up early from school.

it's beautiful to see their relationship develop and dd1's maturity having to deal with a toddler sister.

not guaranteed of course but if dd1 is laid back hopefully would be a good relationship. also good for adulthood.

if your gut says have another I'd go for it.

I think what they gain is more than they lose by having a sibling. Yes there is less money to go around, yes there is less undivided attention, but they learn to wait, they learn not everything revolves around them, they learn to love and protect a sibling.

Here's a poem I found (not sure on author), that I found beautiful.
---
Loving Two

I walk along holding your little hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me." And I hear myself telling you in mine, "I can't," knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him--as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times---only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how she adores you--as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you--only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you---you each have your own supply.

I love you---both. And I thank you both for blessing my life

Thank you for the replies, I loved the poem! It's nice to have a bit of reassurance to be honest. I do think it'd be lovely to have 2...plus she loves all her friends younger siblings 😁
I think it might be normal to have some doubts and insecurities about it though...especially if you didn't start off with a number in mind lol xx

Totally normal to worry about it, but I've never regretted my second, they argue and annoy each other, but also they entertain and amuse each other. At the weekend and on holidays they have a playmate and as they grow they get to share life together. When they become adults they'll hopefully have someone to share family life with, to complain about their parents to, to reminisce about childhood with. Can't buy any of that.

I feel a little guilty for my second, because the moment he was born his sister stopped being a baby and really grew up in my eyes (hard to explain, but it was powerful), my youngest will always be my baby to some extent, but I'm not having more.