Single parent but not single?

[jackio2205]

Does anyone genuinely feel like a single parent but actually have a partner? Me and my husband are not on the same team at all. I actually don't know how to be either, nevermind if I even want to sometimes .
We have two small (both under 2) children and I don't know if this is normal to feel like this? Has anyone got any advice, pleeeeease! X

Is it a difference in parenting styles that’s getting to you or is he just not pulling his weight.

Have you told him how you feel?

You’re going to need your hard hat OP.

Lots of single parents on here (including me) find parents saying they “feel like” single parents rather offensive?

Do you have financial support? Do you ever fear if you choked to death nobody would find your child for days? Do you worry who would have your child if you did die? Do you get up at 5am every fucking morning, and go to bed at midnight every fucking night, alone, with no sign or sight of that changing in the next 15 years?

No?

You don’t feel like a single parent then.

OP this post is going to get a load of negativity. I think what you’re trying to say is, your partner is a completely unsupportive arse and you do the lion share of the women’s work and taking care of the dc.

You’re not a single parent and unless you’ve been there you have zero idea of what that entails. It does make my blood boil when my friends say they feel like single parents. Until you’ve been there don’t surmise you know what it’s like because honestly it was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

Sorry...pressed post too soon. I’d suggest sitting down with your partner and reading him the riot act. It’s really not acceptable that he doesn’t muck in too.

I actually get what you are saying about being single, I can't relate, it's hard, but maybe this isn't about you.....
My husband has anxiety and depression so I'm actually doing everything for him physically and emotionally, supporting him every step of the way and beyond, I'm also dealing with the brunt of his anxiety and depressio as well as any feeling or physical need I may dare to have, oh and of course two children to be their everything. Your blood may boil but being alone is different to being lonely when you're in a marraige. I can't honestly say it's better or worse, but different, so let me feel what I want and am entitled to feel and maybe don't compare.
Apologies if the title is misleading, I should have put in a caveat for everyone else's feelings and points of view. For those that have been interested or gave genuine concern, thank you from the bottom of my heart, I really appreciate it.

I do understand. I found it easier as a single parent than I did supporting a man child.

Your marriage sounds lonely and your husband sounds very difficult. I feel for you. It must be shit.

It’s not like being a single parent though.

You're not a single parent. Your situation sounds tough but you're still not in the same position single parents are.

It’s actually worse to be looking after a man and children as well. I get that, and I’m a single mum. It was much much harder when I was trying to look after all of us and my ex was suffering from alcoholism and depression. So let’s be supportive and not argue about who’s life is hardest.

I felt like that and because of it I'm now going to be a real single parent. I'm looking forward to just looking after my actual children and not them plus a man child. I'm looking forward to some time off when they see their dad as I don't get any now. I'm looking forward to getting some child maintenance/tax credits and spending them as i see fit rather than as I am told. I'm sure there will be some difficult times but being unsupported in a relationship is also hard OP.

Thank gothabk you, really means a lot to feel Thank you so much, feels nice to be understood. I have spoken to him maaaaaaany times and he’s seeing a councellor and doing a few other things, there is hope on the horizon...
I just wondered if at any stage it gets easier, is it a thing that the first year of baby land is the hardest on your marraige then it gets easier, is there more light at the end of the tunnel, pretty please!

this is me!! DP is a big man child who doesn't help with anything but sit & play on his ps all day while i do cleaning washing cooking all while keeping DD amused!

Apologies, my app keeps hiding what I'm typing

My husband has anxiety and depression so I'm actually doing everything for him physically and emotionally, supporting him every step of the way and beyond,

What steps is he taking to try and overcome the anxiety and depression?

@JiltedJohnsJulie on your previous question yes different styles because I have the energy ( I do not know even know where from!!!!) to persevere with routines etc whereas he'll fold and give in, but then I have to rectify his mistakes as he'll get too stressed out, so at bedtimes for example I'll have to end up pacifying him and a baby or two....

its never "like beinga single parent", when you are with someone. no matter how shit they are

dont be so ignorant.

I think you need to write down a list of the pros of staying together and the cons.

If he has anxiety and depression, isn't seeking help and is effectively leaning on you for support but not offering anything in return, you may need to have a serious chat with him.

@JiltedJohnsJulie yup, had many serious chats, I just don't know what 'normal' looks like if that makes sense, how much trouble are marraiges meant to have, let alone with two small children, is it normal/okay to leave someone who has depression?

is it normal/okay to leave someone who has depression?

It depends on how motivated they are to overcome it.

@JiltedJohnsJulie yes good point and ultimately that's at my discretion, which is hard as I'm so in the middle of everything I can't see the wood from the trees tbh.
Thanks for your support and advice, appreciate it!!

He will get stressed out? How is that depression? Has he been diagnosed by his GP? Is he on any treatment at all?

Agree with thesheep vox etc. I've been a single parent, and I'm now one with a partner that works away, so for years I've done the bulk of the parenting. The two are not remotely comparable.

Your dp sounds like hard work to put it mildly, but it's possible to be having a tough time and ask for advice and sympathy without comparing yourself to single parents.

I've been in your situation and it's incredibly hard. But you can't be responsible for someone else's happiness, he needs to take some responsibility. My ex didn't and I had to leave in the end.

I'm now a single parent and I've honestly never been happier. However life is harder in a very different way. You can't compare bein in a difficult relationship with being a single parent -you really can't.

I'm a single parent. I've never been as lonely as I was when I was in a room with my now ex husband.

He will get stressed out? How is that depression? Has he been diagnosed by his GP? Is he on any treatment at all?

Wolfie has asked sone very valid questions. I think I had just assumed that he was diagnosed by a doctor and receiving treatmentand not just behaving this way because you do all of the work