Feel like I’m failing my son

[Chilledmummy2016]

Hi all, my lo was 3 in December last year. He is delayed in speech development and we are working at helping him, he goes to a nursery half day and nursery school the other half of day (just started)
He’s also not fully potty trained, he will use potty In house when naked but won’t ask to go outside of house. Today when his grandparents picked him up from school the teacher basically said he shouldn’t be in pull ups as it’s not fair on him and he shouldn’t be In School if not potty trained.
I feel so guilty about his speech and not being fully potty trained, I feel like I’ve failed him some how.

I feel like the school are judging us too.

All I want is to be a good mum and help my son as much as can.

Just needed to vent somewhere and see if anyone else feels or has been like this x

Sorry you're feeling like this. I was talking to parent friends about potty training today. My Dd trained easily at 2 yrs 2m. My ds is 2yrs 9m and showing no signs of potty training readiness. My friend said her eldest lad potty trained at over 3, and another mum said hers was 4. My sister in laws boy is 4 and at school this year and has accidents most days. So just to say some are later than others and I think that's normal. The social commentary is that boys are often later than girls.

I think it's a bit off of the nursery school to accept him and then tell you pull ups are a no-no. That's assuming he's in them because he hasn't been able to potty train yet, rather than you not trying. Do the school know you've tried to potty train him? Do they have someone who specialises in child development and might be able to help? Please don't feel guilty! Same for his speech delay, please don't feel guilty about that, you're working on it. Both the nursery and the nursery school should be supportive and working with you. If you think they are judging you (rather than worrying that they are), might it be an idea to send him elsewhere?

FWIW, I don't think 3 and a bit is that late to PT, definitely seen that before!!!

I'd say that's a pretty normal potty training age! I'm really surprised at the nursery saying otherwise. I'd go to a different nursery. He's still a toddler. You're not failing. He'll get there with your support.

Your DS is 3, not 6. He’s hardly delayed. My ds came out of nappies at 3 and didn’t speak a word until 27 months. He’s 11 now, totally healthy and can’t stop talking.

Ask your GP if you should be concerned but otherwise ignore the teacher, she’s hardly being helpful, is she?

That doesn't sound helpful at all OP. My ds is 3, also speech delayed and definitely not potty trained. His nursery isn't concerned.

Thanks for your replies all.
The nursery (not school one) are trying to help with the potty training by taking him back and fore to potty and asking him.
It’s just the school one aren’t as hands on.
I’m hoping it’s just the settling in period and the fact I’m emotional (pregnant with number 2) but it’s like I’m questioning everything I’m doing with my son.
The fact he’s my first and my mum friends I don’t see much anymore I just feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. My hubby tries to reassure me but he doesn’t worry like me

Your nursery sounds awful, very unsupportive.

I have friends with boys who are nearly 4 and not potty trained. It’s very common. I also know many children around the same age who are struggling with speech.

Give yourself a break! You are a good Mum or you wouldn’t be worrying. Please don’t accept nursery treating you like this though- explain the situation- to the manager, and if they’re still not supportive then find a new pre school.

@Chilledmummy2016

Is he at two nurseries?
If so, this won’t help with toilet training. The difference in approach, routine etc will be super confusing for him.
If I were you I’d fuck off all toilet training until you can keep him at home for a solid two week block, and really work on training then.
At present your DS has three sets of caregivers, all of whom will be approaching training differently. He’ll be ever so confused by that, and i imagine, possibly, the pull ups aren’t helping.

Yeah he’s at a nursery that he’s been at since 11. Months old half day then they drop him at school nursery.
He takes a while to settle in and due to me and the hubby working we wanted to try and ease him into school.
I’m trying not to take it to heart but it’s just hit me tonight.

School nursery are arseholes. My DC2 has just potty trainers at 3 and a half. Didn't even try earlier than that as he wasn't ready. He's been in nursery for three months prior to that so we wanted him to settle there. In no way unusual. My DC1 does have some delays and we tried earlier with her and it was a nightmare. She still has problems now at nearly 6. School are still v understanding.

They are being ridiculous. My son was almost 4 when he potty trained, my daughter 2. There is no rhyme or reason. Don’t stress your son out, he will get there

The advice from @TheSheepofWallSt is spot on. Why don’t you aim to potty train him over the Easter holidays. You can tell both nurseries your plans so that the heat is off for the time being. Then you have two weeks to crack it with him. I did that and it worked a treat! My son was over 3 too and I was getting very concerned about it. It was actually fine and he cracked it (with the help of a few chocolate buttons and a reward chart) in the first week.

Problem we have is due to us working it means he will be full days in nursery (non school one)during half term times.
The only time’s we have at the mo are weekends and after school.