Moving country and child arrangements

[Crimetv1]

Hi all

Has anyone experienced a parent abroad and how to manage.

I have been born in the uk I am British and I have had enough of this country to work to survive it's no life. I'm working 70 hours each week my partner is the same we have a 6 month old boy and my daughter who is 7 years old that lives with my ex partner.
We can no longer afford to live here things are getting so bad no matter how much we work we are left with £200 for travel to work, and food and good bit goes on baby milk and nappies as you mums knows that's £18 a week usually.
My partner is Italian and we have been many times and know we can have a more enjoyable life for us and the children to be children away from the London stress.

Me and my ex are not good we have court orders for everything as he is unable to be respectful my daughter lives with him and I have her weekends and half and half holidays.

If I was to go court again and make arrangements for her to stay half terms and school holidays with me. Would the judge consider this is this possible this plan.

We can not afford to live here I want a better life for all of us. And I will not uproot my daughter and move her country at the age of 7. And I rather make changes now while we are a young family then old and regret living a life worth living. But I am exhausted purely exhausted working and working and not seeing my children grow up. And I cannot get help either from government they cannot help because we earn apparently too much. So we are stuck in a pickle and no way out and our debt increasing so we can eat each month.

Imo your dd will never forgive you...
Just saying..

You already had one child and then you choose to have another and your planning on moving to another country. I don’t think you are making the right the choice. Your baby will only be on formula for 6 more months, nappies for a year and a half. You will probably qualify for funded childcare hours soon. I suggest you look at other ways to improve your finances first.

Why would a child or her other parents be happy with you getting all holidays while they have to do the day to day difficult but?

Could you not just move to an area of the country that is cheaper to live?

I work in a city in the midlands and you'd be surprised how many Londoners are moving there, I even work with a few.

So you want him to do all of the graft. The school runs, the commuting and then you get all the fun and spontaneous school holidays?

You should ask MNHQ to move this to AIBU OP. You might get a few more replies.

Only joking, if this goes on AIBU the replies on here will seem polite.

Much better to get it moved to _chat. You should get a few more replies in there

As your daughter gets older she will want to spend half terms and weekends with her friends and will be less interested in trekking through airports to see you.

How would you plan to fly her back and forth? Will you really still be better off after factoring in her travel costs? Will you still be able to pay the same amount of child maintenance for her to your ex? Will your ex be willing to take her to the airport on a regular basis? Are there flights available that will fit with his working arrangements/school?

I think you would get half the holidays (my friend and her ex live at opposite ends of the country, her son lives with her and her ex gets half the holidays, half the summer holiday each, one week at Christmas/New Year each, one week at Easter each and alternate half terms). Your ex is entitled to spend the holidays with his daughter too. Why does she live with him and not you?

Italy can be poorly paid and hard to get jobs. Also depends on the area you are thinking of moving, cost of living can be quite high. Fabulous holidays alright! Look into that before jumping.
If you move you may be saying goodbye to your daughter for good, depending on her age she might find it extremely hard to forgive.
Why not move from London to somewhere that has a lower cost of living like Suffolk or something where your daughter is easily accessible by train and you can still see her weekends.
Who would pay for her flights?

Could you really leave your daughter to go live in another country? I’m not sure she could ever understand your reason to leave her behind. You may face years of resentment. Your daughter may decide she doesn’t want to go abroad at all. What are the reasons she doesn’t live you as mum? Slightly unusual .. and leaving the country will not do you any favours if it comes to future access issues.

Can you not consider moving to a cheaper part of the UK that would give you a better life? London is horribly expensive. The most expensive place you could possibly live in the UK. If you are not tied to a specific location, why not move to the coast, countryside or a different city? I couldn’t afford to live in London either but I have a very comfortable life in Yorkshire 🤷🏼‍♀️

Do you speak Italian? Would you get work?
You're not married - what would your status in Italy be? What happens if your current partner leaves you? And your son has an Italian passport, with Italy as his established place of residence.
Not to mention that you'd be walking out on your daughter.
How are you both working 70 hours a week and having nothing left? You need to move to a cheaper area and budget better, and I don't mean that unkindly. I agree that living like that is awful and you need to make changes, but I don't think that running away to Italy will change that. It'll just add another set of problems.

You'd give up seeing your DD every week so you could move to Italy, for honestly, most likely a tougher existence

What do you really know about the economy there OP?

Seriously, your poor DD

Are you married OP? If you’re not, you might not be able to stay after 31st December and I’m not too sure if marriage would allow you to live and work there after that date (remember that vote where we were in favour of stopping things like that?)

There some more information on the Government’s website.

If it were me, I’d be looking up if I could live there, if I could work there and what would be the chances of bringing my baby back to the U.K. if we were to split up.

Do you speak fluent Italian OP? How likely is it that you will find work?

This just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. If you split up with your boyfriend or just want to come back to the uk you will be screwed.

Even if your Italian is fluent you may struggle to get a job as you will be foreign.

Your older child won’t want to spend her holidays with you and miss out on other stuff as she gets older.

I very much doubt that your ex will allow your DD to travel to Italy every 6 weeks, and spend six weeks in the summer out there. He may not eve allow her to go at all, which would mean you'd have to come back here to see her. I wouldn't blame him.
You're living in a fantasy land OP and your DD will never forgive you.

Agree with what PPs have said. Most importantly I think your relationship with your older child would be wrecked.

Nappies and baby milk cost about 3 times as much here in Italy as they do in the UK. 10 paracetamol will knock you back about £5. We have the highest electricity bills in Europe. I'm in the boondocks and pay 500 rent for a small 2 bedroom flat. Building maintenance bills up that by another 50 a month and utilities by another 200-300.

What jobs will you both do? Where will you live? Do you speak Italian?

Obviously your being British isn't going to be much use after the end of this year as you are unlikely to be given permission to live/work here unless you're married/bringing your own income with you.

There are little or no benefits to speak of. Your Italian partner might pick up an assegno familiare (about 80 euro X month x child) but that's presuming he's employed on a permanent contract.

Could you not simply move out of London? Quality of life can be so much higher, air is cleaner, less crime, less stress, an apartment is a fraction of the price. Plenty of work. And there are fast trains so you could still see your daughter.

Moving to Italy risks losing her. And if you aren’t married, you could lose your son too.

Like others suggested I would firstly look at somewhere cheaper to live in the uk where you could maintain contact, otherwise be prepared to live with potentially ruining the relationship you have with your dd forever.

We've just moved from London out to somewhere (2hrs away) far cheaper and less hectic. It's made a massive (positive ) change financially and mental- health wise.

Could you move within the uk?

Would you be entitled to free healthcare after 31 Dec 2020 and how who the move affect both of you pensions?

Not much healthcare in Italy is free. Dentists are almost universally private (your child needs a brace? Two grand) DD just had new glasses- £400.
Mammogram? Got to pay your "ticket".
If you're thinking of more children- you can get free checkups but then there is no continuity of care, you see whichever gynae is working. Nobody I know has not had a private gynaecologist for that reason. Your smear test will cost.

I work for 2 months of the year in Kent and spend those 2 months marvelling at how cheap and easy life is in the south east of the UK cf the south east of Italy where I am now.

The tomatoes are cheaper.

The tomatoes are cheaper.

Perhaps the OP is planning to live off a diet of tomatoes then?