How much time does your husband/ partner spend with their children daily?

[Londonmummy00]

10 years ago when I met my husband he had set up a new business that was going really well. He had employed enough people by then to allow to work from home one day a week. Fast forward to now, and he has multiple businesses which means more headache, time away from home and overall stress. However the businesses are thriving and he is employing many people. The one day a week home day has long gone. We also have 2 children now both at school and all the added financial stresses we didn’t when we met (ivf, private schooling, activities for the children/ music lessons etc etc etc)

We have a great overall life but my husband is not home much. Monday to Friday he’s mostly away, he is home some nights but it’s usually when the kids are already in bed, so they don’t see him. The following morning he’s usually got his first morning meeting early so either doesn’t see the kids or sees them for a quick 5-10 min. I am a SAHM which I’m happy with- my husband works hard, I’m home to do the day to day running of life of 2 young children at school. He does the school drop off sometimes 1-2 times per week. He always makes sure he’s home Friday night by 6pm so we all have dinner together and a late fun night. Weekends he’s really tired but other than having a babysitter to go out alone for an early dinner/ lunch once a weekend we are solely with the kids. He makes the effort to get up early to take our son to football/ do homework with him/ take him to ‘boys activities’ with his mates like go karting. Our son is 7. We also have a little girl of 4. They do less 1:1 activities but he loves to do all the rough and tumble / tickling/ reading to her.
However, my son who is 7 always had some sensory difficulties starting at nursery. He’s now 7 and his behaviour is very mixed- he has a lot of meltdowns and issues at school. We have seen a few specialists, as well as had a quite a few meetings with his teacher, who all think it’s a ‘phase’ which he will grow out of and not a concern. My husband is usually away/ abroad etc when weve had these meetings and couldn’t attend (they are usually in the middle of the day) however where possible he has come and has also called the school teacher on the phone and talked to her when unable to attend a parents meeting. Of course my husband and I are very worried about our son. My daughter has no issues at all.

But now my mother in law is commenting that my husband is working too much, ‘never home with the kids and probably just sleeps all weekend ’, should make time with his son a priority not work. She asked patronising questions continuously throughout my last phone call with her, that we are both not doing enough for our son and that is why he has issues! This I find absurd and yet more comments to add to all the past ones she’s made to me since we had kids. Also commented that the few hours we leave them to go for lunch together would be better spent with the kids- I’m sorry for looking after my marriage I should have said!

I am very dedicated to our children all week and spend a lot of time with both children 1:1, especially with my son as he does more activities than my daughter, has more homework, play dates etc. She has only just started reception so this is all coming but her life is not yet as busy as his. I manage their days, fresh home cooked dinners and all of that!

There have been SOME weeks where my husband hasn’t seen the kids all week. They are rare but it does happen. However if he’s abroad they can’t be helped and those weeks I make sure I keep the kids busy, happy and of course daddy rings and face times and we send lots of photos throughout our days! He has had to leave late Sunday night before and come back Friday afternoon. But it’s still rare and certainly not the norm.

Can everyone share how much time your husband/ partner has with their kids during the week or even weekends?

Thank you!

30 mins in the morning with 3 yr old and baby. Home by 5 for dinner, baths then both at 6 and put the big one to bed. Around most of the weekend. Every few months he works away for the week or weekend.

From your post I’m wondering if your son is doing too much and needs more time at home to just chill.

Yes your probably right and too many activities are tiring on us both ... he does 3 a week- I can easily get rid of one (at least)

1 hour in the morning, usually does morning bottle and sometimes breakfast, 1.5 hours in the evening, he does bottle, bath and bed.
Usually most of the weekend, he goes out once every couple of months on a Saturday, we visit family usually on a Sunday. He sees him as much as he can and would love to see him more but for work.

I think the key things is how you, your children and your husband feel about the situation and whether you feel supported.
He sounds an engaged father, lots of dads on here are around loads but might as well not be!

Kids 2 and 4. I’m a sahm. Most week days DH sees the kids for 30 min to 1hour in the morning and then the same in the evening. One night a week he doesn’t see them at all. Probably one morning a week he has an early meeting.

He’s pretty hands on with them on a weekend though and he does baths and bedtime stories whenever he can

He does morning routine before work so half an hour and then does bath and bedtime in the evening. So what time DH is home and DC is awake is mainly spent with DH

Takes older child to school every morning before work, finishes at 5. We all have dinner together, tidy together and then he'll read, play or just Potter about the house until he helps with bedtime routine.

Dh has a business and in the process of buying another. He does everything from when dc wake up in the morning until they get in their baths at night 3 days a week while I work long days (they’re in school/nursery during the day). Then i do the same the other 2 days. Then he’s off as normal at the weekend. He does everything I do on the weekends. We both get days away with friends here and there.

For us, dh working for himself means we have a lot of flexibility. He doesn’t have an permanent employees (as it’s a creative field and he sort of the only one who can do most of it). So there’s no one to delegate to, but his business partner can pick up admin tasks as necessary and he can be quite firm about setting realistic deadlines with clients so he doesn’t have to work unsociable hours. Our approach though has always been what’s the point working for yourself if it’s more miserable than working for someone else. So quality of life is really important.

During the week he gets them up and dressed at 7am and leaves for work at the same time we go to school so 8.30am.
After work he often takes one to a club or activity, he sometimes goes to a club with them as the parent helper. He usually reads them a story and puts them to bed.

At the weekend he has a lie-in til 9/10am one morning but other than that spends the weekend with the kids. He takes them to swimming lessons on a Saturday and we often go out for brunch/lunch as a family one day.

We both work full time.

1 hour in the morning for me. DP gets up a little later so doesn't spend time with him in the morning, but he does do all pick ups and drop offs.

Then we have an hour and a half in the evenings

Family time is for the weekend but the amount of time will vary depending on if we have any plans, but it's usually at least a full day each with DS

Not enough