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New baby plus relocation - how to support my toddler

2 replies

MunsteadWood · 05/02/2020 09:21

DS is nearly 2.5 and I had DD just last week. We spent a lot of time talking about the baby while I was pregnant, reading books together etc to help DS prepare but I think it's still been a shock for him. In general he's been lovely with the baby but we've also had some trouble behaviour, power struggles etc and tantrums over little changes which I guess are indicative of the much bigger change which has just taken place (eg DD's arrival). I'm inevitably now wracked with guilt about upsetting his little world so entirely and not sure best how to reassure him. I think what he's particularly struggled with is the change of routine as my recovery from the birth has meant DH (who has been brilliant) has ended up taking over parts of his daily routine which would previously have been done by me (picking up from nursery, bath time etc).

I guess he'll just need time to adjust and lots of love and reassurance but we're now also faced with the prospect of moving house, possibly as soon as the next few weeks. This has been on the cards for months (we want to relocate for better schools etc plus need more space now baby is here) but has been protracted and precarious and dragged on far longer than we originally planned (we'd hoped to move back in the autumn). We still want to go ahead with it if we can but I'm now seriously worrying about how we help him adjust - this will mean new town, new house, new nursery, all in the same month as his new baby sister. We talked a lot to him about the house move when we first started looking and he came to all the viewings, knows the new town reasonably well, has a favourite aunty who lives there, but given how long it's dragged on for and the uncertainty I don't feel we've prepared him for it in the same way we prepared him for the arrival of his sister.

The move may still not go ahead but... if it does... do any wise MNers have tips for how to help him prepare and adjust? He (and now DD too) are our absolute world and in many ways this move is happening with his best interests in mind, it's just such terrible timing that it's ended up so close to arrival of new baby. He's not really at an age yet where he's able to articulate his feelings (and certainly not the reasons behind them) so I'm struggling to know how best to support him. Post birth hormones not helping either!!!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MunsteadWood · 05/02/2020 16:39

Hopeful bump for this...

OP posts:
Callisto1 · 05/02/2020 20:51

We relocated when our DC was 2.5 and honestly the adjustment didn't take very long. She would come to our bed for the first week or so and then seemed fine in her new environment. I think if you can spend lots of time together as a family after the move and maybe delay new nursery for a few weeks it will probably not cause that much upset.

I am also not sure if at that age they really "get" relocation as the main thing in their life will be the people they're close to. So it's good to explain what is happening in a simple way but you probably don't want to do it more than a week before you move as it will just confuse them. Toddlers only do NOW!!! Wink

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