Getting baby into a bedtime routine

[Heartburn888]

My little one is about 9 weeks old now and I’m starting to think about getting him into a bedtime routine.

Tonight is the second night and it’s going pear shaped already. I’m sat looking at him on the monitor and he’s wide awake - he may as well shout down the stairs mummy come and get me coz I’m not going to sleep yet!

Last night he fell asleep in my arms on the sofa at about half 6 and I carried him up to his cot and he slept until about 10.30 when he woke for a feed. He went back down okay but wasn’t falling into a deep sleep I can only put this down to how windy it was last night by me as it was making a racket in his bedroom against the window.

Tonight I have bathed him and again let him fall asleep in my arms and carried him to his cot at the same time and he slept until about 7.30. He was starting to get a bit distressed ( I was watching him on the monitor) so I went up and stroked his head and spoke to him in a soft voice to get him back off but he was wriggling and was making noises as if he was going to start crying so rather than let him get worked up and wake up fully I picked him up and give him some cuddles. He felt like he was getting heavier so I thought he was drifting back off so I put him back down but no he was wide awake so thought sod it I’ll go downstairs with him as he was due a feed at about 9. He fell asleep on me until 8ish and was quite whingy so I give him his bottle early.

We had a cuddle and I’ve taken him back up as he was doing his tired eyes.

Since I’ve started writing this he has started drifting off but has lost his dummy out of his mouth so looks to be awake again

Does anyone have any tips for me or dos and donts? Should I bolt up the stairs and give him his dummy? Or should I leave him to drift off without? Any advice is much appreciated - I think I have included everything and sorry if not and it’s a drip feed ha the lighting in his room is quite dim I have the bathroom light on with the door cracked open so it’s not bright at all but just enough for me to see his face.

He is in his own cot in his bedroom and my reasoning for this is that he doesn’t seem to settle well in the Moses and likes to stretch his arms out when asleep but can’t do this in the Moses. Some may say it’s too soon but I can only do what I think is best for him and I want to trail him in his big cot.

I know it’s only day 2 so he’s still adjusting but any tips or advice from experienced parents?

Anyone?

Its advised to keep them in the same room until 6 months to help prevent SIDs. 9 weeks is a bit young for a routine too

Just keep doing it. It takes weeks for them to get it. I started on routine from day one. Bath, story (yes even to newborn but I often made something up), feed then in cot before while sleepy if possible. Then lights off leave the room. If he woke I'd go back, check nappy etc then just talk quietly and give him a reassuring stroke (did not lift him out unless really bawling). Repeat repeat repeat. Then I'd gently wake him for a feed at 11, then in early days he'd wake for a feed around 3am, then up at 6. I think he got it really at about three months and by then had dropped the 3am feed and slept from the sleepy feed at 11 till morning. My daughter had reflux and was much more of a crier and there was a few frustrating nights, but even she got it by three months. I never had them sleep in my room (at that time it wasn't the 11th commandment it appears to be now).

Have you tried white noise? This worked wonders for us!
If he isn’t crying I wouldn’t go up I would just leave him to drift off himself, but obviously if he is distressed go up and comfort him.
I would just keep trying with the routine, it will probably work sometimes and other times not, but finally things will all fall into place if you keep things the same every night

Honestly? 9 weeks is tiny, I wouldn't be expecting him to fall asleep on his own.
Keep the routine before sleep consistent and the self soothing comes much, much later. Right now he needs you and I wouldn't be leaving him on his own.
SIDS guidelines are all sleeps in the same room as you until 6 months, will the cot fit in your room?

At 9 weeks old babies don’t actually produce enough melatonin for their brains to be able to tell the difference from night and day, so it’s too early to start expecting that of them.. enjoy the tiny baby cuddles for a while yet! Can you not move the cot into your own room? There is lots of scientific evidence saying that babies who sleep on their own at such a young age are more at risk of Sudden Infant Death syndrome.

I have a 6/7 week old and we don't have a routine so much. I don't think you can have a strict routine yet really.

But at night once she's in bed upstairs (we have a bedside crib we bought second hand -worth it. It's lights off and quiet time. I might lay down and just look at her and talk sixth. Or yawn at her. Often she's quite sleepy quickly but tonight she's a bit more awake so read a book. She'll be wanting feeding soon probabky though. So once, lights Shireen, very quiet.

She sleeps well at night. I wouldn't call it a routine for her, now a routine for us.

We put Ollie owl on too. That sends to help. Just these little things that effectually i hope she'll associate with going to sleep.

If she is grizzling might give her a cuddle but also use the dummy. But only if grizzling.

Good i hate these l this phone. I thought i corrected those typos.

Argh

Mine was (bf babies) - up at six. Feed them dim lights in room and lay out bed clothes. Bath. Then into bedtime clothes and feed sa much as you can get in and into bed. No napping past about 4.30/5 (though yours is still young and catnappy). Then into bed and all feeding settling done after this point to be upstairs in dim lighting. Be rigid about this for 2-4 weeks and it will most probably stick and work.

However loads of people are happy to let baby hang out with them downstairs. And report baby naturally moves into a bedtime routine by 6 months. Others are more relaxed than that.

However, my first was high needs and was distressed to wake up in the early evening to lights and tv on. So I had to settle them in a quiet and dark room. I never chanced it with my next 2 and just did the routine with them, even though my middle one was a very settled baby and would have been fine downstairs.

They all slept well by 6ms and were happy to go to bed and I never had musical beds. Again, some people are fine with co-sleeping.

@pipandmum

I wanted to do this but my partner advised against for the sids reasons and if anything happened I wouldn’t forgive myself but I had fallen into the habit of having him sleep in bed with me (safely, had advice from my hv too) but now I feel he’s ready to be in his cot in his own bedroom.

@Cindyloo20

I did shoot you and give him his dummy back and he’s fallen asleep now but the camera has turned ever so slightly so I can’t see his eyes but I think he’s still asleep. I had a tough time with sleep when he was newborn and I don’t think I have helped matters sharing a bed and what not but I hope he trusts me enough from cosleeping to go into his own cot and feel safe and secure. But we both need a routine and hopefully this will be the start of longer sleeps between feeds!

9 weeks is tiny OP. And way to young to sleep in a different room. Our breathing is what helps them regulate their breathing when they are so tiny. Read about the 4th trimester if you haven't.

While not having your evenings might be a pain, your baby needs you. Mine is just 8 months and started being sleepier far earlier so now does bed at 7/8pm. Before that it was never before 10pm. That's just babies.

9 weeks in their own room? Will you be with them?

What’s the rest of your day like, do you have any kind of routine yet?

It’s not a case of I don’t have my evenings.

I’m not being selfish for wanting to try a routine for him

Morning he will have a bottle 7/8am we will have a cuddle and he may or may not go back to sleep quickly in bed, if not we will get up but he will almost certainly go back to sleep by 9am for a couple of hours.

I’ll feed again by 11/12am (he goes four hours or there about between feeds) he will stay awake for a bit and have a play either on his mat or with me and will eventually doze off but for a shorter nap this time.

Feed again about 4 or 5 or maybe before then if he’s really hungry and he will stay awake till 6ish and then start falling asleep and the rest I’ve written in my op.

Try it by all means, just don't be frustrated when they dont comply. I couldn't have moved my kids out my room before 6 months just in case something happened.

He’s too young to be in his own room. SIDS advice is 6 months. Your breathing regulates theirs.

Honestly, 9 weeks is way too early. DS was still with us in the sitting room at that age and we'd take him to bed whenever we went. He's nearly 6 months now and we've only just started putting him down a couple of hours earlier (~ 9pm) and just checking on him frequently but he's still sleeping in our room. We've tried once or twice to bring forward his bedtime but it doesn't work for him and he's wide awake from 6pm - 9pm so we just go with it. I don't really get why people impose routines on babies if it doesn't work for either the baby or the parent.

It's a higher SIDs risk, especially as he's formula fed and 8-10 weeks is the highest incidence. He's too young to know night from day.
I have an 8 week old and accept he's too young for a routine.

You can do bath feed and a book absolutely no harm in starting a routine but I completely agree with pp that baby should be in your room not his own until 6 months. You are more likely to hear if he's in distress and it's safer.

OP if you feel like you want to try a routine then don't be discouraged by what some PPs have said - we had one from 5 weeks and it worked almost instantly and months on our baby is a wonderful sleeper bar a few disrupted nights for illness/leaps etc. We did keep him in our room until 5.5m because of SIDS risks and it wasn't interfering with anyone's sleep but recently it has been so he's now in his own room and sleeping really well

Just pick a flexible routine that works for you both, it might be a process of trial and error and you'll know pretty quickly if it's working for baby. There are some good books about and some apps too for inspiration and information. I found these very helpful and felt well informed to combine some of the suggested routines to make one that worked for us. It's worth remembering that they need adapting fairly continuously in the early months to stay in line with their development stages (ie less daytime sleep etc)

Remember there is nothing wrong with wanting a bit of structure to your day and night and I know from experience my baby is much happier for it

I have only started a proper routine for my DD a few weeks ago at about 14 weeks but I do think it can be done earlier.

Start by noting down everytime she sleeps/wakes/feeds naturally. This will give you a rough idea of how much baby is sleeping and when. Then you can start putting baby down for naps at regular times each day and having a clear "bed time".

I feed DD around 10 minutes before putting her down for bed and prepare an extra ounce. On the days she drinks the full feed I've noticed she definitely sleeps longer.

Mine now sleeps from 12 to around 8. Before I started it would be from about 2-7.30ish.

I also used to cosleep in my bed (not planned but it was convenient) but I bought the next2me and she actually sleeps better.

I agree it's safer to have her in your room and will probably help you sleep better/not worry.

My Lo is 3 months and has a routine but isn't put down for the night until 10pm when she has her last feed and we go to bed. When she is older I will move it forward

It's really important that they stay in your room until 6 months. All research has shown this significantly reduces the risk of SIDS.

At that age all sleeps next to be in a room with an adult. To be blunt it’s your choice to decide not to but your increasing the risk of him dying from SIDS by him to sleep in a room by himself. SIDS risk doesn’t decrease to adult levels until they are 18 months old which is why some sources recommend longer than 6 months.