Newborn - not sleeping anywhere other than in our arms!

[E899]

My little one is only 8 days old so very early days but he just won’t sleep unless it’s in our arms. This means I’m having no sleep at night as he will feed every 2-3 hours and then we try put him in his crib and he will stir and cry. We have tried swaddling, hot water bottle to warm the crib, Ewan the dream sheep, spraying my smell around and putting him in there when awake, when he’s half asleep and when he’s fast asleep. Nothing is working!

We have a sleeping nest but we’ve been told it’s not safe for him to sleep in it overnight. I ideally don’t want to go down the co-sleeping option if can help it.

I just wondered if anyone had any tips or anything that’s worked for them? We have a mama and papas ocarro and I’m not sure if he can sleep in the carrycot overnight as he does fall asleep in this after a walk.

Thanks in advance!

What have you got currently for him to sleep in? My son was just like this and we ended up buying a Next to Me Crib, it attaches to the bed - complete game changer!

My DD slept in a tiny Moses basket at first - being little seemed to make her more secure. She refused to go in the next to me at first but now (6 weeks) she's fine there.

We have the occaro and I'm sure it's suitable for night sleeps. A few times I brought the carry cot up to our room after he fell asleep being pushed around the hallway in the middle of the night.

A freshly used breast pad that smells of your milk placed as close to baby but as safe a possible.

It's the only thing that worked for DC

We have the next to me crib, I think he doesn’t like how spacious it is at the moment, although saying that when we try and put him in his pod in the day, he cries too. We have tried a Moses basket too and he’s the same. I have heard of people getting their baby off to sleep on a pillow and then transferring the pillow into the crib but I’m worried as this isn’t really a firm flat surface. Any thoughts on this?

Will definitely try the breast pad trick! Think will try the carrycot tonight too - I ideally want him in his crib but I need a good night sleep to refresh myself!

Unfortunately it's quite normal. He's so so tiny, all he knows is your voices, your heart beat and now your smell. You need to take it in shifts with your partner and if you have any lovely willing family/friends who would come and cuddle him while you catch up on sleep, then do it! These first few weeks aren't know for being easy. Give it a couple more weeks and you may find he settles easier in one of the options you've already tried.

We had a sleepyhead for dd1, the guidance said they were ok for night time sleeping then. Now they aren't recommended for overnight sleeping. But it might help you to get him to sleep during the day while you nap.

You just need to survive these weeks, it doesn't feel like it at the time but it goes so fast, it won't last long.

We had this with DD. Do you have a partner who can share the night shift? We took 3 hour shifts overnight. Literally just sat up watching Netflix and holding baby. We'd start at 7pm and had two shifts each until 7am, with a nappy change and feed between shifts. It was hard but we got 6 hours sleep each which was enough to survive on. After about 3 weeks, we could start putting her in her basket downstairs and sleeping on the sofa next to her during our shift.

Thank you all so much for the advice. Comforting to know it gets easier! We have been taken it in turns some nights but sometimes he only settles on me and stirs if move him to my partner after a feed. Will definitely try the Netflix tip!

We used a sleepyhead for overnight sleeping and he always settled well in it. Even though lullaby says not for overnight sleeping (not enough tests have been carried out in the uk) but in Sweden where they are manufactured, they have been approved. We also used a love to dream swaddle to help him feel snug. Good luck and it definitely gets easier x

Definitely get a Love To Dream swaddle. This was the only way our DS would go down independently.

Oh you poor thing I bet you’re knackered. Our LO was the exact same and I remember feeling like it would never end. It really does! We have a 16wk old now who happily sleeps in her cot 11-7am!

The midwife who discharged us told us under no circumstances were we to use a sleepyhead or anything similar as they are apparently banned in the US and really dangerous so, naturally as new parents we s**t ourselves and never used anything in LO’s next to me crib. She hates having so much space (naturally... she had been squished up all snug in my tummy for 9months!) so, we used to put her in her pram/bassinet to begin with and she was much happier in there. We tried our hardest not to fall asleep with her on our chests but honestly, it happened a lot. However, please do try not to. I remember one night I picked her up and put her on my chest at about 3am and woke up at 6am. She had rolled onto the bed next to me and was face down. I can’t tell you how scary it was to roll her over and check her breathing. After that I made sure if I were to pick her up in the night I took myself downstairs and put the telly on or even just stood up!

Now that DD is older and has better head control, we put her on her side with a couple of rolled up towels on either side of her but no higher than under her arms. This is a tip I learned from a book by Lisa Clegg called The Blissful Baby Expert. She does this with newborns however it is important to note that she advises this is against the recommendations of the lullaby trust! I personally wouldn’t risk it when they are brand new. The book is worth a read. DD woke every 2 hours until I read it and started to implement some of the tips. Wish I read it before she was born!

Trying to think what else we did...

Wore a T-shirt for 24 hours then put it over mattress.

Ewan the sheep still goes on every night

Babies HATE silence so we team Ewan and play white noise on loop all night on Alexa as Ewan only plays for 20 mins but I’m sure our DD loves the heartbeat sound for feeling like she’s still laid on us!

In next to me cot, DD would fall asleep if we held her hand. Easy to do when you’re knackered and baby is safe in her own space!

In all honesty I spent a lot of nights downstairs surrounded by drinks and snacks watching telly and I just slept when baby slept during the day. DP would come home from work and I would go to sleep for a few hours to recharge and he would stay up a bit later with DD. It was crap and I was so tired and missed spending time with DP but I feel like we’re coming out of the other side now. Having a routine is great but apparently pointless until about 12 weeks as babies don’t make habits before then. We bath at 5:30, bottle at 6-6:30 then bed at 7ish every night then wake for a feed at 11. I know you feel a long way off and so probably wonder why I’m telling you that but I’m only 8 short weeks ahead of you. It flies by, I promise!

Good luck x

Never heard of dream swaddle - will be ordering one tonight! Thank you for the recommendation.

I had a terrible sleeper, and looking back I think she was cold! I was so anxious about her overheating that I didn't have her warm enough. Just a thought but also make sure they're not too hot! It's a minefield!

Sorry just realised you said 8 days not 8 weeks! Still, it gets massively better week by week. Look up 4th trimester as this is totally normal. Baby still thinks they are tucked up in your tummy.

Another tip I just thought of it to try a grobag as it keeps them warm and my DD hated being swaddled. X

We had exactly the same, it's so so hard- I feel for you! That said i promise it gets so much easier (mine is 12 weeks now). For us the most helpful things were a dummy and one bottle of formula mill at bed time. Also, I 'banked' sleep earlier in the day to give me a head start on sleep hours. For example every evening I'd go to bed at about 8pm so I could get a few hours sleep before baby was brought through to me.
Good luck and hang in there

Thanks for all the advice!

Yeah only 8 days so still very early days - 11-7 sleep sounds a dream!! That’s it, I keep reading so much on safe sleeping and there’s so many different views. He’s slept on me in the day and I’ve found it so hard to stay awake sometimes that there have been a couple of instances where I’ve dozed for 10 mins and woke up in such a fright. Now if I’m feeling tired when I’m holding him I make sure I get up and walk around.

We have done that a couple of nights where OH has slept most of the night and I’ve had naps in the day but it is hard like you say as you don’t spend time together then. But definitely is an option if needs to be done.

So after listening to all of your advice, we decided to try changing his blanket to a fleece one instead of a cellular one (which did worry me as I’ve read cellular ones are best incase he manages to kick it over his face), wrapped my top at the top of the mattress so it was way above his head but still there to carry my smell, gave him a feed and let him sleep on my for 10 mins before transferring him into the crib, Ewan on, and then held his hand and put my hand on his stomach. Now this all may be a fluke and never happen again but he slept for 5 hours in his crib!!! Mommy didn’t sleep for that long as she was constantly watching him but I am so happy!

Thank you all!

Yay! Well done! Hope it continues x

I'm going to have to try that. My five week old won't stay asleep in her Moses basket for more than an hour at night. And that's just the first hour - any time after has to be on either myself or papa. Although I love cuddling her, I am terrified of her rolling off onto the mattress 😬

We took my top away yesterday as the HV cane round and we forgot to put it back in and he slept for 6 hours, between feeds! I think he may have been a little cold but my smell is definitely on the mattress now so maybe a mix! I know there’s going to be bad nights but just so happy that we know he can sleep in there!

You could also cuddle the bottom sheet or stuff it down your top for a bit, before putting it back on the mattress.