How to stop constant tantrums.

[Lafoosa]

Hi all.

I'm not sure what to do, my toddler (20mo) just tantrums all day everyday. She has the loudest most piercing cry and it's really starting to do my head in.
I can't even comfort her because if I try and give her cuddles she gets angry, hits me or runs away and gets more angry.
This isn't a new "terrible twos" thing, she's been this way since she was 9 months old and is just getting worse. I don't know what to do, she's becoming very difficult to be around because I just want to scream when it's all day everyday of none stop tantrums from her, she'll have a tantrum if I try reading to her, if we go outside and don't let her play on the streets, if I eat my own food, if I try and get her to eat any food, if I play with her. Absolutely everything sets her off. She also doesn't talk at all, doesn't listen to anything I say and doesn't play independently.

What do I do to stop her constant tantrums? It's making me depressed having to deal with screaming all day everyday without a second break.

What does your HV/GP say? With the constant screaming and no communication, you might find that there's something else going on that you can get some extra help with.

Speak to HV or GP but in the meantime, try distraction techniques. As soon as she starts wailing, pass her some treat food or an interesting little toy - keep a stash of small curious items that you only bring out when she tantrums and rotate them so they're always interesting to her.

They've not said anything yet, they're due to come here in 4 days because I've asked them to do an ASD assesment then get the doctor to refer to a pediatrician if they think that's what it is. I am also going to be going to the doctor to ask about glue ear and get them to check for it.
But she doesn't seem like she's in pain and the screaming is definitely tantrum screaming. She is nothing like this with her dad or anyone else, it's only if I am there. As soon as I'm not there she's fine, but I don't know why she is like that around just me.

Hi Op I would suggest if you haven't already speaking to your HV or GP to see if there's anything that they can suggest especially with no speech.

My DS is almost 3yrs old and we are currently going through speech and language therapy as well as some other help.
Slightly different in that he was an easy going baby but when he was 15 months we use to have the melt downs and tantrums they've started to ease off now and are more controllable to deal with quickly

It's hard going when they get like that but it could just be because she's not able to communicate with you that's her only way sorry I can't offer any more help or advice but defiantly speak to HV

There's so many thigs it could be that Id see your HV and explain they really dk need to help.

There could be a physical cause - some discomfort or allergy to something.

Could be something behaviour or a special need the hv can investigate with you. Some children are easily overwhelmed or have sensory issues. And a referal can help.

When is she not crying? Are there things you know trigger it or things you know will stop it?

There is alsos the cry-sis charity which will lend an listening ear when youve had enough and "get it."

Also try the childrens centre. Sometimes they have support workers who can get to jnow your child and help work it out and/or support uou while dealing with an unhappy child.

Asd assesments very rarely get far when they're that young in my experience (as a parent. I dont actually know the system well enough) but you can google what helps with meltdowns and try and appply the advice ti see if it works...

Most likely because she's frustrated at not being able to vocalise what she wants or needs. We had a nearly two year old foster child who came to us with the same sort of behaviour. Once we started to teach her communication skills the tantrums teetered off and she has just moved on to a lovely family and is the most loveliest little girl you've ever met! Ask hv for a speech and language referral and if possible socialise her as much as possible as this helps them learn how to communicate xx

@SquashedFlyBiscuit
We've had her ears looked in by the doctor and they said there's no sign of infection, but obviously that doesn't rule out other hearing problems, but I don't think that's it. Health visitor is coming over on the 7th.

Me not giving her breastmilk triggers it, but I'm trying to wean, so just letting her have it isn't going to work.
Other than that it just seems to somehow be me that triggers it, as it's whenever I am there. If my OH has her and I'm not in the room then she's fine, or if my parents take her out somewhere for the day then she's fine. She only acts this way for me.

I don't know if it's because I've cut her back on breastmilk or something, but it's a nightmare. I have her alone for 4 days and nights without help and it's living hell. Even just by the second day I'm so burnt out and exhausted from her screaming at me constantly.
I don't think it is the weaning because she was like this with me even before she started weaning.