Advice on having baby 2 with no family support around us

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We have an 18 month old and I really want a second baby but we don’t live near either of our families (no option to move closer). I have friends and family who have 2 children and all they seem to say is how they couldn’t do without family to help. (We are opposite ends of the country)

It’s really bothering me as we really struggled with the first year of our baby because we don’t have any options for help whatsoever.

I wanted some real life advice and I suppose tips from anyone in our situation who has 2 children on how you made it work without losing your mind and struggling too much to cope (my fear)??

I put the older one in nursery an extra day when DC2 came along, so there was less time I had them both together. Then went back to work pt at five months. Costly, but outsourced the problem.

I was similar to Grobags, in that I was widowed with two DC still in nappies (16 month age gap).
Nearest family were 250 miles away and worked full time, so couldn’t help. I raised them to adulthood completely alone. It’s perfectly doable, just exhausting.
A few tips:

1. I’d recommend a playpen to keep them safely separate when you need the loo or a shower.
2. Get the toddler into the habit of having story time beside you on the sofa while you’re feeding the baby, so they don’t feel left out or bored.
3. Invest in a set of reins. Otherwise you face the delights of the toddler running off while you’re out with the pram- do you abandon the baby and chase the toddler, or let the toddler run into traffic?!
4. If you can afford it, put the toddler into nursery or playgroup for a session a week to let you catch up on sleep or chores. Once you’re back at full time work, this is a luxury that will be unobtainable!
5. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Your house doesn’t need to be immaculate as long as it isn’t a health hazard!
6. Have some one-to-one time with your toddler when the baby naps. It helps to stop them getting jealous. Everybody muddles through somehow, OP. Eventually the DC get less demanding and more independent, and you get your life back! Good luck.

We’ve never had any family help. My family doesn’t live in the UK and we don’t live near dh’s family (and anyway were NC with them for many years).

It’s not something I ever considered honestly. They’re our kids, not anyone else’s responsibility to help with. It’s lovely to have close bonds between your dc and extended family, if that’s an option. But I never even thought about them doing something that really we should be doing ourselves.

I think you’ll be fine. Having 2 is really not much different that having 1 if you are both involved parents and sharing the load equally. Dh and I share the school runs so everyday one of us works a long day and the is short day and then it switches. We’ve never used any wraparound care and we both work FT. We also make sure we both get nights out or weekends away with friends while the other keeps things ticking at home.

The thing I would consider is how you can set up flexible working. You’ll need it when they get to school age unless you can afford wraparound care. And I would think about a larger age gap so you don’t have 2 in nursery. There’s 5 years between ours, so only ever had to pay for one in nursery at a time which has been manageable.