Are we making a rod for our own backs?

[tri2mum]

DS is 11weeks old and just won't seem to settle anywhere other than in my or DH arms. Once asleep we do try to put him down in his Moses basket but within minutes he's awake and squirming round. We've tried leaving him to try and self settle but he just ends up screaming so more often than not he gets picked up again. This happens both during the day and through the night. Do we need to keep persevering or does it not matter so much at this point and we still have time to get him in a routine a little later on.

4th trimester, do what you need to

This is totally normal, your baby wants to be with you!
Ds was the same - he is 16 y/o now and sleeps on his own just fine
Seriously, you can’t spoil a little baby!

No, you're not.

You are definitely not making a rod for your own back. Your baby is so young and needs to be close to you. We bed shared with our twins from 3 to 6 months because they refused to sleep in their own bedside cribs. I would research how to bed share safely (google the safe 7) so you can both get some sleep. Bed sharing also makes breastfeeding easier, though you don’t have to be breastfeeding to bed share (we formula fed our twins from 2 weeks old).

Aww the early days are so so tough. I had two clingers and during the day were in a sling the whole time and coslept at night from birth snuggled right up to me. I think babies just love being cuddled up and they both sleep fine now. Just do what you have to do. Well done - you’re doing great, keep going! Xx

Oh and yeh if you are breastfeeding it’s ace as you can just whip a boob out in the night though as pp said you don’t have to be breastfeeding to have the best snuggles. Don’t stress, snuggle that bundle

I hate that phrase and had so many people who don’t have kids say it to me with my dd and made me needlessly worry.

Do what you need to do to survive the first year or two. Like a pp said, they won’t be in your bed at 16! The one thing we did stick to through every regression is a bedtime routine. She’s 2 now but she knows the routine still. But at 11 weeks you don’t need to worry about that!

No! Don’t listen to people who say you are. My parents kept telling me not to let the baby get used to being held. But Babies NEED to be held. It certainly hasn’t done him any harm! In a few weeks they’ll be squirming to be put down.

Thanks for the quick responses, just been a bit exhausting the last few days where it feels like he's just constantly being held. Don't think it helps that sometimes he squirms like an octopus.

Get back sling then you and the baby can get what you want.
When they are tiny they need contact.

I chose to hold DS as much as I did as I suffered with PND and needed the bonding time. Obviously if he was happy, I would leave him, but I didn't stress about it. Hes 16 months old now, sleeps soundly in his cot at night, sleeps on a bed at nursery and on my days off with him he sleeps for 2 hours in my arms. I love it. Definitely not a rod, more of a pleasure. Do what you have to do, it constantly changes anyway!

I held DS1 all the time after he was born. Eventually, after around 3-4 months and trying out various sleeping methods, he slept fine in a co sleeper and as he became more mobile, my arms became mine again soon after!

In terms of rods and backs, I think you have to think about your own preferences; how do you want to parent your child? Take into account your child's temperament because some kids are like velcro, and others detach with ease. We still take turns to co sleep with DS1 because he enjoys it and we don't mind. He's now 3 and is incredibly confident and self assured, but we still have problems trying to get him to sleep because he can't seem to 'switch off' easily. So as well as co sleeping we also had to play white noise, so that once we placed him onto his bed the noise continued to lull him into sleep.

We now have DS2 and it's more of the same, both my boys take ages to get to sleep, even in my arms. But I'm better prepared this time and he is sleeping out of my arms and not on my chest (hooray!) although I do hold him when he's awake because he kicks off very seriously when he's awake and not being held.