DD9 & Tears

[UkSky]

Can anyone help with this. DD is 9 and has always been quite emotional but the crying over every little thing. I am at my wits end over it.

She cries about everything. I ask If she has put her clothes away..... floods of tears. How was netball today ..... floods of tears about playing away. Don't forget to clean your teeth.... more tears.

She also lacks confidence, which we are working on, with school.

I can't get to the bottom of it. She says she is happy and nothing is bothering her.

My DM died last April and they were very close and this has had a huge effect on her. But "I miss nanny" is the reason she gives every time she starts crying, and whilst I absolutely believe she does miss her (they spent a lot of time together), I don't think this is always the reason.

It's usually fairly easy to cheer her up and get her smiling again, but blooming heck it's exhausting and I am finding it hard not to lose patience with her.

She is an only child and very much prefers adult company.

Could it be the onset of puberty, and "just" hormones, although she is not showing any physical signs yet.

I suppose I'm asking if this is typical 9 year old behaviour.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how DH and I can help her get through this?

Is she the same at school? Do they have a counsellor she could speak to?

I think the crying when asked to do stuff is likely manipulative, even if unintentionally so, and probably best ignored... ie "I'm sorry you're upset, but i still need you to do XYZ. Let me know when you've calmed down and are ready to have a chat." And then back off, but don't leave.

Hmm. I don't necessarily think she is deliberately being deliberately manipulative, but I do think she has got herself in a pattern of behaviour, and perhaps by being so gentle and patient with her (you do sound very patient!) you have been inadvertently encouraging her. I'd certainly try being a bit more brisk and matter of fact, and ignoring the tears rather than distracting or comforting her.

If that doesn't work, you could maybe seek counselling. I think something like CBT could work really well if she's just got into a bit of a habit.

Thank you for the advice. DD is seeing a counsellor at school and is also in a friendship group.

I have recently started being a bit more firm when I think she is, as you say, being manipulative. I think you have both hit the nail on the head.

It's good to know that I am not just feeling like a rubbish parent. Will carry on with being firmer. Think I may have to suggest school are more firm with her too.