8 year old behaviour.

[Mummytig]

I am struggling with my 8 year old- she is a nightmare at the minute and we don't know how to deal with her. She is angry and very rude. No underlying conditions as she is fantastic at school. We try taking her activities away or iPad etc but nothing seems to change her. She just gets more angry at losing stuff and doesn't see how her behaviour is the reason. Any advice would be gratefully received as we are struggling. Thanks

Have you tried talking to her when she's calm and saying that you've noticed she's very angry sometimes, and asking if there's anything in particular upsetting her?

This sounds very similar to my nearly 7 year old daughter. I find it difficult to talk to her about it even when she is calm because talking about it sets her off again!

I have found a book called ‘10 days to a less defiant child’ helpful. The main message is be calm, firm and not controlling as a parent. The author also recommends heaping on praise and dialling down punishments. We are still working on it, but I feel there has been an improvement, especially in my mindset in dealing with her.

I am also trying a gratitude journal with her because coupled with the anger she has a tendency to negativity. I do think this has helped too.

I sympathise though, it’s not easy!

Thank you both for replying.

I do try and talk to her when she is calm and she has good understanding but just gets lost in her anger again.

Thanks for the book recommendation I will look in to it as it sounds like you have had some success. I know how I respond has an impact so I am trying to keep as calm as possible.
Thanks again.

Is she like this at school? What do they recommend? Have you tried teaching her techniques like a deep breath, moving away, counting to 10 etc?

I would ignore the anger/behaviour.

Keep calm and don’t file the fire

Stuck to phrases like ‘please don’t shout at me’ ‘we’ll take about this when your calmer’ ‘I’m sorry you’re angry we can talk about it when you’re feeling happier’

What do you talk to her about when she is calm.
Are you trying to find out why she is so angry or are you just telling her off about her behaviour?
My DD used to fly into massive rages at this age but it was usually when she felt stupid and embarrassed and she was angry with herself for being 'inadequate'.
We've had to do a lot of work on her self esteem and provide a lot of reassurance and she is much better now because she isn't feeling ashamed all the time and lashing out.

p.s. It's very hard, the above isn;t meant as a criticism I've had more than my fair share of losing my rag as well.