Dad feeling down about being a parent

[Pantana90]

Hey everyone, I am a dad to a beautiful boy (aged one). I have a history of anxiety and being way too over-analytical but I can usually keep things under reasonable control. But I always question myself.

Lately, and even before this, I find myself asking "do I love my child enough?" The reason I think this is because sometimes if I look at him and don't feel that sense of 'warm fuzzy love' then it gets me really down. Then questioning my feelings for him makes me really guilty, because I should not ever think this about my son.

I have done this same thing in other aspects of my life, like relationships, and it is very frustrating. Most of the time I feel so good about him and be the best dad I can be. But every now and then it's like this thing that grips me and I struggle to shake off the guilt of 'why don't I FEEL love?'

I would do anything and everything for him and I have since the day he was born. Like all parents, there are times when I wish he'd maybe not wake up so much in the middle of the night or stay still when getting his nappy changed, but that's just parenting. Am I idealising what 'love' is? Am I a bad daddy? When I get down over this, I struggle to 'feel'. But when I am fine, then it's all good. Maybe I am placing too much pressure on myself, and just continue looking after him as I always do. That's the advice of my partner (his mum), who says she sees every day how great I am with him.

But I can't help but beat myself up and it affects my sleep because I can't relax. Please does anyone have advice? It'd be greatly appreciated during this tough time.

It sounds like you are putting too much pressure on yourself and holding up an ideal that I doubt very few of us live up to (if any). You sound like a great dad, I'm inclined to perfectionism and then beating myself up for not being perfect, had counciling for it and the message I took away is that it's okay to be "good enough".

Think about whether you consider only positive emotions/feelings are ok, whether you feel like you shouldn't feel anything negative. Remember all feelings are valid whether positive and negative and with having a kid it will be harder to avoid that.
Just embrace the feelings and understand how to get back to normal.
You can get help with this although i have noticed they only really screen the mother routinely.
Just to be clear it's normal to not feel overwhelming love all the time, i feel very annoyed with ours when he won't go to sleep/wants to be held all the time when i have stuff to do/wants to play when I'm tired, being noisy in the night every hour.