My 3 year old DD had always been quite sensitive and teary about being told off. I'm really not a shouty person at all, so any kind of telling off is usually just a firm tone of voice and depending on situation consequence/warning of a consequence. It's really escalated recently, and it's making it difficult to deal with behaviour.
So for example, earlier today we were sat on the sofa and she was playing about and suddenly poked me really hard in the face. I said firmly, "No that was too rough, you really hurt me. Please be gentle with me." I didn't shout - I wasn't even overly stern as I don't really think she meant to hurt me.
Next thing she's half shouting and half crying "I'm really sad. I need a cuddle" on repeat. I said, "You just hurt me. I can't just let you shout at me. Please stop shouting and then we can have a cuddle". I was thinking she'd calm down a bit and stop shouting, then we could have a cuddle and I'd remind her to be gentle. Instead it escalated into a full on tantrum and screaming "I want a cuddle" which ended up lasting about 25 minutes until she eventually calmed down and we had a cuddle and all was fine.
I hate not giving her a cuddle when she wants one - it feels unnatural and definitely prolongs/escalates the upset. I don't want to give her the message it's bad to be sad, and she can't express how she's feeling. But I do feel like she might be playing me a bit to distract from any telling off or consequences as she doesn't do it anywhere near as bad with her dad and doesn't really do it at all at nursery. And I don't want to encourage her misbehaving then shouting at me until I cuddle her.
Similar things happen quite often so I would appreciate any tips!