5 day old - feeling overwhelmed

[ReyGal]

Hi all,
Wondered if I could get some advice as feeling very overwhelmed. I don’t know if this is normal newborn behaviour and wanted to see if anyone could share their experiences?

Baby girl is 5 days old and refuses to sleep except when being held. I’m exclusively breastfeeding and she’ll have a feed then go off to sleep but the minute you try to put her in the crib she wakes and screams. This is only in the day time - nighttime she constantly feeds and then won’t sleep at all! Wide awake.

I’m having to use nipple shields to feed her as I think her latch isn’t deep enough as my nipples are cracked and feeding was painful - midwife said that was fine but to seek help to get her back on the nipple ASAP. My partner wants to help so I tried to express and got nothing!

I don’t think I’ve slept properly since 2 days before she was born I laboured are home for 2 days then was kept in overnight on shared ward with no sleep. I’ve now also developed a viral infection a horrendous chesty cough that started after labour so feel awful. I don’t know how to get better.

I guess my ask is
Does anyone have any experience of baby refusing to sleep being put down? How did you manage it?
And constant feeding at night with no sleeping?

I feel like I’m doing something wrong

Congratulations! You’re doing NOTHING wrong lovely.

Google the 4th trimester.

Midwives aren’t always the best for feeding advice, see if you can find any breastfeeding groups or lactation consultants near you.

The first few weeks are hard. You’re doing a great job

No advice but 💐 don’t be too hard on yourself OP.

This was my first dd. I was honestly hallucinating after 6 days. The cure... co sleeping. It wasn't my plan but it meant I wasn't making myself ill from sleep deprivation and she got to cuddle with mama, which is all she wanted. If you're as desperate as I was, this is the answer.

The other thing I'll say is. My dd1 was so bad I thought it would never end. People kept saying 'oh it's normal blah blah.' I'm still not sure it was, at the time I thought someone would die. But they didn't. It was a horrible time, I'm sad to say, but it passed and now I have my beautiful, funny, loving 3 year old who I couldn't love anymore. It WILL pass. But sorry it's shit now. X

Congratulations! You're not doing anything wrong. DD was exactly like this - I remember timing her on a stopwatch when she allowed me to put her down for ten minutes and sending it to DH as a huge victory.

It's very very hard and a big shock.

My advice - swaddle her in a sleepyhead after warming it with a hot water bottle. Or try her in a soft sling. If you can afford it the baby bjorn mini is very easy as it's soft but structured so you don't have to mess on with a big piece of material.

DD was like this for a couple of weeks - myself and DH had to take it in shifts holding her. Hang in there, make sure you get some rest. You will be ok and I promise you it will get easier soon.

Congratulations!
You're doing just fine so please don't think otherwise. The first weeks are so tough.
Poor you, the last thing you need is a viral infection.
Stay warm, drink fluids and try to eat well.
I always imagine newborns find it quite frightening in the early days ) after their birth. They've spent such a long time tucked up (squashed)
in the womb, It must feel bizarre to them now they can stretch, hear clear sounds, feel air on their skin etc...
It may well be frowned upon these days (my youngest is 20) but I used to swaddle, it really comforts the baby.
A thin cotton moses basket/pram sheet folded in a big triangular shape. Lay baby on top and with arms straight, tuck one side across the body and tuck under then the do the next side until baby resembles a wrap :) make sure it's not near the mouth or face, and not too tight not too loose. It keeps them snug like they were in the womb.
It won't make her sleep for hours, if she doesn't want to but may buy you a little bit of a rest.

The only other suggestion I have is that you take her out for a walk or better still get dh to take her, during the day to help her begin to differentiate day from night. It's very usual for newborns to have them upside down

This is all normal. Assuming your DH is at home on paternity leave then feed her to sleep and hand her over to him and get your head down for as long as you can.

It's really tough but it's normal.

If you read about the 4th trimester it helps make sense of why they are like this.

I agree with a PP, if you can go to a breastfeeding cafe or get some advice from a breastfeeding consultant it may help. Has she been checked for tongue tie? They can also make sure she is positioned properly too, or give you some other positions to try. I found that the rugby ball hold sometimes helped get a deeper latch.

Congratulations on your new baby

You are doing nothing wrong I promise.
No sleep makes everything crazy, and babies can’t do anything for themselves and can’t communicate what they want, which is crazy too.

I had a Velcro baby, carried her in a sling at all times! That was crazy too... but it passed.
She’s 15 now and shopping for prom dresses, but I will never forget what it was like to have a Velcro baby.
In a couple of years you’ll have another baby and they will be totally different. My DS didn’t want to be held.

Just take it Day by day ( hour by hour). They properly arrive after a few weeks.

Sorry that post was really disjointed, I can’t get any peace and quiet

Just remember each day is a new day and you're doing brilliantly.
My sisters DS was like this and her poor nipples suffered too. She tried everything but he was always on the boob and it actually turned out that her milk flow wasn't brilliant and that was the main cause of him being unsettled. Not saying this is what you have but sometimes it doesn't even cross your mind.
Congratulations on your baby

You’re not doing anything wrong. I found the first 3 weeks overwhelming and then it settled down a lot. Everything is a phase. Good luck and I hope you have an easier night tonight.

Thank you everyone for your kind responses. I was beginning to feel like it must be me. I think I need to be a little less hard on myself.

Swaddling worked in the hospital so may be worth a try again.

It’s really helpful to know there’s this support network here.

I think around 5 days is the hardest time, both hormonally and the accumulative sleep deprivation. I feel like my DS must have arrived several months old as the newborn period is just a blur!

I'd recommend trying to nap at every opportunity in the day for the first couple of weeks, even if it is a bit depressing when you just want to relax with a bree or catch up with texts.

In terms of getting her down you could try any combo of the following:
Hot water bottle before you put her down
White noise app (I use relaxio)
Muslin smelling of you as her sheet
Swaddle
Different cot (perhaps pram carrycot if safe or we got a sleepyhead in desperation)
Hairdryer!

After she falls asleep hold her for 15 mins or so before you try putting her down.

It is so so hard..I found it got better so gradually I didn't notice but within a few weeks DS was doing stretches of a couple of hours and I had stopped crying all the time. They also stop pooing at night . which helps!

Hope you feel better soon.

OP my baby is 8 days old and day 5 was really tough! I think it is peak milk coming in time for lots of women if that makes sense, and sleep deprivation is awful.

My DP is taking care of the house and our other 2 in order for me to basically just sit in bed and feed/pump. You definitely need support while doing this but pleas do definitely speak to a proper lactation consultant, and take much time as possible to rest.

Congratulations

Congratulations!

I went through exactly the same and the solution has been co-sleeping. My midwives explained that at such a young age, some babies may just want to be as close as possible to you so that they can feel safe, and secure. They want to be able to know you’re close to them- they can barely see anything at the moment so they rely on their other senses- being able to smell you and feel your warmth. If you’re exclusively breast feeding, don’t smoke (or share bed with a smoker) and haven’t drank any alcohol (or share bed with anyone who does) then it is safe for you to share a bed with your baby. The baby can’t be under any adult bedding and will need to be in a sleeping bag or blanket so as not to overheat. You can read information about safe bed sharing on the Lullaby Trust website. I was always really cautious against it but it has honestly transformed things and has really helped me to be responsive to her needs to feed at night. It’s also incredibly cosy!

I would second the sleepy head, our little one loves it and it makes her feel like she is held because it’s enclosed. We got one as when she spent time in intensive care they had her in something very similar and I think she got used to it in there, the first night she was out on the ward she wouldn’t settle at all and the nurse recommended it to us. When we got her home, she slept great in it. She also loves to be held😂😂😂 I know a lot of people are in two minds about them but we wouldn’t be without her one now!!!

Oh bless you. The sleep deprivation, sore nipples and overwhelming feeling will pass. Until they do truly rest as much as possible.
My ds was the same. Turned out he had reflux so something to just keep an eye on. He would throw up every feed and of course was then hungry!

Also due to the reflux he wanted to suck all day and night long. My poor boobs! So I cracked and got him a dummy (for some reason I thought I never would - fool me) and things improved. He still had reflux but things def improved with the dummy.

Today he is 19 and at Uni. Time has flown and one day this will be a distant memory. Things will improve but you need to just let your dh support you and get as much sleep as possible.

Unpopular opinion but don't be afraid to use formula. It won't help with the velcro baby but will with your partner being able to do a bit more so you can rest. Dh and I took shifts... It was the only way!!

Congrats op

Babies are HARD. I've had three so I've got some experience and what you're feeling is totally normal. My baby is 10 weeks now and still doesn't like to be put down, I'm afraid that's just babies, it's nothing you're doing wrong.

I'm not one of these huge 'baby wearing' people and never went near a sling for my two year old, but for this baby it's been a game changer. I use the one I got free in the baby box (Scotland) but I think there are loads you can get cheaply. My DD loves it, she gets the closeness and feeling of being held but I get my arms back! She also sleeps well in it.

Breastfeeding at the start is a bitch too. It's rare for it just to click and does take time. Also normal. And it gets better for most people (not me) but if it doesn't then there's formula and that's fine. Don't worry about expressing just now either, that's loads of extra work just now.

You are doing great and you've got this, honestly you have. My kids are 4, 2 and 10 weeks and I wouldn't have kept doing it if it didn't get better. Hang in there.

Another one saying you are doing nothing wrong! Firstly, congratulations!!

I'm currently feeding my nearly 5 week old and I honestly don't know how I survived those first couple of weeks!

Please please contact your health visitor to arrange a visit. Mine has been twice and in my view they are so much more knowledgable than the MW in those first few weeks. I was sailing close to PND and mine saved me

I wonder if the latch is really right? I had the same issue as you: my son seemed to be feeding constantly and my nipples were ruined. He also never seemed to take the whole thing and my nipples would come out of his mouth flat. The HV diagnosed tongue tie which the MWs missed.

I ended up moving to formula as BF was affecting my MH but worth getting a second opinion? I also agree with PP on not being afraid of mixed feeding and perhaps one bottle before bed? It's completely your choice of course and I don't want to sway you one way or the other but my DS slept the first chunk of the night better after a FF

Also controversial but we use a sleepyhead with sheepskin over the top and swaddle... it's the only thing that works for us and DS now sleeps for 4 hrs, then feeds, then another 3 hours and has been a game changer.

In the day he still won't be put down so I use a close caboo and I can then get things done. But I can also get comfy on the sofa and have a nap with him sleeping on me in the sling so a bonus!!

Good luck and hope your sleep improves x

Congratulations and poor you, first baby is hard! Lovely, but hard. I also know it’s unpopular on here but formula might be worth a try. You don’t have to stop breastfeeding, just do both. You need sleep, desperately. Everything will look different when you’ve had some. Can someone look after your baby for a bit so you can sleep? Good luck. And get to the dr for antibiotics if you think you might have an infection.

Haven't got time to write much but swaddling , white noise and hot water bottle in Moses basket x

Every baby is different but it's very common for them to want to be held and fed round the clock. As their tummies grow and startle reflex dies down it becomes a little easier. I found holding my baby in my arms for a little while after a feed followed by moving him in an upright position over my shoulder helped. I would hold him on my shoulder until he was fast asleep then move with him into the crib bending as low as I could so it was as late as possible I would have to lift him off me. I found my lo preferred blankets to gro bags and white noise would also help him. It's all trial and error and I find techniques that work one week don't the next so don't be afraid to try something new. If you hold babies arm and it's rigid they aren't in a deep sleep. If it's floppy you have a better chance of success

It’s very common to want to be held. Who wouldn’t want to be cuddled to sleep after all? On a practical front

• lots of Lansinoh for your nipples. LOTS.
• expressing isn’t a sign of how much milk you have so don’t worry
• the constant feeding is common at this stage. Your baby is establishing your supply and comfort sucking is important for that.
• I second the Sleepyhead as well but I am aware it contravenes SIDS guidelines. I felt it was overall safer than me falling asleep with her in an unsafe position on the sofa. I also safely co-slept with my first.
• See if a lactation consultant can check your latch
• For the day to night confusion we did this: roughly after 6/7 pm about 30 mins after a feed, we did a nice warm oil massage, a quick dip in a warm bath, change, feed, read the same book every night and then lights off. From then to 6/7 am we kept them in the dark with all nappy changes if needed (only if there is a poo) in the dark with no stimulation. It meant one of us was stuck upstairs in turn but actually they got day from night very quickly, twice. (I have two sons) so yes they fed every so often but went straight back to sleep. That really helped me mentally.
• in the daytime as much as possible hand over to your partner and you get some sleep. Leave everything else to your partner.

And eventually I found the book No Cry Sleep Solution really helpful for breastfeeding mothers and to reduce what she calls ‘arm sleeping.’ It’s a book that doesn’t promise three day miracles but is a much more realistic step by step process that I felt was both much kinder to me and my sons.