What's it like being a SAHD?

[SundayMorningSun]

I'm currently on maternity leave, and the end of my leave coincides with the end of DH's current contract. One option is for him to be a SAHD to our DD from about 11 months, for perhaps six months or a year.

I am the higher earner, so financially it makes sense, and I have a flexible job so I could still have a day a week with the baby. He was off on Shared Parental Leave for the first 12 weeks (with me there too), so he's got a good idea of the rhythms of being at home with the baby. We very much both pull our weight with baby, housework, cleaning, etc, so I'm not too worried there. (The only thing that he never does is take related to my car, which he rarely uses.)

I've realised though that I don't know many SAHDs. Does anyone have any experiences to share (positive or negative)? Any pitfalls or problems to avoid? What is it like from a working mum's perspective?

My DH did it for a while with our DS, I went back to work when DS was 9 months, and DS went full time at nursery when he was 14 months. DH experienced the same challenges as most SAHM and SAHD do, he found it isolating, wearing, struggled to keep up with an active toddler and the house, and worried he wasn't meeting DS's needs enough. On top of that I think he felt reluctant to go to parent and baby groups, or out and about with DS because he thought people would be off with him for going to something which is for mums, or that he would be the only dad in the room. Which, while it was his own perception holding him back, added to the sense of isolation. I don't think he'd mind me saying that he wouldn't choose to do it again, while he loved spending that time with DS, and they have the most amazing bond now, he's pretty clear that full time childcare is not a role he feels comfortable in, and I get that totally, I chose to go back to work for good reason.

Having said all that I do know other dads who have taken on the role and loved it. I think it just depends on what kind of person you are, male or female, as to whether being a stay at home parent is the right thing for you.

OP, DH has our toddler at home two days a week. He had to find toddler groups that were more accepting of dads (our local one had little groups of mums who knew each other and he found only CMs and grandparents spoke to him - now goes to a different one with some other dads and a broader mix of carers) and found toddler swimming to be good.

I think a lot of what we'd say would be the same to SAHMs and well as dads - get out when you can, get them walking if you can (wears them out), talk to people (even if it's asking where DC had their hair cut or got their coat from) so you're not just talking to the baby, and rest if you need it (depending on how well little one sleeps). If you're in a more urban location you may find there are other dads around (your DH could post in a local facebook group to see if there are others out there) which would be less isolating.

Watch out for you OP as well, as it can be hard for FT working mums. There are no baby groups at weekends for you to meet other parents, and any groups HVs set up at weekends are usually just for dads. Ensure you also have ways to spend quality time with your baby and other parents.