3 yo getting dressed - please help :(

[Firsttimer16]

My 3 year old DS has always been quite sensitive (hates loud noises etc) but recently mornings have become hell. He won’t wear any clothes claiming they hurt him and don’t feel right or are too tight (they’re not as it’ll be the same ones he wore the day before for example.) he sobs and sobs and we end up having to angrily force the clothes on him as it’s time to leave the house for bursery. We’ve tried everything, treats, bribes, threats etc but he doesn’t care about any of it. I’m sure it is him being nervous / upset about nursery (although he’s been there for years and always loves it when he’s there) and this is how he shows it but I have another dd and getting them both out the house is becoming impossible.
We allow loads of time and go as softly as we can but ultimately bar waking him at 5:30am I can’t see a way out Of it and even that I don’t think would help. Please please have anyone been through this for any tactics to try?

My son started complaining about the ‘lumps in the toes of his socks’ recently, screaming and carrying on trying to repeatedly take his socks off whilst I was trying to get everyone out of the door for school! It was end of term and he was very tired, I think that contributed towards the frustration... it seems to have settled now and I didn’t really do anything, just said ok we will get some different socks, hurry downstairs I think there are some in the kitchen... he forgot I think and once downstairs was ok. Hopefully it’s just a phase!

My DD is very like this, very sensitive and clothes have to be just so. She has got much better lately (she's now 5) but it started at around age 3 with the lumps in socks thing and then she didn't like wearing pants. She wore the same dress pretty much every day for a while and I'd have to wash it and dry it on a radiator for the next day. I have had to use every ounce of patience (and occasionally I've flipped out I must confess) when getting her dressed but I really try to take lots of time, let her choose her outfit, choose my battles - so some days she doesn't wear pants if we can get away with it. I have got the hang of adjusting her socks to just the way she likes them. My advice is to just be as calm and patient as you possibly can which I know is difficult and frustrating when you're in a rush. I find stressing out about it has never made the situation better, only worse. I know of someone who got their child dressed for nursery the night before so they slept in their day clothes and were ready to go the next morning!

When mine start getting a ‘thing’ about something like this I find it’s better just to make a load of changes than it is to confront the issue head on. So maybe clothes get picked the night before and laid out in their body shape in the sitting room. Or we have to find a whole outfit of one colour of theme together and we pull all the clothes out or they pick a brand new outfit online and we wait for bit to be delivered. A distraction essentially to relieve the pressure around that moment.

My DS is totally the same. What changed for us was towelin trainer socks and clothes wise I hold out 2 different pants/T-shirt's/jumpers and he choses the ones he wants to wear. Changed my life x

Hi op, don't want to alarm you but the things you have described are commonly associated with ASC. My youngest dc is diagnosed and has sensory issues like this. Does he have any other quirks? Any unusual speech patterns etc?

Apologies she not he🙈

Take him to nursery in his pyjamas a few times - take the clothes with you and dress him when you get there. Hopefully he'll realise it's not worth the drama.

I managed to avoid some of this when my DC were toddlers by giving them the illusion of choice.
Instead of “You have to get dressed now”, it was “Do you want your red t shirt or your blue t shirt?”
That way, you offer them a feeling of power as they think they are making the decision - you don’t give them “not getting dressed at all” as an option!

It's a sensory issue and I've been like it all my life.

Turn socks inside out so the seams are on the outside and don't rub their toes.

Try and avoid any clothes with scratchy fabric, thick seams or itchy labels at the back of the neck. Unpick labels if necessary to get them off. Cutting them out doesn't work as it leaves a stub that's often itchier than the label was in the first place.

A lot of children have sensory issues until about 6, so dont worry unless there are other areas he is having difficulty.
If he has sensory issues, the clothes are hurting him.

Get clothes without tags and seams, leggings etc. Let him wear whatever he wants, even if they are pyjamas that look like clothes. Good luck x

We've just been through a month or two of this. At the peak it was INSANE, it would take both parents a long time to force him into clothes whilst he kicked, screamed, thrashed, tried to get the clothes off in an utter hysterical meltdown. Generally once the clothes were on he would stop fighting but need a lot of calming down after the trauma. The whole thing was exhausting and I was in tears about it a lot. I have one DC with autism and felt he must be autistic too. I believed it to be a transition thing rather than sensory because we'd usually have the same battle when it came to taking the same clothes he previously despised off again. Though he definitely has a preference for pyjamas. I tried buying him his favourite character clothes etc but that made no difference. He'd be excited by them but refuse to wear them.

Fast forward briefly and I'm very relieved to say it was a short phase, though it didn't seem short at the time. A big change has been him wanting to dress himself, he tries and is happy to ask for help if he gets stuck. I think he just felt out of control being dressed? So now he chooses what he can and can't manage himself and if he is demanding we help him, I guess it's on his terms and he can manage that.

During the worst of it, I found that doing a morning or afternoon bath if we had time helped. Bath time was the only time he would willingly let me undress him because he was excited for a bath.

Also deliberately having him get his clothes wet/messy. Giving him water to play with or a messy breakfast, in those situations he would want his messy clothes removed immediately.

Lastly, when DH was working away and I had to get us out really early, I'd dress him in his nursery clothes the night before (joggers and t-shirt so not uncomfortable). It was that or not manage to get him ready otherwise.

When my DS was a toddler, he was a nightmare to get dressed. Had very specific types of clothes he would wear and nothing else - ie three buttons and across the way stripes (!) and no wool, or anything scratchy.

We ended up buying him a very boring wardrobe with several of each (approved) item, and the troubles became much less. Key was letting him choose then following his choices.

I was very sensitive to clothes when I was a child. Incmfact I still am but I tolerate it now. Can't stand some materials and don't wear underwear anymore because ut irritated me so much.
Whe I was a child I couldn't wear socks with seems, jeans, certain materials.
I would buy him really comfy clothes. For nursery.

This has all been so so useful thanks so much. If only to make me feel like I’m not the only one!
I will try some of the tricks you have mentioned and pray to god it’s a short phase!
He is a shy sensitive boy until he feels comfortable somewhere (then he’s loud and outgoing as they come!) but while his personality is a little quirkier than others his speech / understanding etc is excellent so I’m not overly concerned it’s a sign of anything bigger.

I just cried my eyes out this morning after my husband had bundled him out the door for nursery as he had just seemed so upset - but we had to leave. I hate him having that every morning. Thank you ahain

Joggers and a long sleeve top. Wear it to bed. Job done.

We have seamless socks ( sock shop) and vest is worn inside out so seams don't touch skin. More tricky in the summer with no vests. No plastic prints on tops or appliqué as sticky on skin ( I think it's sweaty or itchy on the lining ) Can't do wellies as they rub. Hats was an issue, but suddenly this year it's fine so keep trying. Find solutions and carefully remove labels.

@Firsttimer16 Was this just a phase? Any tips for dealing with this as our headstrong son is often like this unless he’s wearing his favourite outfit!

Update pls ? My 3 year old the same but don’t think it’s because of sensory I think it’s more anxious self conscious to wear something new

age 3-4 we had the lumps in the socks thing. It just sort of stopped after 6 months or so. He’s now really happy to wear everything as long as he got to pick it in the shops, won’t wear what I buy off Vinted myself etc!! He’s almost 5

My now 5 year old has always been a NIGHTMARE at getting dressed. When she was 1 and onwards, getting her dressed was like fighting a ferral cat. We used to put her in leggings etc and she would always claim they were too tight, uncomfy etc once she could verbalise this. She still claims socks and shoes aren't right and hurt her. She is just extremely sensitive to the feeling of things constricting her body. I honestly think that she has sensory issues and if we hadn't been so blind to it (being first child) it would have flagged much earlier. She is also extremely sensitive to loud noises. The clothes issues result in shouting, frutration, sometimes hitting/kicking etc. Recently, we have put the onus on her dressing herself and that is a HUGE help (obviously not useful for younger children though). We have also given up completely on girls tight leggings and started to go with joggers. She still gives some attitude about the waistband being tight, so every now and then I try on a pair of leggings and she is reminded of what the other option is. Needless to say the last 5 years have been painful. We had our second child and watched him as a toddler assist us with putting on/taking off clothes instead of fighting every step and our brains were blown that this isn't "normal". I think that there are specific clothes brands known for being better for sensory children, so that might help too.