I’m lonely :(

[Dontbsicily]

Hi all,

First time mum to a beautiful 14wo and starting to get a bit lonely now!

I feel guilty because, I adore my little one and spending time alone playing with her is lovely but, it’s taking its toll on me now, being in all day with her. I started last week taking her for walks (mostly because she won’t nap and then gets overtired so 3pm onwards gets exhausting) and I’ve been searching all night for baby groups nearby but, I didn’t realise that most of them have a wait list. I thought I could just turn up! I’ve signed up for contact when availability comes up but, I’m the meantime what do I do?

Both my mum and sister don’t work Mondays and to begin with, I couldn’t get rid of them! They were brilliant and would come round and look after her whilst I washed my hair and did some washing but I can’t remember the last time they came. My sister has a new house so she has been busy getting the stuff unpacked and I sometimes see mum if I take LO to hers. I have a friend who had a baby the same time as me but she lives in a different area and has her own mum friends as she isn’t a first time mum so, as much as we agreed to go for coffee and spend time at each other’s houses, she’s often busy and doesn’t invite me places. I’d like to ask to join her when she does things but I only find out she’s gone somewhere from social media and I didn’t want to be pathetic and say next time you go for coffee can I come!

Any tips for dealing with the loneliness? I’ve always been very career driven up until now and going to work counted towards a lot of my socialising so now I feel like the only adult I talk to is my partner and even then, when he comes home, he takes over with baby girl whilst I cook and shower, do the washing etc so we don’t get a lot of time together.

It doesn’t help that LO has started kicking off at bedtime and refusing to let anyone else settle her, but me. I feel like I don’t get a break and I feel guilty for even saying that because, I love that she wants and needs me. It’s just exhausting :(

Thanks MNers x

Yes it's such a lonely time, and I found it hard to make friends with other mothers too. Around here, there's no problem joining groups but mums aren't actually great company anyway because we're all so exhausted and have half a mind on our babies all the time. I went back to study. Like, got away from the kids to do it. Just for my own sanity. It's helped me a lot, but it's a big commitment of time.

Ah I’ve been there. Most nhs children’s centre have stay and play sessions - could you check that? Also maybe have a look on facebook for local mums groups? Xx

Go to a baby / toddler class every day .. even the toddler ones have a baby corner and just start chatting .. with both mine I did a different class /activity every morning then they had milk / lunch and a good sleep and then the afternoon I went for a walk and maybe met someone from said clubs .. be brave and start chatting to anyone with a baby as pretty much everyone else is in the same boat . Good luck .

Check your local library/ churches.... they often have sessions for babies/ toddlers and won't have a waiting list.

From 3 months you can join jo jingles class. (Which is amazing in my area East Midlands)

I took my dd swimming from 6 weeks to get out the house. I took her to one of my friends, every week on Tuesday night. We’d watch tv shows and eat dinner while she slept...it’s getting harder now she’s 14 months 😅

I’m single parent and fine weekends the hardest and loneliest because my friends with kids or without are busy with partners.

I’ve made 2 good friends from mum groups and them with my older friends make for a good busy week. :) I adore my mum friends because they know what it’s like! My best friend was already a mum of 1 when we made friends 9 years ago. She’s now got 2 and she’s been the best support to me with my dd. It’s brought us closer and I’m more understanding now, that she couldn’t have holidays or do things I used to always ask. (Like without hers) we’re booking a weekend mum trip soon, for a break!

Good luck xx

If your breastfeeding go to a breastfeeding support group as it's an easy way to meet new people. If not attend a health visitor drop in session. You might meet other parents in the waiting room and can ask the hv about anything they are running as children's centres often have things on. I attend groups and haven't really made friends as I only see them at the group but it's saved my sanity just seeing other people. Also check your local library as they often have drop in classes but they aren't always well advertised

I understand exactly how you feel OP. I have just had my second DC. I don't have a lot of mum friends and the ones I do already seem to have other mum friends they are a lot closer to. I was extremely lonely when I first had my first DD. I also realise I probably had PND I was literally scared to leave the house alone with her but felt trap inside at the same time. It wasn't help by the fact we only have one car that my DH needs for work. So I often couldn't get to baby groups without spending a fortune in taxis or using public transport that wasn't very good.
Fortunately although it took me till my DD was 6 months to realise quite afew local churches do playgroups you just turn up to. I eventually got myself into a routine which really helped and just made me feel better. My DH was off with us at the weekends, I went to the church groups on Mondays and Tuesdays, Wednesdays i walked to the shops and Fridays I went to my mums. It only left me with one day I didn't get out/see people.
It can be really lonely OP. I would get in touch with local churches if you haven't already see if they have anything. If you have a car/good transport maybe look abit further afield for baby groups?
It is so common how you feel I didn't realise till I joined Mumsnet.

It can be really lonely. Baby groups (stay and play rather than classes) can be a good way to meet people. Or if you enjoy walking how about setting up your own buggy walk- I did it and it was really easy and a fab way to meet people. Plus less awkward with small talk than stay and play groups. Drop me a message if you want some tips on setting one up.

It can be really lonely. Agree with others about looking for groups - my local NCT playgroup never turns away a parent with a baby under 6 months even if the rest of playgroup is full, the children's centre runs things a couple of times a week for babies, the library does two singing and story sessions a week. I found classes useful for making new friends but it is about booking in advance for them.

I used to go for coffee and have a chat with the older people - older people love a baby!

Have a look for playgroups rather than specific baby groups. They'll be largely aimed at older (walking children) but most will have a baby area and give you a cuppa. They tend to be cheaper than baby classes and don't usually have wait lists. A lot of the churches round here run them. Otherwise children's centres and the library (as pp have said). Is there a cinema doing baby cinema near you? Not so good for meeting people but gets you out. Also try the hoop app to look for groups.

I'm not surprised you are feeling bad. You need to get out the house doing something everyday. Even if you don't feel like it.

I used to be quite upfront about needing friends. I found other people were in the same situation so were responsive. I was also quite forward about suggesting coffees or meet-ups - they didn't all amount to anything but some did.

Hi everyone.

Thank you so much for your responses. Sorry I didn’t reply earlier, I’ve been struggling a bit whilst LO has been going through a clingy stage.

I posted on a local Facebook group and had lots of recommendations for a couple of baby groups nearby. The owner of the one that said it was full online reached out to me and we are starting next week!

I also opened up to my mum and my sister about how I am feeling and intend to do the same when I see my best friend for tea tomorrow night. Today I took LO to see DP’s grandma which was good for all of us as, she loved seeing baby girl and also, the car journey meant that LO has a nap, then when we got home, she had a change and a feed and napped for a further 1.5 hours! I was going to do jobs in this time but instead, I put my feet up and watched a bit of tv and relaxed and I think it did me a lot of good having that little bit of me time.

So I’m out for tea tomorrow night, visiting my sister on Thursday and on Friday I’m going for a walk with my friend. I think I just needed to put myself out there a bit rather than expect everyone to come to me or assume that they know how I am feeling!

Thank you again xx

Just wanted to say I know how you feel, none of my own friends have kids yet and any groups are at least half an hour away by car thanks to living in middle of nowhere. Most of the time I’m ok and do see family and friends but I can’t just walk to shop or baby group.
Don’t be scared and just ask your friend if you can join her next time, I’m sure she wouldn’t think it weird and would be glad if you joined

I second mother and baby groups and library sessions, rather than classes. Do you have a baby clinic, I used to talk to mums there to start with.
We moved to a new area when I was pregnant so didn’t know anyone local, and family lived hours away, so had to force myself to get out and about.