Is it just me that is struggling?

[Hayley2407]

I honestly don't know how these mums who have the tea cooked, house cleaned, showered, dressed with makeup, plus taking the baby to a baby group; how do they do it?
Surely I'm not the only one struggling? I don't have time or the energy for that matter to leave the house each day to go to a baby group. But I feel so guilty for it!

How old is your baby? Are they managing to sleep?

It is tough but it gets easier and a lot is about confidence

@doadeer
My boy is 5 and a half months, he's good as gold and sleeps really well. This is why I feel terrible as he's so good
I feel like I should be doing more with him but with everything else that needs doing I just can't find the time to get everything done 🙈

It is really tough. And you shouldn't put too much pressure on. Just aim for windows of time... Like I will always try and go for a walk with the pram and/or a group between 9-11 and I'll do 30 mins of housework 2-4. For dinner just plan easy things! No one needs Michelin started!

Just start with small steps is my advice... But remember you don't have to go to any of them... Lots of people feel better putting a bit of make up on and getting out the house but it's not one size fits all

Groups are for the parents not the babies. Don’t pressure yourself just do what makes you happy.

I'm the same Op, you arent alone! In my case, DS naps slap bang in the middle of when I would need to go to any baby groups round here so I havent been since he was 3-5 months. He's 10 months now. I still struggle to get everything done in the house, i always feel like I'm knee deep in laundry and nothing is ever completely tidy.

OP you are not alone, I manage to get out to do something (more than just a daily wonder around the block to walk the dog) twice a week if I'm lucky and ds is 6 months now, and it took until he was almost 4 months before I actually managed to get my days into a pattern to achieve anything beyond getting the kitchen and livingroom looking semi tidy and some washing in the machine (it still usually gets washed 2 or 3 times before I get it out to dry)

I genuinely don't think anyone realises how much the day just gets taken over until they're in it. I mean you get warned, but I never really took too much notice 🙈 and I doubt any mum to be does either.

Some mums are just wonder woman, and I bow down to them, I will never be her though 😂

I didn't wash my hair much or clean my house much when dd was that age 🙄 I just enjoyed playing with her. Don't underestimate how much easier it is to enjoy just looking at their lovely little faces before they can move, or say "no"!

Now dd is nearly 3 she can occupy herself more and my house is starting to look nice again, less like someone's thrown grenades in every room. And because she can stand up and wash herself in the shower now, I can wash myself in the shower more often too.

Don't sweat it, you're definitely not alone

I'm not coping either, no housework gets done during the day, it all piles up and I just about keep on top of it when dh gets home and takes baby for a while. Or when my mum comes round to help (hate to think what I would do without her!). She is pretty rubbish at sleeping at night and only naps on me during the day. It's exhausting.

The only way I differ is we do get to the baby groups, as I can't bear being in all day every day. It is so much harder trying to keep dd happy and me not spiralling so it gives me a push out of the house. Am I always on time and well presented? No. Do I ever have make up on? No. Did I get into the pool ten minutes late (for a half hour session) last week only to spot I had put her costume on backwards? Yes.

You do what you need to survive. Ask for help if you need and can. Cry if you need. I have plenty of times. You are doing great!!!

I can manage to get dressed and out for 8.30 and usually with some make up on. Dinner is ready for 5.10 everyday. It’s because this is my second child and I have no choice. I’ll be back after the school run to give you some tips but I would rather not have the pressure to get up and ready and I could do with some more sleep.

I don’t wash my hair much, don’t wear make up or do much housework. While hubby feeds baby before work I get up and get showered and ready for the day.
I put a load of laundry on when DS wakes from first nap then it goes in the tumble dryer after his second nap. I rarely bother with ironing. We all look clean and tidy and I have no idea why I bothered with all this stuff before DS came along. He was a nightmare for 6 months re daytime sleeping so never had time for anything for myself or the house and I just stopped worrying about it!
Im lucky because DH makes tea. I tidy up for half an hour once DS is in bed at night. I run the hoover round while he’s playing on his mat.
I don’t do anything when he naps. I sit down with a cup of tea.
Your baby will only be little once, don’t worry about the little things. If you want to go out, go out, if you don’t then don’t worry about it, he’ll be fine! Just look after yourself.

I’m the same as @Primrose89 now as DS is 10 months and naps when most morning groups are so we have two drop ins we go to twice a week, and a couple of afternoon classes, otherwise we go for walks, play or spend money that I don’t have at the shops!

Thank you so much everyone!
I feel slightly better hearing it's not just me😊

I get up at 7 and feed baby and change her nappy. Then I persuaded my 3 year old to have a wee and I help her get dressed. I have from 7.30 to 8 to have a quick shower, slap on a little bit of make up and clothes while DH is making the older one breakfast. Downstairs do DD1 teeth and hair, coats and shoes on. Then I have fo change DD2 nappy. Put baby in the sling and off on the nursery run. If not DH to watch baby while you get ready then put them in a bouncy chair in the bathroom or with toys in a cot.

Dinner is often either batches cooked out if the freezer (curry with microwaved riced), or prepped through out the day (sausage, veg and mash - sausage cooked in the oven) or quick with frozen cheat (salmon fillets, ready made polenta and frozen med style veg - 20 mins in the oven).

I am to get a washing load washed, tumbled and put alway a day. Dish washer emptied. No ironing here. Online food shopping. Toys tidied up before dinner or bedtime.

Hair washed a couple of times a week. Colab dry hair shampoo is amazing.

I wear a ‘uniform’ of jeans and feeding tops. I put them all in the same drawer so it’s super quick to get ready.

Meal plan and weekly family meeting so we all know what is happening.

Some days though I’m desperate for a nap. There is nothing better than naps with your baby.

Just to add, I was not like this with DD1.

I got DH to do his bit. He woke up, made my breakfast. And made me a sandwich for lunch. Emptied the dishwasher. Sorted the laundry. I woke up and fed the baby. Handed to DH who had by now had a shower and was ready for work. DH got the baby ready for the day and sorted the changing bag. I had a shower, cup of tea, toast.
Then he was off, there was lunch for me and both of us were up and dressed.

And then I did jobs in 3-4 20 min sections. 20 mins to prep vegetables and stuff for dinner. 20 mins to cook it.
20 mins to sort out the downstairs and put out laundry.
20 mins to do another chore.

I found if I did 3x20 mins every day it was fine.
We also had a cleaner.
DH batch cooked on weekends as well so there was stuff in the freezer.

We now have two. We both work FT. DH still does the morning stuff with the kids. I do the bulk of the cooking and childcare (I finish work early) and all the children related admin (DS1 announced at 9 pm last night he needs a shoe box for school). I also do the laundry. DH goes the garden, the bins. And we all clean. The kids tidy up at 6:30. DH cleans their kitchen. I supervise the kids and tidy up the living room with them.

I cook 2-3 times a week when they sleep and batch cook on weekends.

I struggle too, tea is either cooked or the house is clean, never both. Either I'm clean or the kids are clean, also never both! On the extremely rare day we're all clean, clothed, fed and the house smells ok I half expect a plane to fly through my window!

Once you get into a routine, it’s easier.
Quick shower in the morning while dh was at home then got dressed.
Didn’t take baby downstairs til changed and dressed.
Dh and I tidied up every evening so the house was tidy to start the day.
I did quick recipes for me as dh. Usually one pot ones so there was only one cooking tray or casserole dish to wash plus our plates.
Washed and cleaned dishes throughout the day.
Couple of laundry loads in the morning throughout the week.
Everything else wasn’t that important or could wait til the weekend.

Like Selfsettling3 I am showered, dressed, have a bit of make up on and am out of the house by 8.30am every day with my baby... but that’s because I have 2 older DC at school. We then go straight from the school run to a baby group, home for lunch time, a few chores in the afternoon and then back on the school run again. Drowning in washing for 3DC still though!
I’m not telling you that to make you feel bad... quire the opposite. I’m exhausted. Burnt out. You can never get back those chilled, lazy days with DC1 when you can stay in your pyjamas all day if you want to. Make the most of it. If you’re happy not going to groups, don’t go! They’re for the parent at that age, not the baby. Plenty of time for that when the baby is bigger (or not, if you don’t want to!). Relax your standards for a while. Honestly!

I used to think this, my sister is one of these, her house is spotless even with toys everywhere. I only have to have 1 toy out in my house and it looks like a bomb has hit it! My office is based from home so I have to fit in 22 hours and week of work as well as kids a cleaning It isn’t easy. Now I just think, so my house is sometimes untidy, it’s not dirty it’s not unhealthy and I have two happy healthy kids with another on the way. I’ve never taken maternity leave and after my 2nd baby my friend said to me you’d rather have a happy baby than a tidy house, and that’s how I live now. I also don’t stick to weekly groups as they are so regimented, yeah they are good with meeting people and that but very often the babies aren’t that bothered by each other and would like to get in with their own thing.

I think you just gradually get into a routine, especially as they get a bit older and can be more relied upon to sleep/eat at set times.

My day looks something like this
Get up,wash, dress, makeup, brush hair, make beds, open curtains, sort out load of washing, get baby and 3yo dressed -baby plays with toys on my bedroom floor (or follows me around whinging a bit depending on his mood)

Take baby and load of washing down, put baby in high chair with breakfast. Get 3yo breakfast. Shovel in own breakfast, empty dishwasher and reload with breakfast stuff, put washing in machine, put washing from day before in tumble dryer if it’s not dry, wipe baby and high chair, sweep up around table, wave off older two dc, finish getting 3yo ready

Leave house 8.30 on preschool days, 8.45 on other days. Either toddler group or soft play/farm/park/just running errands.

Use baby’s nap to clean house and hang up washing

Make, eat and clear up from lunch.

Play with baby (and 3yo when she’s there)

Use baby’s second nap to do any admin/more housework/meal prep or just play with 3yo

Evenings I make packed lunches, cook dinner, tidy up from dinner, tidy up toys, bath baby and 3yo, get them to bed, shower, clear up anything else that needs doing, sit down by 8.30.

I’m not working at the moment but when I am my mornings and evenings look much the same, I just add a little bit of housework onto the evening (15/20 mins) and do more at weekends.

I wouldn’t say I am ever on top of things but we’re all washed and fed, the house is passable and I’m semi passable so that will have to do!

Agree 100% with what elbeagle said too, make the most of these days, honestly!

I also just read my post back and it sounds like my house should be tidy but it really isn’t . There are toys and random shit everywhere, shoes piled up by the door, crumbs on the floor, fingerprints at varying heights on the cupboard doors, cutlery drawer has crumbs in, a couple of my cupboards are in complete disarray, there’s a stain where someone spilt a drink on the sofa, mud in the porch where I wheeled the pram in earlier, the picture frames are dusty, there’s paperwork on the side waiting to be dealt with... it’s never ending and it is literally only the basics that get done on a daily and weekly basis!

I guess it depends if you mind being at home on your own with baby. If you don’t mind, then don’t worry about it. Babies that age don’t need playgroup. It’s when they get a bit older that it’s nice for them to have some friends. What bit of the day do you feel you’re struggling with?

You're not alone OP. I'm the same and my baby is 6.5 months xxx

Mine is 6 months and you aren’t alone. In fact I’ve come on here to start my own thread. He’s a terrible day napper and and ok night sleeper. I shower at night before bed, wash hair twice a week only. Try to clean/tidy as I go, empty dishwasher first thing in morning when I’m making our porridge (before trying to convince ds to have some) and I tend to do laundry one load a day, no ironing. I try to hoover but usually involves using a carrier. Pre baby I loved cleaning and was so organised!