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Help, advice support needed - drugs

5 replies

StressedDad759 · 26/01/2020 12:21

Hi all, I’m new on here and have been going through difficult times. I will keep this brief to start but happy to give more details when needed.

So brief background separated with my ex just over a year ago. Have a now 18 month old son with her. She had a History of drugs before we met and bad relationships. During our time together small issues, self-medicating with alcohol, codiene and the odd occasion of illegal drugs, cocaine being her drug of choice. She has a weak heart, unknown cause, possibly drug related from before. Just after we split saw a message where she orders to be dropped off to her £100 of drugs, reported this, welfare check done with no concerns.

Over the year we have tried again early on but didn’t work. I still believe she is self medicating, has self harmed before. Communication has been limited, emails but infrequent responses, I get my son every Sunday but collect from her parents, she is not present during this. So this Friday used a different phone to call and she answered to confirm this Sunday, then a short while later received a text on this phone stating “where u to? Can I stop by for another line babe? Really enjoyed seeing you”. This was at 1644 and definitely whilst she had our son and the message was not intended for me. An error from her

Obviously this alarmed me so tried to contact her but got little response and met with aggression. Tried again and her mum answered and didn’t want to listen. Contacted her dad who did listen but said it’s no concern and could have been a message from anyone.

Contacted CPS and reported it. My concerns are she is still breastfeeding at night and I believe she is taking cocaine whilst looking after our son. I feel helpless in this matter as it seems her parents are just brushing this away.

OP posts:
JiltedJohnsJulie · 26/01/2020 14:09

Why are you helpless? Why are t you going for custody?

StressedDad759 · 26/01/2020 14:24

I am considering that. It’s quite complicated. I know as soon as I start the process then I wouldn’t get to see my son until it’s over. Also I know this would cause so much additional stress and I am pretty sure things would take a significant turn for the worse. She has an older daughter from a previous relationship so also need to be mindful of her. Additionally on the whole I think she is a good mother but just needs help but I can’t seem to get through.

OP posts:
JiltedJohnsJulie · 26/01/2020 14:33

I don't think you can get her to stop taking drugs. You are no longer in a relationship with her and you haven't managed to get her to see sense so far.

I think you either need to go for custody or accept that you think she's a good Mum, albeit a Mum who takes drugs.

StressedDad759 · 26/01/2020 14:49

Thank you for your advice. I understand what you are saying but I can accept people take drugs recreationally but my concern is this is not recreational and the fact she is breastfeeding at night. I feel I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, I want to help and support but need to protect my son. If I go for custody the added stress will probably cause her to take more causing more harm. Also full custody for me would be difficult being in the forces as a single man.

Just really want some help understanding my options. Really want to prevent things getting worse but how do you get someone help if they don’t think there’s an issue.

OP posts:
porridgeface · 26/01/2020 14:55

Plenty of single mums in the forces OP....

I do know some single fathers who have full custody too. Speak to your welfare/ community support officer about they can help. There's a new flexible working/ separated service policy in place which makes life a lot easier.

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