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Morals or money? Help!

3 replies

Raintonrebel · 25/01/2020 21:03

Can I have some advice please.
My 16 year old daughter came to live with me after 6 years of me fighting through court with her narcissistic father (me ex husband). She finally had her eyes opened to his true nature and came to live with me last summer. We had contact etc but hes always used her to get to me. If she needed anything I took her shopping and we got it. (School shoes and clothes, new clothes, trainers... what have you).

Now... prom is approaching and she is getting all excited about it. We have bought her dress but I asked her to ask her dad if he would contribute towards other bits. Even just paying for her hair and make up would be a help. He said... 'no. She never contributed towards your upkeep so she can have a taste of her own medicine'. I'm fuming. If he hadn't had me blocked on every single messaging and social channels he only had to ask for money. If she needed anything I got it. I feel like he's still using her as a pawn... when all he's doing is making her more resentful.
He pretty much kept her as a prisoner at home and she was punished for the smallest thing. I asked what he would have done if she had still been living there and she said he just wouldn't have let her go.

I am now debating whether to teach the narcissistic git a lesson and put in a claim for maintenance, but I'm also worried he takes it out on her by refusing to see her cos I'm seen as stirring it. He has already lost contact with one of his other kids through his controlling ways.

I'm so stuck!! Help me... I've probably missed loads of info out this post so please feel free to fire questions.

OP posts:
DivGirl · 25/01/2020 23:43

Putting in a claim for maintenance isn't teaching him a lesson other than he should be contributing to the upkeep of his kids. Put in a claim regardless.

As for your daughter surely it's more fun to all get ready together? Or am I old and put of it?

Weenurse · 25/01/2020 23:46

Put in a claim

Raintonrebel · 26/01/2020 10:01

Hi. What do you mean by get ready together? She now lives further away from the town she goes to schoo in so has no friends close by so our plan was to get her hair and make up done and then she can do and spend time with her friends before they go to prom.
Having slept on this I'm a but calmer but still fuming that his answer was an outright no. Even a 'well I cant really afford much but I'll buy your shoes' would have been something.
He says he is still paying off his recent wedding which my daughter says is a lie as it was all paid for beforehand.
My main worry her is her getting the brunt of it if I put a claim in but I (and his kids) have spent the whole of our previous married life being scared of him and I need to get out of that!

OP posts:
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