How to be a better parent

[Lemonnhoney]

I have a 2.5 year old and 6 week newborn and i am finding it hard.

I know this is probably to be expected but i'm feeling rubbish about how i'm treating my 2 year old DS. I feel like i'm constantly telling him no and to not do things and generally telling him off and being negative.

He is playing up a lot more and being really annoying. Playfully hitting, being rough with me and the baby (not in an angry way though more excited), not listening, demaning things.

I know this is down to a lot of change for him and also that hes doing these things more and more because hes getting a (negative) reaction from me when he is doing them.

How do I break the cycle of him being soo annoying and me losing it with him. I want to be more positive and patient but im really struggling.

Help

Hes behaving like all 2.5yr olds..at 2.5 little ones cant express themselves so this behaviour is totally normal and with your latest addition his little world as hes known it has changed and he doesnt have the words to explain how he feels. I know you already know this and its easy for it to be said than done for us mums to stick to but the calmer you can be and try to ignore any naughty behaviour things will settle down..im sure your doing a great job and your hands are full..dont stress the little things..hes a lively toddler pushing the boundaries..the basics like "nice hands" and lots of praise and just ignore the little things.

Change your language. Instead of “no hitting” change to “kind and gentle hands please” etc. Say what you DO want to happen not what you don’t. So “let’s be nice and quiet Voices” rather than “stop shouting” etc... but also don’t be so hard on yourself either. It’s a tough transition for you too.
Have some cuddly story times and use the tv or iPad if you need to with no guilt. Try to use visitors to let you have time with the toddler- even if it’s doing some chores with them in tow and letting the visitor have baby cuddles.
Congratulations too!!

Pick your battles

Toddlers don't hear "don't" or "no" or "stop". Find something positive to say as an alternative and heap on the praise when you are listened to.

Accept any help you're offered. Do all of your shopping online (don't believe the budget supermarket hype: Tesco discount brands are just as cheap plus they deliver and you get Clubcard points!)

Don't be afraid to give yourself a timeout. Set a timer on your phone and go sit in another room for a minute. It'll help your toddler to understand timeouts are a genuine form of self-regulation.

Thank you for the replies.

I definitely say no, stop, dont ect way too much.

I am going to really try and change my language.

Yea i really appriciate 1 on 1 time with him now.. had lots of family help with people taking him out ect but it makes me feel guilty but also love the time to relax.

It’s so hard. I’m in the same boat and lose it on a daily basis! It will pass. Congratulations on your little one and stay strong xxx

My DD1 was same age when sibling arrived. It’s a really hard age. I remember feeling so many torn emotions as I wanted to give DD1 more of my time and to help her with this huge adjustment yet I was struggling to keep it together myself managing a baby. It’s really hard. All I can say is hang in there. It gets better. Try to pause each time before you react. If possible, find some humour to deal with the chaos. I used a lot of TV for DD1 at this time so I could get things done and it always made me feel bad and probably didn’t help her behaviour. I think the only thing that helped me in those early days was if my husband was around to entertain her for a while and even then I’d feel guilty I wasn’t doing it. Hang in there. It really does get better.

Thanks guys. Yes trying to get through it by knowing its not forever and will be worth it in the end.

Ive had a really lovely weekend and made a real effort to change my language around DS which has worked.. but yes KCpip my DH has been off work and helping so lets see how it goes in the morning lol

A tip I was told was to tell the baby to wait as well, so the toddler doesn't hear you just telling them to wait (if you're busy with the baby). Even if the baby is perfectly chilled out or asleep, say "baby, I am just doing x with toddler now so you'll have to wait."

Lots and lots of sensory play. Water/sand trough, play dough etc. Toddlers love it and it can be very calming for them and a way to deal with their emotions. I also gave my dd (when she was a toddler) sheets of coloured paper to rip into pieces for a pasting activity. She loved this. We ripped lots of little pieces into a shoebox, then with a pot of clag glue with a tiny dollop of pva mixed in we decorated old cereal boxes, cardboard toilet paper rolls, paper plates etc.

Also, get outside, go to the playground so he can play with other kids, burn off some energy.

Be kind to yourself too.

Using distraction and redirection instead of saying no. Redirect their attention from an activity you don't want them to do to something similar they are allowed to do. For example, if hitting: come and hit this play dough and see how it gets squashed or hit this drum listen to the sound it makes etc.