Stepson always unwell

[nancydrew89]

I'm concerned about my stepson. We have it every other weekend and 9 times out of 10 he's been unwell for some reason or the he's injured himself. I understand 3 year olds get unwell. I have a 4 year old myself - he rarely gets unwell. Should I be concerned that his mother isn't caring for him properly or am I being too sensitive. We unfortunately don't have any contact with mum due to a few reasons. But I am concerned something may be underlying or something is happening at home.

There is a limit on the tax credits/UC elemental of childcare it used to be 80% think that may have been reduced though.

FIL could just cut payments to 40% of full costs if she wants more for nursery then she will need to show him her financial claim etc. She will be screwed when he leaves nursery and all that extra money dries up...

I think you are right to be concerned OP. One thing you could do is to give him a vitamin supplement or at least calcium and vitamin d on the days he is with you.

@DivGirl @RandomMess @TARSCOUT I think she is claiming from tax credit and then getting more money from us. I have asked for invoices and if she doesnt show them soon we won't pay. I am going to ring the fraud line on monday aswell.

They are totally being fobbed off right? And I keep saying that. I keep telling them to stop paying nursery. She has a good life because they have topped her up for 2 years! Nursery fees are just about to drop because of the 900 hours but I think they should just stop paying now. But we think she will take him out and stop working. Nursery has been so good for him.

Just reduce what you pay.

You would DSS to stay at nursery, FIL can just say he can't afford the full amount anymore.

I understand that you don't like her and have concerns about her care of DSS but reporting her is spiteful and not in DSS best interests, just work out the approx amount of nursery costs and ask FIL to pay 30/40% of that as tax credits do not pay 100% of them.

Stopping altogether and/or reporting cones across as being vindictive. It will certainly stoke the animosity between her and DP which isn't good for DSS!

RandomMess isn't this supposed to be about the small child possibly being abused or neglected due to slower than expected growth and constant illness? In that context nobody who loves the child will do anything that could jeopardize him going to nursery as much as possible and having as much context as possible with the non resident parent.

Reducing payment before this is resolved could lead to retribution in the form of withholding contact or not paying for nursery with serious consequences for the child if he really is not being properly cared for by his mother.

Children living in deprivation of any kind (not just financial) are the ones who need to be in nursery full time, where they're fed, takes to, cleaned and observed by non family members who should have at least some safeguarding training.

*talked to not takes to

@ItWillBeBetterinAugust OP is talking about refusing to let FIL pay anything and report the Mum to HMRC and DWP!!!

I agree with you I would be doing what is needed to keep DC in nursery and focusing on checking out health concerns rather then retribution over Mum potential ripping off HMRC 🤷🏽‍♀️

nancydrew89 the money is not the priority is it? Do you believe your stepson is being abused or neglected and malnourished or do you want to pursue a financial vendetta?