Please tell me I’m not alone

[munchymoo]

I’ve posted on here before but things aren’t really improving. 17 week old DS2 EBF with some reflux which means I cant feed lying down and also needs to be held upright after feeds for some time. He’s still feeding every 2 hours and once fed he has 45 mins or so of deep sleep then an hour of wiggling and shuffling which I can’t sleep through.

So typical pattern is wake, feed, hold upright, get back down and then I lie awake as it takes me a while to fall asleep then just
as I’m nodding off he starts wriggling so I can’t sleep then he’s awake again for a feed. On repeat.

I have lots of support from DH who is happy to be involved at night although we also have a 3 yo DS1 who he is largely “on duty” for if he does wake. DH also takes them both at 6am for an hour so I can sleep.

Last night after 3 hours awake owing to the above cycle, I totally lost my sh*t and had to go into a different room and scream into a pillow with frustration. Then of course DH woke up and took over. I just lay sobbing in spare room. This is happening so often that now it’s almost like I worry that tonight I won’t get through more than a few hours without losing it.

I have no worries that I would ever hurt DS and always take myself to a different room so that’s not an issue. But I just have this enormous sense of failure. I have support and I still can’t cope with it all. I have friends who have no support from their DPs and they do it all so why can’t I?

I guess this post is not to ask for solutions. This too shall pass and they all sleep eventually. I’m just after some solidarity that I’m not alone. Does everyone end up shouting into a pillow / whatever at some point? It would help me so much to hear other mum’s stories to know I’m not the only one who gets to this point. Perhaps I’d feel like less of a failure compared to those mums who I perceive just do it all unsupported and cope better than I do.

OP poor you, there is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. I was similar to you when my LO was that age in that I really struggled to get back to sleep after night wakings. I would lie there obsessing over how long I would get to sleep before she woke up next and then not be able to sleep at all.

Is it the noise of the wriggling that wakes you up? Babies this age can be really noisy sleepers. The 2 things that helped me were not looking at my phone to occupy me during night feeds or even check the time and earplugs. The second was my saving grace really. I could still hear if she woke up and needed me for feed/comfort but they stopped me waking up for the ruffling around and snorty pig noises.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

This was my life 12 months ago (my baby is a year)

2 hour feeds, holiding up for an hour, etc

At 3.5 months I put him in bed next to me and he stopped shuffling instantly, then we got a sidecar got (ikea cot fixed on, not a next to me he didnt like that!) so I could lean over more.

It does pass, and I woke up lots saying I was ready to have him adopted, or I felt I would kill myself.

Sleep deprevation is the worst thing Ive been though (and I've had som eshit!!)

HUGS and it WILL PASSSSSSSSS

All my three children had severe reflux projectile vomiting and weight loss. It was awful for all of us. My husband would sit up with them after they were fed so I could sleep. During the day I used a Tula sling. I propped up their basket / cots. Some people say wrapping them up so they are secure helps but mine didn’t like it. Maybe you could express or mix feed so your husband could give them a bottle on one of the feeds so you could get a solid couple of hours. Are they on medication ranitidine worked for one of mine, omeprazole and ranitidine worked for the other two. I also started weaning mine as early as I could I’m not sure if it helped or not but it felt better to try it. If you need to scream into a pillow and it helps go for it. Mine are 6,4 and 2 and eat well and are reflux free. Take lots of moments in the day to sit eat and drink.

You're absolutely not alone. I have the occasional 'good' night with my six week old DD but they're few and far between; mostly we're on a two hour cycle. Expressing and asking DH to give her a couple of bottles of expressed milk during the night saved my sanity - I really think you should consider this, it helps a lot.

Hang in there . . . I'm told it gets better and that's what I'm clinging to . . .

Thanks so much guys, really glad to hear I'm not alone.

I would try ear plugs but he needs my hand on his tummy the entire time otherwise he wakes up, so even if I can't hear him with plugs in I can still feel the shuffling!!

we did bedshare until he was 6 weeks, which was brilliant as I was getting enough sleep, but now with the reflux he can't sleep on a flat surface so if in my arms he will just shuffle, wiggle then wake himself up being sick :-(

I think I need to get DH to give a bottle of expressed milk.

I think what gets me is people saying I'm "so lucky" to have a DH that gets involved....meanwhile I'm thinking that if he didn't (eg letting me sleep for an hour in the morning or taking over at night when I've had a meltdown) then I would totally not cope at all. Then I compare myself and feel a failure. This is what is really bugging me. I know that how me and DH parent at night is no one else's business but the sense of failure, however misplaced (and it surely is misplaced as I don't think anyone else is a failure for having support at night!), is what I'm really struggling with.

Oh gosh yes don't worry you'll get through this and it will be a distant memory before you know it.

I remember saying to my OH that I don't want her anymore in the middle of the night in tears after what felt like the millionth wake up. He would sometimes take her downstairs to sleep in her moses basket so I could sleep and I'd lay there feeling awful/like a failure that he'd done that when he had work the next day and i didn't.

Do you know what is causing the reflux?

I was in exactly the same place and my God it is hard. My DS's reflux went when we figured out it was a combo of tongue tie and undiagnosed CMPA.

Is he on any medication OP? Ds2 had silent reflux. I had an 18 month old when he was born and a useless husband who did sod all, ever. When ds2 was 3 weeks old I cried and wailed at the Dr. He gave me gaviscon which very nearly tipped me over the edge (used it with ds1, much milder reflux, absolute sodding nightmare and utterly useless).

I honestly thought I'd have some sort of mental breakdown. I went back 2 days later, different gp, prescribed ranitidine. It was amazing. Ds2 was so much more comfortable after the first day. I no longer had to sit up awake holding him up so he could sleep. It was like a miracle.

@Nottalotta no he’s not on any medication, like you I tried gaviscon but it was such a faff!! He’s not in pain, no colic etc so I presumed that it wasn’t silent reflux? Is it still worth trying ranitidine if he’s not in any obvious pain?

I call it reflux - I think it is, he brings up a lot of milk after feed if I lie him down and can’t sleep on flat surface but doesn’t cry when milk comes up....

You’re not alone. I have a meltdown everyone now and then and have a relative easy baby and supportive husband. Babies, all babies, are hard work in their own way and it can get a bit much sometimes!

For what it’s worth I had a “happy spitter” reflux baby and it more or less stopped around the 6-7 month mark. It seems like forever when you’re in it (the bibs, the muslins, the changes of clothes!) but it will most likely improve v soon x

It's worth a try. My first didn't sleep but the lack of sleep with ds2 was off the scale, and he'd sleep if I held him on my chest.

The difference was outstanding, and the amount of ranitidine you need to give is SO much less than the gaviscon, so it's easier to get in..

That sounds like my DS. Just wouldn't settle but not howling. Different baby after 24 hours dairy free.

Also the ranitidine did definitely help my DS.