Does anyone else 'miss' their baby

[Tallilah]

My DS is now 12 months and we had a rocky start in NICU, I couldnt get breastfeeding to happen, and as I gather from lots of other people lol the newborn stage is pretty weird with hormones and things.

He as a January baby and I always thought when it was July and my stitches werent sore anymore and I would go out alot more.

That never happened as I was so anxious about it all we stayed in too much, but he had reflux and in the day fed every day 2 hours, and after a choking/hopsital stay at 12 weeks I held him upright for .... 7 months! He did sleep in a cot flat but all his night feeds we held him for ages before putting down ...

Anyway long stroy is I just wishes the year away, I wanted to stop bottle feeding, for the reflux to go away and to be able to live life with a robust human not a helspless baby.

Well now I have what I want and I am so annoyed I worried so much about everything, I have all my texts over the year and cant beleive what silly questons I asked each of my friends.

Also things like, I wont need to sterilize bottles, I dont need to search for a pram, I feel like its all over! Such an anti-climax.

Due to fertlity issues he is our only, so I cant do it again anyway.

But yes, its annoyoing I was too messed up for months from one thing and another to enjoy it, altough I have millions of lovely pics of him asleep on me, I held him close for so long.

He prefers toys now

Sounds like you had a tough start OP, don't be too rough on yourself. I think that's just parenthood - constantly looking for the next stage and then being upset about the stages that have gone!

My DS has recently turned 2. I found it hard around his first birthday but this past year has been such a joy watching him grow and develop so much.

Aw bless you, don't be so hard on yourself, you say you have had to pretty much hold your baby for the first 7 months of your baby's life, that's 7 months of lovely snuggly cuddles, which I'm sure your little boy has loved. Xxx

I bore my DH with photos of DC this day last year, 2 years ago etc etc. Looking through photos helps. And you'll enjoy the next stage, and the one after. I keep thinking my toddler is getting cuter until I look at photos of her as a baby and realise how gorgeous she was back then, now I can't decide which I prefer as it's all lovely.

I know exactly what you mean. I completely wished away the first year and even regretted having him. Now he’s the absolute light of my life and I feel so guilty I didn’t manage to enjoy him as a small baby. I’d love the chance to try again but can’t have anymore children.

@Tallilah I feel your pain! My little one is only 4 months but I spent the first month of her life in hospital and a lot of the time since still recovering so I haven't been 100% the mum I imagined I'd be. Trips out have often been accompanying me to hospital appts etc and I'm only starting to get her to baby classes next at the end of this month.
I feel like the time is slipping away, I've been on mat leave for almost 5 months now and yet dont feel I've had the proper new mum experience yet.
I cant face putting myself through it all again so this little one will be our only child too so I sympathise with how you're feeling 💕

Thanks all, glad I'm not going mad. I do wonder if second time around, as long as things like hospitals and such dont happen, if it is easier.

I guess the intense time was the first 6 weeks, I picked his room (not sued now he still with us!) and it was the smallest room of the house, I literally sat in the rocking chair for all that time.

I did that because our bedroom is on the party wall and I thought I had to hide his noise away. So I literally imprisoned myself in that room with the changing table and moses basket and one day my DH moved it all into our bedroom, 3 times the size and it felt like I was in a wilderness it was so big. I literally sat rocking watching catch up 'GP's behind closed doors'

My head was all over the place, with 2 hours sleep a night, but now I look back fondly, I didnt put my baby down to hoover all bloody day. I held him close after his foirst week meant nurses changed my babies nappy and fed him milk when I wasnt there.

You know what, typing all that out, I actually made choices and most of the time enjoyed them.

Hugs to all new mums out there who may read.

Hugs to you. Very normal!

Also... focus on now!