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Parenting

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Original poster

What would you do - stay at state primary or go to private prep?

47 replies

3sEnough · 31/08/2007 08:16

Hi - I have a conundrum (a nice one as they go!) My ds is a lovely, chatty, sensitive lad - emotionally quite young and with a small speech comprehension problem. He has some good friends at his current state primary (which is fabulous and one of the 'best' in the county according to Offsted)and has settled in really well after being appalling from a social and academic sense for the first year. The school were and are fabulous with him. He is about to go into Y3. He has the opportunity to go to an equally good private prep school and could go back a year (he's just had his birthday), which I feel would help on several levels - maturity, confidence etc. The classes would be almost halved in size, the facilities are amazing, etc, etc. My problem in essence is that I can't see my way past his current school as he and I love it, he's really happy and I have some pretty rotten memories of primary school - constant bullying (we're pretty similar at this age) I am petrified that he'll go to this new school and have problems. Should I send him if I have the opportunity or should I leave it well alone? P.S. The schooling is associated with my dh job, so ds would eventually HAVE to enter the private sector no matter what. I'm going round in circles!!!

OP posts:

ghosty · 01/09/2007 23:24

I wouldn't have sent my children to the private school that I taught at (or is that 'at which I taught'? )
A because I wouldn't want them in that environment (pressure all the way - serious Prep School) and
B despite the 'discount' we still couldn't have afforded it.

In fact, ONLY the headteacher's children went there ... they didn't have a mortgage as they lived on site in a flat provided with the job

Original poster

3sEnough · 02/09/2007 08:18

Thanks guys for the messages. Yes, we had been pretty worried about the 'child at same school as us' issue for a while, but we REALLY won't be able to get around it - it will be a senior position(!) My ds is on an action 2 for the speech problem, but the problem is dropping off a great deal now so I suspect that he may not be classed as SN for much longer. Bl..dy hell I'm confused!

OP posts:

LIZS · 02/09/2007 09:33

ghosty, think that might have changed a bit since your day (assuming we are talking of same school ), lol, there are a fair few now ! How long since you left ? Do I understand your SIL still works there ?!

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Beetroot · 02/09/2007 09:44

what is the private school like? Is is a gentle, arty school or a high flying academic one?

Will it nurture your child in the way that his current one does.

I moved dd from a state to primary, even though the school was fab , she was very happy etc etc - she had to go earlier than her brothers as logistics were a nightmare. She is flying here, the music and drama side are giving her great joy.

What things would he benefit from at the private one?

Beetroot · 02/09/2007 09:45

Ghosty some of the discounts are fabuous these days!!

ghosty · 02/09/2007 11:29

Oh ... LIZS, do we know eachother?? [paranoid]
Do you know the school? Yes my SIL still works there ...
Intrigued now, who ARE you????

Do your children go there?

ghosty · 02/09/2007 11:31

I left in 2002.

motherinferior · 02/09/2007 11:31

If you're happy where you are, stay. Spend the spare money on gin.

ghosty · 02/09/2007 11:33

I suppose it depends on the school Beety ...
but in both private schools I have worked at the fees for staff changed from FREE to discounts over time ...
so, old time staff were still Free but new staff only had discount IYSWIM

LIZS · 02/09/2007 11:36

Worry not ! We only joined in 2005, so would have missed you. However your SIL may "know" either or both dcs!

ghosty · 02/09/2007 13:20

cool ...
How did you know who I was though [intrigued]

FWIW ... I was happy there, and enjoyed teaching there, very much. But motherhood kind of changed my outlook ... I was happy to move to NZ and become a WAHM when the opportunity came

LIZS · 02/09/2007 13:37

You've hinted previously about it over the years, so I suppose it gradually became identifiable enough to those who might have a direct connection but don't worry we could n't possibly know you specifically, let alone "out" you. By that token even if you trawl through my posts there are probably several families which might fit the bill ! dc's love it there btw even if it is a bit of a financial blackhole

ghosty · 02/09/2007 13:45

Oh I am glad they are happy there ... it is a lovely place to be - nice environment and all that and I do miss the history of it. My friends here can't believe I spent every day in a building that was built in the 1600s lol
One of my favourite people in the whole world is the Head of Sport (is that still his title? I know things changed in teh PE department since I left) ... the welsh one .... One of the world's fab people - heart of gold and a truely dedicated teacher. A good friend to me and DH ...
And of course, my SIL is fab too
Give the old place a wave for me when they go back next week
And thanks for not outing me, I changed my name a while back because of a busy body (not connected to school) who decided to email me to tell me she 'knew' me ... I like being ghosty so don't want to change again

ghosty · 02/09/2007 13:46

Please ignore my pants grammar and spelling though ("truely"? )
I was a good teacher, honest ...

LIZS · 02/09/2007 13:54

lol I'll smile at the whole school photos from early 2000's next time I pass , even though I won't have a clue which is you !

ghosty · 02/09/2007 13:59

1996 - 2002
Taught Year 4 from '96 until 2000 and then taught Drama throughout the school from 2000 until I left.
Headteacher's DD was in my class '96 - '97 ... not much pressure for my first year LOL ... she was fab though. She's prob at Uni now. Oh god, now I feel old

Judy1234 · 02/09/2007 14:36

There waa house of lords case called Pepper v Hart, a rare victory for the tax payer which said that as long as the school charged the marginal cost of the teachers' child occupying that seat then it was not a taxable benefit for the teacher. I think it was held that 15% of fees met that criteria. We knew a couple of teachers where they had 3 childre at the prep school my ex taught at and then at 13+ they went to a leading public school their mother or father, the other parent taught at - free education virtually from 4 - 18. Those schools also provided accommodation for staff too. So the pay package in a sense is free education for any number of children in the private sector, holidays free (and many of those teachers do another job in the holidays) plus no mortgage or rent to pay until you retire at 65. You can see why some teachers are enticed into the private sector. And thus you get better teachers there etc etc

It's a big perk but not all schools do. The school my daughter was at gave teachers a fairly minimal nominal discount 10% off or something which would put it out of the pocket of many teachers.

Original poster

3sEnough · 03/09/2007 08:21

Hi guys

Beetroot - it's an academic one but with a pretty 'all-round' development' feel to it (IYSWIM) They have lots of SN input (although you pay for it!!) but my ds has had a tutor for a year now to try and get him up to speed on the basics (to get over the speech issues) and she is also a SN tutor at this prep school - she was all in favour of not sending him this year (quote - he would have struggled) He is now though wonderfully average after the sats results which is above where the school had predicted (good lad!) He just seems to blossom with 1-1 and that's the complicating factor - I suspect that the smaller class sizes would really help.

OP posts:

LIZS · 03/09/2007 13:44

If he is average on his SATS you probably don't need to try to put him back a year - the smaller classes should ensure he copes happily. Ours is an "all-rounded" school but as you can tell frm ghosty's posts there is a subtext of academic excellence ! What does the tutor say now ?

ghosty your early parents' evenings must have been interesting !

Original poster

3sEnough · 03/09/2007 16:32

Hi - no - we would def. put him back a year as it's too late to send him in the 'correct year' now and I don't want him to start in the second year.

OP posts:

LIZS · 03/09/2007 16:51

sorry I don't understand - we've had a few children join in Year 4 (2nd year prep) although the main influx was at Year 3. Are they really open to putting an academically "average" child back , it is pretty exceptional in ours?

Original poster

3sEnough · 03/09/2007 17:31

Hi Lizx - yes they're fine about it. My ds is a very late b-day (I was due in September) and because he is emotionally (and was academically) quite immature with a slight speech problem they're happy for him to go back. If we had thought he could have coped in his year we would have sent him this year.

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