Toddler starting daycare

[HarryHarry]

My 21 month old boy started daycare a couple of weeks ago. He is starting on 3 half days a week, 9-12. I don’t work at the moment but I want him to go to daycare for several important reasons, not least that I need to focus on his 3 month old sister, who otherwise would hardly get any attention.

I think it’s going well so far. I mean, he cries when I leave but no more than any other child. The problem is that he now will not sleep anywhere except in my arms. When I bring him home after lunch, he is exhausted but it seems like he is afraid to go to sleep in case I “abandon” him. He will be completely passed out in my arms but then stiffen up as soon as I try to put him down and become hysterical. He doesn’t do this at night when his dad puts him to bed. I know it’s just a phase but does anybody else have experience of this? What should I do?

Bump

I don’t have any direct experience of that because I’ve never let mine nap in my arms, but when my DD started nursery a few months ago, she refused to nap for the first week or 2 on school days (2 mornings a week). I think it was a similar thing. Overstimulated and anxious about being separated.

I just kept with her nap routine in her cot and she was completely back to normal within a week or so. I’m sure if I’d let her nap on me then that’s what she would want to do every time

My DD still cries at drop off every time, but stops as soon as I leave (I can hear from the hallway) and has a great time.

Sorry that wasn’t meant to sound judgemental! We all do what we have to do to survive! I’d just stick with your normal nap routine and hopefully he will settle down soon

She still cries every day after a few months? They told me it would take him 2-4 weeks to stop crying at drop off but it hasn’t happened yet!

I don’t let him nap in my arms. He starts falling asleep (and sometimes does actually pass out completely) as I’m cuddling him and carrying him to his cot. Then he goes crazy when I put him down.

Did your daughter seem anxious or just normal? My son doesn’t show any signs of being anxious except for at drop off and at naptime. When I pick him up for example he just looks at me blankly and then runs off to show me something.

Personally, I'd just go with it for now if you're able to. My DD is like this sometimes when she's unwell. Sleeps fine overnight but sometimes for naps she wants to be cuddled, and I'm happy to do it. I just set myself up with phone, Kindle and a drink and just let her sleep. It's a lot of change for him so he might just want a bit of cuddles.

If you can't have him sleeping on you, then you might just have to persevere with putting him in his cot. Have you tried doing that and stroking him, singing to him, etc?

Yes all of the above but it’s difficult with the newborn to care for too.

I had similar with DD - singing at her while retreating from the room seemed to sort it.

Yes she still cries. I wish she didn’t, but she does! She started in October when she turned 2. She’s way more clingy to me than my DS ever was, and shy, so I just put it down to her personality. Once I’m out of sight she’s totally fine (I can hear from the corridor) and they send me photos of her laughing etc during the day and she’s always happy at pick up, and isn’t desperate to leave. My DS pretty much ran off to play without a backward glance at that age (to the same nursery, he’s there too when she is and I thought that would help, but no) so I guess they’re all different!

Yes she definitely seemed more anxious in general after those first few times. I felt really bad about it. but she has got over that and is normal now apart from the drop off.

Probably having a newborn isn’t helping much either, it’s most likely all connected! I’d just give him a bit longer to settle and try and make sure he gets some one on one time with you every day - not easy I know

Well I got him to take a nap by letting him lie on top of me and then sliding out from under him! I am sure it’s a phase, I just wish I knew how long it will last and that it’s not doing any permanent damage. He seemed kind of traumatised today and it scares me!