Sleepovers

[Octo88]

My in laws are persistently suggesting more time with my child and hoping for an overnight stay and even a holiday abroad with my child in the future years. The whole topic gives me anxiety. They live 3 hours drive away and they stay with us for 3 days every 4-6 weeks or so, so far. I wouldn’t feel comfortable sending my child to their home, so far away, definitely not abroad. They only ever bring it up to my husband, while I’m not around - they likely have an idea that I would shut them down anyway, but find this quite manipulative. They drink excessive amounts of alcohol and constantly compare their parenting journey to mine - literally sucking the joy out of living in our moments. They play a game of control, and I struggle with trust and confidence in them.... Am I being too conservative or thinking prematurely by saying no to the sleepovers unless emergencies, or maybe re-consider from the age of 8/9 when they’ll start asking for sleepovers anyway... I find it really weird as I never had sleepovers with my grandparents and I had very loving involved day to day grandparents too! I would at some point agree to a babysitting sleepover in our own home, because I know my child will feel secure in familiar comforting surroundings. Am I being selfish by saying no to holidays abroad at all, unless it’s with us the parents?! Its such a big deal taking someone’s child to another country, I don’t feel comfortable with that at all.

Anyone here with older children might be able to share some wise words on managing long distance grandparents that are quite demanding?! Or going through similar thing? Please tell me if I’m being too reserved about how I’m feeling.

The drinking would be the only dealbreaker for me. My DC have stayed with DH's parents since they were about 3...I had no issue with it because DC adore DH's Mum and Dad...especially his Mum...so to foster that relationship was important.

But she didn't drink heavily.

How old are your DC?

If over 6 then I think I'd offer the babysitting at yours option...don't be drawn into the whys and wherefores...just stick with that.

We see my parents about the same as you see your in laws, they also live the same distance away. My dd has had sleepovers with them and had a lovely time, since she was 15 months old.

However, my parent's dog bit my dd on holiday last year. It didn't do any lasting damage physically but we're all mentally scarred and I won't have dd at their house without me while the dog is still around, even though it's now muzzled.

If your in laws are alcoholic control freaks, of course you don't want to leave them in charge of your dc! I wouldn't leave them in charge of my keys, let alone my child.

You don't have to let you child sleep anywhere you're not comfortable with and you don't need to explain yourself to them either. You dont like their lifestyle choices and it could potentially negatively affect your DC. Just say no. Goes for babysitting and holidays too. Your DC, your choice.