Am I being unfair parent to my children - and what should I do? (a bit long, sorry)

[Clary]

See here's the thing. None of my children (8, 6, 4) have a Playstation or gameboy or DS or anything. They play games on the computer sometimes and DS2 in partic (4yo) would play knights games all day if I let him (I don't).

The reason I suppose is that (in common with most of you I guess) I'd rather they played football outside etc than sat in front of a computer. We have never had anything like that here before they were born either.

Also they don't really know much about pop that they are supposed (?) to like. We have CDs on in the car and DD (6yo) in partic has quite an ear but it's as likely to be The Beatles and Frank as anything more errm modern.

So if DD is asked (in a quiz in a comic for eg) to name her fave pop band, she's at a loss.

So is this a bad thing? Should I in fact get DS something (what?). A pal of his was round today and at one point asked "Have you got a PS2?" to which DS1 replied no, they are boring. hmmm.

And should I be letting DD know about, well, who exactly? Doesn't help that I'm more likely to listen to Radio 4 than Radio 1 (maybe R2 at a pinch).
I know people who take their kids to see
pop bands - not bothered about that but my point is that I wouldn't know who anyway!

Am I making them miss out on their cultural heritage? And if so what if anything should I do?

I realise that this is hardly a major problem, but I'm a bit bothered about it so TIA for all advice.

Clary follow your instincts. Mine are 14, 12, 8 and 3. None have ever had a gameboy or playstation etc. It's only in the last year or even 6 months that the 2 oldest boys have started taking an interest in music. Even so my oldest would say his favourite was Bob Dylan or REM above most modern bands.

I'd add that mine are all happy, popular at school, academically successful (well not the 3yo !) and really normal, in that they're not at all geeky, just happy in their own skins.

Do they actually want any of it?

I'm all for resisting as long as possible until I finally cave in to the whinging, demanding and sobbing. Hopefully when they are about 14.

Like you, am hoping to establish more of an interest in sport/creative/musical interests before they disappear into their bedrooms with a Gameboy or whatever they are.

Mine are a bit younger, so am probably not very realistic!

I don't think you have to 'let them know' about current pop music. I don't remember ever actually playing current pop music to my two, they just picked up the names of current pop stars etc at school - Spice Girls/Five/Steps/B*witched/Aqua. (We still have a copy of Fresh Hits 98, which DD got for Christmas that year)

Fortunately they have moved on a bit from that & are now into punk-folk, punk-ska & various indie bands, totally uninfluenceed by us, while DH & I carry on with our 70's style folk!

You have a DD who is 6. I predict that within 2 or 3 years your DD will know who all the good bands are. They find out by osmosis. Or myspace. Possibly both.

Your musical tastes will be TOTALLY irrelevant btw, except perhaps as a standing joke.

I say this as a confirmed Radio 4er (Radio 2? Wassat?) who would no more dream of taking my children gigging than flying to the moon.

They will find out about contemporary culture, if they want to, when they are older. Your situation sounds fine to me.

they will find out about music in their own time...

My mum was always v. anti pop/rock music, only ever played classical but I used to listen to the radio a lot (obv when I was a bit older than your 3)

Message withdrawn

Thanks for responses. No I really don't want to buy a games console but don't want to make DS1 a social outcast either (the other 2 are too young IMHO tho a pal is buying her DD a DS for Christmas - she will be just 5).

We bought DS1 Star Wars DVDs the other year because he wanted to play Star Wars with his friends and didn't know what it was...

Not that he watches them very often tbh. DS2 is more keen. His fave thing the other day was playing Star Wars on the computer ("But mumm yit was on a TV!" yeeeess) at a cousin's house. Not getting him a PS2 tho.

Hmm maybe I'll just go with the flow for a while. Might buy DD some kind of dance party thing for Christmas stocking maybe.

Message withdrawn

when i was a kid we were forced to listen to Radio 2 (and in those days it was dire) and were fed a catalogue of cheesy country and western music and my dad wouldn't let us watch TOTP. We survived and went our own way musically when we were old enough so no harm done. And now, i actually like cheesy country and western, but also the more folky/bluesy stuff.

....and in a few years when your DCs school friends are discovering all these old artists, your DCs will have been listening to them all their lives and will be cool beyond belief in the eyes of their mates!

We too are trying to resist the dreaded games console and so far DS (5) doesnt know how to switch the computer on, or even use the TV remote controls.

hurlyburly lol at flying to the moon with them.

I understand what you mean. I had a converstation with DS1, 10, and he told me in school they had done a 'fun' quiz and he couldn't answer loads of the questions because it was about X Factor and all the other talent type shows.

I did have a bit of a wobble and thought Oh I really an going to have to start watching this type of TV but then he never said anything about it again and like someone else said if it was that important to him to know this kind of stuff he would mither to watch it.

I can see this issue coming for us. We don't even have a TV - didn't have one pre-children and really don't see why we should get one (along with all the concomitant cost, potential stress and hassle) due to potential fitting-in-in-the-playground issues.

I don;t feel that my early exposure to "Tie A Yellow Ribbon" in any way stunted my appreciation of contemporary music as an adolescent....

Do what feels right for you and oour children.

DD does have a small gameboy advance and some games, chosen by me. But this was partially for our conveiniece. She's an only child and it can sometimes get boring for her at meals out, etc. so the GBA is ideal when the adults and drinking wine nattering on at the end. Gives her soemthing extra to do as well as reading and drawing. Soemtimes useful in car on long journeys, as is the portable DVD player - again probably more likely as she has no other hild to talk with int he car.

DD does like her music. She listens to our music and her own music. She has the Pop Junior CDs for a while but this past year has gotten really into High School Musical, which is still top choice in our house. Not sure there are any younger pop bands about at the moment - none that I have picked up on.

DD only uses her GBA very occasionally - she will always chose other stuff to do at home and with friends. She is far more likely to be playing imaginery games or reading/writing than her GBA. But for us it has its uses.

If what you do know currently works, stick with it. No doubt in a couple of years or so things will start to hange as they get older. Enjoy it while you can.

LOL @ Radio 2 - DD sings the jongles

Oh aand the DS we have is mine!!!

I really shouldn't worry. My parents were fusty old bores (I am definitely not implying that you are like this!), but I was quite an edgy and cool kid. Obviously a boring old fart now however....

I didn't know much about popular culture growing up because my mum wasn't into it. She listened to Radio 4 and introduced me to classic novels such as Jane Eyre, history documentaries etc.
I think this gave me an advantage over my peers who were not exposed to any of this stuff at home. It will be easy for them to find out about contemporary culture when they are ready.
I knew very little about it aged 8 and got into pop music etc when I was just into my teens.

I imported tons of stuff onto my iPod and play it on shuffle. Thing is DS is now singing the Red Hot Chilli Pepper's songs "Snow" and "Charlie" to himself. He is happy thinking he is singing about the weather and a boy bless him!

That said, his favourite music was Aaron Copeland - Billy the Kid - rousing classical!

Yes Hula I think we need to get High School Musical.

I guess it's true that they would mither for it, tho they are not particularly prone to pester me for stuff.

Maybe I'm OK on the PS2 etc for a bit but I think we need to make a move towards some new CDs for the car. For me as much as them lol.

Thanks for all input!