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Parenting

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Original poster

2 YEAR OLD REFUSING TO GET IN HIS CAR SEAT :((((

56 replies

tootiredtocare1111 · 21/01/2020 13:21

My 2-year-old has always loved to be in the car seat – always got in fine etc. Over the last 4 weeks, I do not know what has changed but he kicks screams battles fights to get in the car seat, he is so strong as well I do not want to force him in, I have tried teddies, iPad, chocolate buttons, books, they have worked once, but novelty has worn off and I just do not know what to do. I dread going anywhere! He is the same in Nanny’s car, and my Husbands car. Anyone have any ideas? At my absolute wits end. It can take us up to one hour of battles to get him in. Once he is in, its like nothing ever happened apart from I am stressed beyond belief

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Original poster

tootiredtocare1111 · 21/01/2020 16:26

My son is a tall lad he is strong and strong willed and he will not , I mean will not get in his car seat. He arches his back constantly , if I push him in and hold him down he flings his arms out arches his back again, if it really was that simple I think
I would have conquered it by now ! If I pin him down anymore I will hurt him. Sorry I refuse to do hurt my son.

OP posts:

GrumpyHoonMain · 21/01/2020 16:27

Force him in.

LadyPenelope68 · 21/01/2020 16:28

He's 2. It's not "forcing" him, it's being firm, he gets put in the seat (hold him in if necessary( and steapnhim in. No discussions, no persuading, no bribes. It's a necessity, no pandering to him, end of.

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2 year olds Behaviour & development Families General parenting

RandomWok · 21/01/2020 16:31

There is no magical way to get them in. You have to put them in. I'm sorry that the answers you are getting are not what you want to hear but he is 2, you are an adult. Both my kids did this, it's a stage they grow out of it especially if you do not pander to it.

DotBall · 21/01/2020 16:32

Sorry I refuse to do hurt my son

Well you’re not driving anywhere with him anytime soon then, are you?

We’ve all had to put them in and shove their arms in the straps while they’re arching their backs, it’s a phase all toddlers seem to go through. No point discussing or reasoning with him, he hasn't built the brain structures to be able to do that yet.

You’re likely to have to pin him down with one arm and use the other for strapping him in.

foamrolling · 21/01/2020 16:35

Seatoski's method is what I would always use and no toddlers were ever injured. I made the arm straps really long so I could get them over their arms easily and used my knee to keep their bottoms in the right place. Even if they arch their backs if their bottoms stay in the right place, once you tighten the straps they're are gently pushed into position.

I would always try all the gentle stuff first though, no point battling if you can do it nicely.

CallofDoodee · 21/01/2020 16:40

We made sure to never have more than one stop. So drive to destination, drive back. More than two entries into car seat in a single day meant we were setting our selves up for misery. We also stayed home a lot. For a funeral, we took two cars because we knew the multiple stops would be a problem. That way DH whose family member it was got to places on time at least.

Jesus, you are joking, right?

Why are people so scared to parent their own children these days? An hour to get into a car seat? An hour?!

Drabarni · 21/01/2020 16:40

You are making a rod for your own back with the bribes, cut it out, not a good way to parent.
Pick him up, put in the seat, hold firmly and strap in, no negotiation required.

user1493494961 · 21/01/2020 16:41

Stay home then or walk.

corduroyal · 21/01/2020 16:41

We have a car seat that revolves, much easier to get a reluctant kid into. You really can't stand by the car all day, especially once you have other kids.

Drabarni · 21/01/2020 16:43

Why are people so scared to parent their own children these days?

They can't because they never see the kids, they're raised by nannies and nurseries
Bet the nanny/nursery manage putting kids in cars and parenting them

Tfgjiknfr · 21/01/2020 16:43

One of my kids did this and I forced him in. I gave him three clear warning. I was calm but clear. Then I did it. He wasn't a tantrum'y kid generally and he was usually well behaved. He is grown up now and has always been a lovely mellow lad. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Fighting with him for an hour sounds awful. He must be bored senseless!! I think you are dragging out the 'battle' and making it worse. I don't know how you have the time or patience.
What will you do when he decides he doesn't want to do something butvyiu don't have time to 'negotiate' with him.

Orangesandlemons123 · 21/01/2020 16:43

Tootiredtocare1111 I'm sorry you're having trouble. I've been there and I too couldn't force my then 2 year old into the car. From my experience forcing them in made everything so much worse. Strangely just one day my 2 year old flipped back to being absolutely fine about the car seat. There is hope! I just wanted to say I hear what you're saying and it's tough. It's not about "not parenting your child" if you can't get them in.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 21/01/2020 16:46

Probably a wind up. OP is too busy looking for a fight rather than discuss her problem.

LazyFace · 21/01/2020 16:47

One you get him to bend, you hold his upper body with your elbow/upper arm that's turned upward while you're doing the straps.

I bet if you had to go to work every morning you'd find a way.
I had to do this with the car, pushchair. Thankfully not every day though.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/01/2020 16:47

its awful isnt OP- i try a bribe but after a while Im forcing my LO in. It seems horrible but if I had an emergency, or another child to collect Id have to find a way

AiryFairyMum · 21/01/2020 16:52

Has his body shape changed so the seat has become uncomfortable? We had this with DD at the same age, and she was really struggling/screaming, where she hadn't in the past. We went for a fitting at an independent car seat shop and it turned out that while she was still the right weight and height for her seat, her body had changed shape. The bit between her legs was cutting into her. We had to buy a new seat, which wasn't cheap (particularly as we want to keep her rearward facing), but straight away we noticed a difference. Now she's back to jumping into the car.

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 21/01/2020 16:53

is the seat still comfortable?

AiryFairyMum · 21/01/2020 16:57

Also, the crotchpad helped. We'd lost the original so ordered a new one and it softened the impact of the buckle. I can understand why she was reluctant to get in when it really hurt. It wasn't tight when we felt, but her weight was pushing her down onto the hard buckle, which must have been awful for her. Major mum guilt!

CallofDoodee · 21/01/2020 16:58

Once he is in, its like nothing ever happened apart from I am stressed beyond belief

The thing is then, you are actually causing him to be unhappy for way longer than if you just took a deep breath and pinned him in. You are letting him escalate and mess around totally unnecessarily.

Kids want boundaries, they want to know that their parents are capable and are going to take control of a situation, it makes them feel secure. By letting him get into a state over a car seat for an hour you are not giving him this message, especially if you are then stressed out afterwards.

You dont have to hurt him - have the strategy planned (eg lengthen the straps or whatever) distract for a second and then just take control and do it.

AudacityOfHope · 21/01/2020 17:02

Clearly you plan on staying in a lot. In a house that's ruled by a tiny dictator.

Savingshoes · 21/01/2020 17:03

Not sure if it is helpful but there was a thread about a year ago of a toddler that kept un buckling their car seat and parent was having to pull over every 5 minutes to redo.
Someone posted a photograph of how they would put a shirt over them backwards and button up at back (like a straight jacket?) To stop them coming out.

BertieBotts · 21/01/2020 17:06

This is a really, really good read. No forcing, no hurting, but no waiting around for hours either. That is not good for him or you, and it's not fair on anyone.

www.janetlansbury.com/2012/01/car-seat-tantrums-handled-with-respect/

BertieBotts · 21/01/2020 17:08

Whatever you do, do not be tempted to "compromise" by letting him sit in the seat with his arms out or with the straps incorrectly loosened or anything like this - it would be absolutely lethal if you were to be involved in an accident :(

AiryFairyMum · 21/01/2020 17:12

If his arms are escaping, you can buy a little device which fastens straps higher up so he can't escape.

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