Starting back at work after maternity - lack of sleep

[Sianholby]

Hi all
I'm due to start back at work full time next week after being on maternity leave for a year and I'm dreading it. My commute is 45-1 hour on a motorway and my daughter will be at a nursery full time.

My main worry is going back to work on not much sleep. My little one is nearly 13 months and is waking every two hours from her bed time at 7pm to 6am in the morning. Sometimes it takes over an hour to get her back to sleep again, then she will wake less than two hours later.

I'm shattered and not sure how I can do a full time job on top of this as I currently nap when she does at home. working part time isn't an option as we need the money but I'm not sure how I can maintain a commute and full time job on about 3 hours sleep a night.

i'm sure a lot of you mummies must do this too - any advice or tips?

Can you share wake ups with your partner?
Lots of working parents cosleep.

What have you tried with your DD's sleep? Do you have any sense what the issues seem to be?

The advice on work is kind of just, you cope as you can. Cosleep if that helps, take the train and nap on that. Nap at lunchtime in the car. Hold it together by the tips of your fingers. But ultimately if at all possible you'll have to get your DD sleeping better. Have you considered a sleep consultant? Might she be suitable for sleep training? When it gets to the point of threatening your health and livelihood then sometimes you need to put your own needs first.

I started work full time when DD1 was 8 weeks. EBF so couldn't share wake ups (would have done if we could afford to FF). It was hellish, but I did manage it. My adcice from wgat worked for us:
Get incredibly organised so you can get up and go easily in the morning.
Any big jobs at work should be done before lunch.
Go to bed early
Co-sleep
DH does literally all household jobs if he's doing no night wakings.

This issue - working full-time and genuinely worrying I could kill myself or someone else on my commute - was why we got a sleep consultant and did gentle sleep training. It was transformative. I know it doesn't work for everyone - I think we were lucky that it worked quickly and easily - but I think it's very much worth a try.

If you are with babies dad, you need to share dealing with the night wakings between you.

I co slept with my rubbish sleeper DC2 to maximise my sleep and it definitely worked!

Oh op that’s awful, I thought I had it bad, my son too wakes at 13 months about 2 night feeds taking 30 mins each and maybe 4 wake ups in addition.

I have just started back too.

We still have son in cot in room .. so we can get to him before he is hyped up.
We top and tail in our bed so if we need to co sleep if a re settle isn’t going to plan we can, it’s not proper sleep but helps the other parent kip.

When he needs a bottle one holds and comforts while other grab bottle generally means he falls asleep quicker after bottle.

We share the load ... so if husband is working from home and I am off and it’s a nursery day he will take him to nursery so I get a lay in, also we try and share who does most of the waking up, if it’s a bad night we just split the night in half and each take a section ( e.g up for a good hour or two trying to get him to sleep again)

I have a travel mug that i fill with coffee , and drink on way, and eat sugars bits

I admit though only on week 3 of a phased return as also going to be full time too.

It’s a newish thing you can request technically you can request a week of phased return per month you have been off but business needs to agree too.

I request 3 days for 3 weeks and 4 days for 2 weeks and they didn’t turn that down.

So far have found that I have been so busy I am ok lunch times or doing my learning are the hardest parts.

And brain overload, give me a few more months and it may feel a lot harder but for now the phased return has helped

Mine slept so much better once they started Nursery, as they were exhausted! I just went to bed very early (not long after them) and drank far too much coffee during the day, but over time it gets better. I found the thought worse than the reality.

Also agree with sharing the night wakings 50:50 if someone else is at home. Also play to your strengths, my DH is far better on an evening than I am, whereas I found it easier doing the early morning wake ups.

Are you breastfeeding? I tried to continue feeding when I went back to work at 10months, was too much hassle and I had to stop. Whilst my commute was the same time i was on a train so could nap. I would be concerned driving on such broken sleep- do you have a partner who can cover the nights?

BTW I write this from my desk, half asleep having been up from 2-4 and again from 5.30 with my toddler...thank god for coffee

Hi, yes am exclusively breastfeeding but will be looking to cut this down once I return to work. We do occasionally co-sleep if she is being particularly bad. Last night she woke at 3am and was awake for over an hour so I took her into bed with me before she fully woke at 6. It’s exhausting, my husband does help when he can but I am still so worried about how it will effect me going back to a full time job.

Have you considered a sleep consultant/sleep training?

Sorry to say OP, as much as I loved breastfeeding, Id give it up. Id at least give it up before forking out money for a sleep consultant

I’d also give up breastfeeding ! It’s not worth it especially as your babies over 1 now and hopefully they stop waking for milk (I’m just assuming you feed in the night ) x

I went back to work when DS was 9 months old. At 10 months old after nearly crashing the car a few times and struggling to stay awake at the wheel, I stopped breastfeeding and we did gentle sleep training. It was the best decision we've made!

I still have days when I'm exhausted and I do struggle a lot. I hate to say it but the odd can of Red Bull really rescues me on the days I have lots of meetings and I need to be alert. I also find it helps to confide in a colleague who is also a mum to a toddler. We encourage each other on the days we're really tired and I find it helps a lot to not feel alone.

The only way is to share the load with your partner at night but I often used to go to work having had a couple of hours sleep and coffee got me through. It did get better gradually. My youngest is 4 now and I get a decent 8 hours a night. Definitely don't miss those early days!

Share wake ups 50/50 and stop breastfeeding/offering a feed in the middle of the night

Thank you all, I will definitely stop breastfeeding as that seems to be the main problem. We have decided to share wake ups and to try and wean her on to water if she wakes thirsty. Hopefully that will help as I haven't had a full night sleeps since I was about 20 weeks pregnant and she started kicking me!

You don't necessarily need to give up BF. I agree that night weaning sounds very sensible, but that doesn't mean you have to give up BF altogether (unless you want to of course!) Remember that BF has immunological benefits for your DD, and starting nursery is when you most need that! But night weaning and sharing the wake ups is a necessity.