Aibu to ask husband to not go skiing

[mumofgirls2020]

So just wondering if I'm being an awful wife or a realistic one. So my husband has had two skiing holidays alone since my 3 year old was born I also have a one year old. The three year old is not sleeping bedtime takes until 10 she only wants me right now so I'm exhausted last night I was awake most of the night with her husband wants to go skiing sometime in the next 4 weeks am I being awful so say no? He will be upset but i just don't know if I can face a week alone right at this very minute I'm exhausted I also work so him being away means no help on a morning getting out the door too

YANBU

Yanbu... Or he can take 3yr or with him

Yanbu. Parenting is a team sport.

YANBU - he is BU for thinking it's ok to leave you for a week with two young ones especially when the 3 yr old takes a long time to settle and you work

I feel like he just doesn't get it I've just had to take half a days annual leave from work because I was shattered luckily I have a lovely boss who said no problem

Do you get any opportunity for solo holidaying or any time to yourself?

One of his last skiing holidays was when I was 10 weeks pregnant with my youngest I was shattered!

Would you actually notice if he wasn’t there?!

No never holidayed alone had one or two spa nights away but not for over 18months

Amelietaylor probably not!!!

YABU unless you get the same amount of time to do what you want.

Skiing with small kids is painful, and very expensive. He needs to get a grip and realise that he cant do that stuff for the next few years.

I can't believe I just asked for annual leave at short notice but I just felt shattered he was golfing 8-3.30 yesterday so I felt I didn't get a weekend

He was golfing? Does he actually do any parenting

He does bath time helps on a morning entertains them and is helpful around the home although manages to squeeze in a lot more tv than me. Golfs 2 days a month although would like it to be every weekend and in the summer it can be several Saturdays in a row. He's pretty hands on when he's in the house but i do do a lot he came home from golf yesterday to a nice roast dinner. I can't remember the last time I had any time to myself right now just feeling a bit fed up

I just don’t get some men. It makes me feel incredibly grateful for mine! It’s like they expect normal life to continue for them but pay no attention to the fact life has completely changed for their wives/partners!

We are probably unusual but weekends are family time for 90% of weekends. The other 10%, we both have things on with friends that we balance between us. We’ve both cancelled on friends at times when things like sleep were problematic & we’ve known the other needs some time out! You are really not being unreasonable!

We have sleep issues with our 2.8 year old & for a long while, it was always me she cried for. Then I got Hyperemesis in my second pregnancy & was so ill, I slept in our spare room & had no choice but to leave all night care to Daddy. She hated it for about 3 days but I couldn’t lifted my head without vomiting so I didn’t. She just had to cry & deal with it being Daddy. Bit of forced upon us tough love. After 3 days, she got used to it & now she’ll accept either of us settling her back down etc! Def worth a try to try gain some sleep back!

YANBU. How would he feel if you left him for a week to go on holiday while he worked, didn't sleep and looked after 2 under 4

He isn't 'helping' he is being a parent. Don't fall into this mindset that anything he does with his DC is helping you . Sounds like he isn't treating you with any respect and is taking you for granted. Time for a talk with him

Tell him if he books holiday he will be looking after his children.
That being a dad means your children are your hobby.
Also tell him if he does golf, you want equal me time.

In your shoes I would be faking a sprained wrist.
Sit back and relax.

I would let him go skiing, actually. The issue isn’t so much that he does these things (especially as he is pretty good around the house), it’s the fact that YOU have nothing else in your life.

What you need is hobbies that don’t involve looking after kids, so that you can also do things and leave your DH in charge. So that you can recharge batteries in a different context, perhaps with other adults. A change is as good as a rest, make that change happen.

I'd be booking my own child free holiday. But mum guilt wouldn't let me at those ages. Also, I simply wouldn't want to go on holiday without my family. Keep note of all his child free holidays and save them up for when you feel like a holiday.

He sounds awful!

You're a family. When ours were small, my dh made it his mission for me to relax and sleep in at the weekends.

At first glance I was going to say yes, let him go skiing (I'm always trying to get my husband to have more fun!) but then I read on... it sounds like a much bigger issue than just a ski trip. You need to have a proper talk with him about his responsibility to you and his children, and what parenting looks like.

I'd say a ski trip is a drop in the ocean but I can understand how tough it will be on your own...do you have a family member who can come and help.out a bit while he's gone?

He needs to step up and bloody parent.

The issue isn’t so much that he does these things (especially as he is pretty good around the house), it’s the fact that YOU have nothing else in your life. no, the issue really IS that he thinks it's OK to use AL to go off on holiday alone and leave hsi exhausted wife at home with two kids. Even if OP fancied a pottery holiday to Crete in 4 months time, it wouldn't change the fact that she's will be solo parenting AGAIN whilst he's off again when she's having to book AL to cope with the sleep dep from two kids.

OP if you don't get equal time, what about money? Do you get money to spend on yourself like he does?

I'm up for time away, I'm usually the one who does weekend away for my volunteering but that's one child and once he was sleeping properly. I wouldn't do it now there's 3 and I wouldn't have done it if my DH was on his knees with exhaustion