Calling child by middle name

[Jellybeans20]

Little one has a first name and second name honouring mixed heritage. The middle name is from dad's culture and came about after birth and first name has been there throughout. It's what is used in classes and the only one LO knows how to say or recognise. Hubby sometimes uses middle name as an add on to the first but never on its own. His extended family don't use his first name at all. They have displayed cultural intolerance etc in the past and I find the rejection of the first name is disrespectful and deliberate.
They were aggressively against our coupling till we were expecting.
I feel something assertive needs to be done so that LO is respected for the mix LO is. I don't want to model "learnt helplessness". LO might as well grow to prefer the middle name, both or neither. I accept that. however, current situation feels off and I feel I need to do something. like maybe avoid them but you always see people at birthdays etc. hubby sees them all the time. whenever the middle name is used its always in the context of cutting me out of the picture such as saying LO is a carbon copy of dad or using some language I don't understand. I don't mind what great grandparents use.
what to do?

What dies your DH say? I would think you should both be correcting them every time. “Brian...?, do you mean Adam?” Etc.

@OP I know I don't know the full context of your situation with your DPs family but just wanted to give you some insight as someone bailing from a different culture but raised in the UK, using the middle name is not about rejecting your first name chosen but can be a way to ensure your LO identifies with their mixed heritage.

I for example have a given first name which is more European, and a cultural middle name. Aunts, uncles, grandparents etc usually call me by cultural middle name and do the same for all my cousins etc. It's accepted practice to ensure we feel both identities not just European. Your LO is growing up here so will be very British as I am so for them it can be one way to remind them the have a second heritage.

I won't go as far as to say your DPs is completely innocent I don't know them but just wanted to give you another perspective because that's how my life has been with names and it hadn't negatively affected me or my cousins at all! Best of luck x

@OP Also just wanted to add that there is no risk of your LO getting confused with naked etc, my cousins and I always knew what our first names were as that's what we were called 90% of the time. So extended family calling as by our cultural middle names became more of a nickname/ term of endearment with them. I just want to say if you correct them and try to stop them from using the middle name they may see it as you trying to reject their culture as they're in the minority here.

Just some insight. It's so easy to misunderstand each other so I hope this helps. Xx

*confused with names not naked !! Lol

This is very common OP Not always with middle names but with using the 'equivalent' name eg I met a William who's French grandparents called Guillaume.

You need to talk with your DH and decide whether you are going to allow it or not, and then you need to be a united front.

It doesn't sound like a problem to me. Try taking a different perspective and seeing it as a positive thing, a lovely and special nickname. I would have loved this as a child.

Many of my husbands family call our kids a different name to their actual names. It's never been a problem for them. It doesn't bother me and it's never bothered the kids.

I think it's normal that your husbands family say the kids look like him.

I'm not doubting you have problems with them but I'm not sure that them using your kids middle name is a problem.

If they're doing it to exclude you, it's really not on. I've got no advice, but I wouldn't like it, if I was you.

@WinkysTeatowel Thanks for your feedback. DH does not correct. His approach/personality is different. He will continue to use his first name in the conversation and sometimes emphasises the name with intonation.

@strawberrysundayss thank you for your feedback. I hear you regarding cherishing both cultures. We celebrate both cultures and incorporating both cultures are part of our daily lives. I read books from both cultures and try to teach/learn some words from phrasebooks as well. We are both from minority backgrounds. Only one side of the family celebrates my culture but both sides celebrate DH's culture. DC's first name is of ancient importance to both our cultures but has fallen out of use in DH's culture over the past few hundred years. There are pre-existing issues as they refused to come to our wedding as they disagreed with DH's choice of life partner.

@sashh Thank you for your feedback. We both find it uncomfortable as we expected people to refer to LO using the same name the parents do or what they used to introduce the child. To be honest, I do find it awkward when I am having a chat with someone 1:1 and they are referring to DC using a different name to me, whilst I am using a different name. They have never said LO's first name.

@TartanMarbled Thank you for your feedback. To be honest, I always wanted a middle name too. I feel if I were accepted as a part of the family from the beginning, it wouldn't bother me. I don't think I have been accepted afterwards either as the treatment hasn't gone on to be positive. I do feel I am a means to an end. though it is about LO. not me. I would not want to be around relatives that don't respect my mother and that whole heritage she brings with her. That would be disrespecting half of who I am.

@Tfgjiknfr Thank you for your feedback. I agree that this probably could be completely fine but only if the circumstances were different. Also, it would be normal for them to say LO looks like him if it was done normally. My in-law went on a spree commenting on photos of LO uploaded by me with the same copy paste comment (LO looks like DH and they used the middle name and addressed DH. She later saved a pic of LO and DH only from fb and uploaded it. We have a no FB uploading rule outside of us. She blocked me and I'm still blocked till this day). I think it was strange to copy and paste the comment. DH said it was weird. She went on to come to DC's party. I welcomed all that came through the door. She did not speak a word to me or acknowledge DC and also went through DC's bedroom. Didn't really like someone going through that space with that kind of negativity. DH put locks on all the rooms the next day and now we lock the rooms when people are over. I found it disrespectful she didn't say a word but sat herself smack bang in the middle of the house. LO for whatever reason ignores her every time she tries to interact and we've never discussed this in front of LO. They never visit us. Only parties. DH is expected to go every night and he does, which is fine. Respect for parents, I understand that. I'd probably prefer it if it were in the morning though. I get busy with the night routine but it would be nice to have a hand. In some years time, I'll probably be hoping for more 1:1 time with DH. it is what it is.

@Neptunesgiraffe Thank you for your feedback.
I consider it excluding. There has been unacceptable treatment of me in the past and now the treatment is survivable. None of them have ever come to birthdays or events to do with me or my side of the family, but go religiously to others'. They only acknowledged me when I was pregnant. They tend to exclude me in conversation and speak in a different language (the norm for them is speaking in English. DH responds in English). MIL will have a go at DH if he uploads too many pics with me. DH says she has attachment issues. This is whatever to me but will probably become an issue when LO gets older and wants him around more.

We only have one child and I'm assuming this will get easier with more children. DH and I have decided that with future children we will introduce them with referencing the name to be used.