Christening

[jollygoodfun23]

Hi I could really do with some impartial advice re Christening.
OH and I are not married. He is Catholic (with strongly religious parents) and I am CofE (with religious parents, esp mother).
We want a Christening for our daughter but I am so conflicted as to the right path to choose.
I want a CofE Christening because I think it is a really special occasion and I have loved all the Christenings I have been to. OH thinks they are status events and is used to baptisms being just part of an ordinary service but his main argument for a Catholic Christening is that the best schools in the area are Catholic.
Can we do 2 Christenings? OH seems to think that neither Church would ever know so it would be fine.
My mother is horrified at this idea because my baby would end up being a different religion to me. OH's parents will also be devastated if we back out of a joint family Christening which has already been organised.
I have issues with Catholicism re focus on sin and attitudes towards homosexuality but I wouldn't mind DD being brought up with both so that she can eventually make up her own mind.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
TIA

Short answer is no. You can't do both. Lying in this situation seems somewhat... counterproductive.

One baptism counts for all. Kind of.

In your situation (purely for the good schools) I would have the Catholic baptism, and a welcoming or thanksgiving COE service (discuss with the minister if this is something they can offer). COE are somewhat less rule/tradition oriented than Catholics, for the most part.

Keep in mind for school admission (if they're oversubscribed) it is baptism and attendance.

Exactly what DivGirl says.

Your DM can suck it up.

All the major denominations recognise each other's baptisms so you only need to do it once.

If you are doing this to get get into a RC good school check the admissions criteria. It is usually baptism and weekly attendance.

Not all C of E churches do private baptisms any more. Many are in the main service.

You can't have it both ways, OP!

I'm laughing about you wanting a CofE christening because it's a special occasion. That's not what it's about, is it?

Anyway. DH and I were in the same situation as you. He's Irish and Catholic, I'm CofE. We decided before we got married what we wanted to do, and were very clear with our families.

The children were baptised Catholic. I wasn't mad on the idea, but agreed because one of us had to compromise and we'd already had the big CofE wedding. Also, we knew we might move to Ireland at some point and thought the DC would fit in better. MIL was delighted. My CofE family refused to attend any of the baptisms. Their decision, their loss.

Fast forward to now, all DC are adults and atheists

Why is a christening so important to you? You aren't even married. I assume that you are financially independent so getting married was unimportant?

If you have issues with Catholic attitudes to sin and homosexuality (as you should, imo) why would you want your child to attend Catholic school where that is what they are taught? That's not going to give her much choice in her beliefs.

Why is a christening so important to you? You aren't even married. I assume that you are financially independent so getting married was unimportant?

How fucking rude! What's that got to do with you?

Wouldn’t a priest view your child’s baptism in a poor light due to the fact that you’re not married?
(I don’t know, I’m not Catholic...but for a couple with devout parents, it seems rather odd).

I was raised Catholic and my husband was an atheist. When the time came he said he was happy for me to have them Christened in the Catholic faith but he would not stand up and say anything he didn't believe in. Fair enough but it made me think. Christening a child means you are going to raise that child in that faith. I thought I can't have my children join the Catholic church unless I was prepared to attend mass weekly and every holy day, have them receive communion and eventually confirmation. I knew I would not do that.
It's hypocritical to christen a child into a faith unless you believe in that faith.

What about a thanksgiving/blessing service with a family party afterwards then let your child make the decision about baptism when they are older. Our church (Anglican) very rarely baptises babies, but we have a service once a year with a pool where adults and older children are baptised with a full immersion - it is so much more meaningful when they have made a choice to be a Christian themselves.

My children had private christenings in a Catholic church

My mother is horrified at this idea because my baby would end up being a different religion to me

No she wouldn't. Catholicism and Anglicanism are different denominations of the same religion.

My DC were both baptised CofE during the normal morning service. It was part of welcoming them to our own church and the wider church. I would never have had a separate ceremony without the general congregation.

I know a couple in a similar position (one parent of each denomination) and the Catholic priest wouldn't allow them to have the baby baptised unless the CoE parent became Catholic. They had the loveliest CoE christening I've been to!

Who's organised it?

Wait what?!

Christening your child is baptising them into a faith. Does faith mean anything to you?
Are you going to follow this faith?

Thank you all for your replies. It's exactly what I was after and it is helping me clarify my views.
DramaAlpaca you're right of course (and I expected far worse criticism) but I guess I'm trying to say that in my upbringing and experience it's been about the event as well as the ritual, in the same way that most people see weddings I guess. Sure, you don't need a lovely party to accompany the service but that's just how I'd always imagined my child's Christening.
Ginfordinner, I don't know how to tell you this but these days there are quite a few of us having sex before marriage. DD was not planned but, hey, we're happy with how it's worked out. You might need to make it a double.
Bipbipbipbip - hadn't even thought about that. I'll investigate.
Thanks!