starting to get resentful

[Hopex3]

hi all,

so my baby is 8 weeks old tomorrow and is amazing. however I am starting to feel resentful towards my partner. he works Monday to Friday 8 to about half 2. I'm not gonna go into detail just yet about how much he helps with my daughter as I'm curious to what the norm seems to be for the father and want to see if I am being reasonable to be starting to get upset. so, my question is how much does your partner do/not do?

thanks!

I’m assuming he does sweet fuck all.

Were you hoping he would change when the baby arrived?

Why does he work pt? Maybe it would be nice to give you a break for a shower or nap if you do night feeds, otherwise the odd nappy or take baby for a walk, make sure you had lunch or cook dinner.

Mine organises bottles and sterilization daily. We wake up together once a night. Our baby only wakes up once at 3am and we both feed and change happy. Then the 6am feed one if us will wake to do that. He does the clothes washing so washes and packs her clothes away. He also packs the happy bags and organises the buggy etc when we go out.

In a partnership both should make sure they have equal free time and a break and then split the rest around that

My husband works full time - long shifts 4 days a week. He gets home around bath/bedtime. He'll play with DD for a bit while I go get her bath ready, then I do bath and PJ's and book while he tidies up toys and preps her Weetabix/bottle then I feed her and put her to bed.

On his days off he does a good bit more, it's probably like 60/40 with me doing the slight majority, think that's just because I'm at home every day so I know our routine.

I'm more of a morning person and he's more of a night owl, so I do all the early morning stuff but if DD is having a bad night he sort of takes over getting her settled so I can get some sleep.

When he’s at home 50%. He works all day and I have baby all day and when he gets home he takes over really, I sort out stuff for bedtime etc, then he does bath and we do bedtime together. He makes the tea and I sort washing then sit down lol and he we have a couple of hours together before bed. He does the morning bottle before work while I get dressed etc. At weekends it’s 50/50 I generally do Saturday morning and he has a lie in and vice versa for Sunday. DS is almost 10 months and this is the way it’s always been.

I ebf both mine so I was always up in the night. He would change nappies and have cuddles. Otherwise he more picked up on things like dishes, cooking etc. It all depends on what you want from him though. We were perfectly happy with the arrangements we had but if I weren't I would have said to him. Maybe he doesn't know how to help?

DH works 4 days a week, leaving at about 7:30am, and coming home by about 4:30pm. Friday he works from home to make up his hours. This varies from finishing before 11am to about 4pm.

DH looks after DD in the evening for me. Freeing me to cook dinner, and get some baby free time. Chores wise, he's a bit useless, but he does as much as I expect/ask him to. It's not very equitable, but it's working while I'm on mat leave. When I return to work he'll be doing more.

If you're feeling resentful it's more likely to be to do with their attitude to helping rather than what they actually do. If you asked them to change a nappy as you are tired/busy what would their reaction be? I think a discussion about support is needed not a declaration of who is in the right.

As there's no right and wrong in division of domestic duties!