Having a second child at 43

[redsedre]

Dh and I are 43 we have one dc who is 7

We wanted more but we've had losses along the way so here we are

I'm now thinking we are too old and should give up

Reasons
Is it selfish to bring child into world at this age?
Dc1 won't benefit from a playmate now anyway and in fact might be negatively affected by much younger sibling at least in the short term
Risk of health issues

I'm struggling to draw a line under everything though as I always wanted another child but now I think it's too late for lots of reasons

my siblings are 17 and 15 years older than me, I love them and have a great relationship with them so 7-8 years would feel great to me.
My cut off is 45

Are you prepared to start again with a baby and a toddler etc? Of course smaller age gaps are easier from an activities perspective- a 3 year old and an 11 year old will not want to do the same thing at the weekend. But so what? That’s a tiny part of family life- if you want another have another.

45 was my cut off point but in fact had my last at 41. Although I’m very happy we had her it is definitely physically more tiring than with her siblings and the gap between them (similar to yours) makes doing whole family activities extremely difficult.

More importantly I’ve realised recently how old I will be when she’s an adult and that I’m very unlikely to see her reach the age I am now. That was a reality check and I’m now ok that I didn’t have another. The idea of dealing with teenagers when I’m in my sixties is not appealing.

Yes being 60 with a 17 year old worries me but I'll be 60 with a 24 year old anyway and that doesn't sound so bad

It's hard when you are struggling with this - whether or not to have another child - and realising the negatives. I was like you, trying to have another when I was 43.

I had my second at 45, after trying for three years, and seven miscarriages.

When I was pregnant with my second, I started to have the same doubts as you.

Children now 8 and thirteen. In hindsight, I would have been better off with one.

There is a four-and-a-half year age gap. For a start, it'ss more than twice as much work with two. Plus they don't have the same interests with regards to play, films, outings etc.

Mine fight constantly too which makes life very uncomfortable at the moment. Yours might not fight though if there is a seven-year or more age gap.

Parenting is overrated! Call it quits.

Good luck whatever you decide.

I had DC1 and DC2 close together as looking back I was fixated on the idea of a small age gap etc. I do love the gap but actually I do now think sod the gap, having a child really isn't about how they will be with siblings it's about whether you want another child. If you do go for it, your DS won't be harmed by him having a sibling who isn't a playmate.

I had my second at 43. First at 41 so not the age gap you are talking about but I do know someone who had a 14 year old, 7 year old and a new born. It was kind of like having three only children! They are grown up now and the age gap doesn't matter.

We are older parents. Our son is 14 and we are 51-59. We thought about it at the time but one is the perfect number. We can lavish him with attention. We can afford to pay for piano lessons and karate.
He loves being the only one too so it worked out great.