I've been an idiot with no routine

[LittleMango]

My baby is now 6 weeks old (was 2 months prem so 6 week is corrected age)
Due to my life being all over the place with relationship breakdown, being a single mum and having a break in. My baby has had no routine. I feed him about every 4 hours, let him sleep when he wants. The main issue is we don't have a bedtime... So sometimes he doesn't have a big sleep until about 1-3am in the morning and then sleep until like 10! But that's when he is in bed with me (I know you are not supposed to co-sleep but I do it in the safest way possible).
He's so used to being with me that he doesn't like to be put down for 5 mins sometimes.
I'm a clueless first time mum and feeling a little bit out of my depth at the moment. I want a routine and an earlier bedtime for his sanity and for mine (Hopefully be able to get him sleeping in his own cot too), does anyone have any advice on how to do this?
Thanks in advance for an advice.

Wow I think it's really early for a routine i don't think my DS started one till he was about 4 months. I think you have plenty of time just go with the flow at the moment

Don't worry, I'd say that's pretty young for a routine. We started doing a regular bedtime maybe 10 weeks ish? Initially around half nine and then crept it earlier. Nothing fancy, just sleeping bag, feed, bed. I read you can't really train a baby till at least 14 weeks anyway.

Sounds like you're doing a great job!

Oh and ours was a velcro baby too...

My opinion is that you're doing very well! Routine can start later and is not a problem....

Start now. I had a routine from the day my kids came home. It takes a while to kick in - but persevere. Do bath, story, feed then put baby down (in own space). Then go. Of course baby may cry so go back in, stroke and say a few words until they stop, stay a bit longer then leave. Repeat.
Wake your baby at the same time each morning and start the day. Put baby down for nap when tired (baby will get tired naturally, it's not like I'm saying you do it if not tired). Let sleep for 90 minutes then wake up. And so on. It will help you too to be organised.
Perseverance is key. It may take weeks for your baby to get it but eventually things will click.

You sound like you've had a really tough start so don't be too hard on yourself.

Big one for me was showing the difference between night and day - so when it was nighttime I kept lights low and every thing quiet, day times were noisy and bright. I followed DS's lead and he went from still being up at midnight/1am every night to a solid 7pm bedtime by about 4mo. Co-sleeping is fine providing you follow the guidelines for safe sleep.

Just sounds like a baby. They want to be close to you, they won't survive without you. Stop beating yourself up, sounds like you have had a chaotic and stressful time.

I don't think routines are even necessary and definitely not at that age, but if you want one, try writing down what is happening, there could already be the bones of a routine there.

Honestly, they are tiny for such a short time, my dc1 would mainly nap in my arms and looking back I don't regret a minute spent holding her. Didn't get the chance with dc2

Whoa whoa whoa CALM DOWN

I never even thought about a routine until DS was 6 months. He now sleeps 12 hours straight. Just follow babies cues and respond to them. Don’t you dare start believing the “building a rod for your own back” crap

Don’t wake your baby up if there asleep. Babies sleep because they clearly need to.

Just focus on having a content and happy baby and mum

You're not an idiot. 6 weeks is way too young for a routine. I read lots with my first about sleep and naps, hardly any of it spied to him. He was bf on demand, co slept and had all naps on me, in the sling or car seat.

By 15 months he was sleeping all night in his own cot.

Don't worry. Try and make your own routine, for you. Such as getting up, showered, dressed. Going out. Trying to Get the baby to nap after an hours awake time (check his, I think an hour awake is about right at that age).

You've got a few months before you need to worry about bedtime and routine. Ours started around 5 months with my 1st, earlier with my second just as he slotted in with my first and slept better.

Oh and FYI Co sleeping when done correctly is actually the safest way to sleep

You have not been an idiot! Thought you were going to say toddler or preschooler... don't think I thought about a routine until baby was about 4 months.
But you have had a routine - you've been feeding the baby every 4 hours or so. That's the most important thing at this stage.
I am sure you are doing brilliantly, sorry you've had a tough time of it.

Thank god! You have all put my mind a little at ease now. I felt like I was very behind when it came to routines and bedtime. It's nice to know that I don't need to be so worried.
My mind was going crazy as I'd just seen my nan with baby and she's one of those "you're make a rod for your own back" people.

You're doing absolutely fine! My lot range from 5-12 years old and I've never really had a routine 😂

LittleMango, it sounds like you have rhythm instead of a routine, that’s not a bad thing if it works for you. my baby is about six months and we don’t have a bed time, we just have rhythm but he’s happy, and I’m happy so it works ☺️ I’m almost certain that there’s time for a routine later. Sounds like you’ve been doing fabulously.

Yeah, no routine here at that age. You gotta do, what you gotta do.

You want to tell the “rod for your back” people that it’s your rod and your back and you’ll continue to parent your child as you wish. “We’re both doing great as we are, thanks”. “That’s interesting, everyone’s different!” “Aww, I’ve never had so much advice in my life as since DS arrived, I’ll let you know if I need any more”.

It’s not going to stop because everyone’s got a fucking opinion.

You’re the expert on your baby. You’ve obviously been through a lot and even if you’d had a smooth run you’d be getting to grips with being a mum and your son and you are still getting to know each other. Co-sleep, enjoy cuddles, feed him when he’s hungry (my DD is ten months and only recently has 4 hours between feeds during the day), count his fingers and toes, admire what you made and chill out. You’ve got loads of time to get a routine. I’ve followed DD’s lead and she gradually slipped into a pattern for naps and bedtime but for months she’d wake at 9:30am, change feed, then she’d slept a couple more hours. No way was I waking her up, she knew when she wanted to sleep, it didn’t mess up the rest of the day because I was led by her and we both just went with the flow.

Yep absolutely normal to have no routine at 6 weeks! Anyone who says their child follows a routine at this age is in denial or has lucked out and has a newborn who has got themselves into a routine.

Also ignore anyone who suggests your baby should also not be clingy, he needs to be close to you that's what babies do remember he was still inside you only 6 short weeks ago. You sound like you are doing a fantastic job of making sure your son has a good attachment to you.

Have you heard of the fourth trimester?

I'm only just starting to think about a bedtime routine and my dd is 4 months.
The advice I see now is treat the first 3 months the same as if you were still pregnant - as in just respond to their needs it's the 4th trimester. Worked will with both my DC. PLUS you have had a premature baby so I'd add a bit more on for that.

We never had a routine and co slept until 2 years old. He is now 3 and in his own room, sleeping through the night and (mostly) stress free bedtimes. I do think of you want to go down the routine route though, six weeks old is a little young - have you read about 'the fourth trimester' at all?

You sound like you’re doing brilliantly

Don’t worry about a routine, it will come at some point. A PP said they put their baby down and left them to go to sleep but I just wanted to make sure that you know that babies should sleep in the same room as you until 6 months old. This is absolutely crucial with premature babies as they are at higher risk of SIDS. You’re doing great, just keep doing what you’re doing!

You’re doing brilliantly and you don’t need to worry about a routine at 6 weeks.

Dd fell into a routine which was led by her cues from about 4 months.

Ds is 7 months and we still don’t have a proper routine! But he’s happy & healthy so we’re pretty much just going with it for now.

Oh love, don't worry at this point. My second lived on my chest for the first four months. He had surgery at a couple of weeks old, so routine wasn't even considered, but I'm so glad about that. Don't try and fit into any routine, it's really so counterproductive and doesn't work.

You have NOT been an idiot. You’re doing really well after a really tough start.

Six weeks is far too little for a routine. I wasted far too much time worrying about routines when my twins were tiny and I regret it so much. Just keep doing what feels right for you. Routines can come later

Also co sleeping is perfectly safe if done properly. I’m still co sleeping with mine at 15 months with no plans to stop anytime soon.

Enjoy your lovely baby

Oh and 100% what @BadgertheBodger said about supervised sleep. Baby shouldn’t sleep alone for first six months. Also please don’t leave your baby to cry. I don’t agree with it for any baby but even more so with premies. They are so delicate (my own were six weeks early. You’ve had it even tougher at two months early)

Dont think DS had much of a routine until he was a year and a half! Your baby is tiny, do what works for you. Plus you are probably going through a bit of a growth spurt at the moment with extended cluster feeding and being extra clingy (I think...not sure about adjusted ages). Its TOTALLY normal.